Whispered Hope
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: Sequel to Silent Wishes. Bella and Edward overcame the odds and found their happy ending, but will it last? All they have now are whispered hopes of a future worth fighting for.
1. Chapter 1

1

"You're not ready," Emmett snarled. "You're just not ready."

Bella stood in front of her older brother, her arms folded in front of her, and waited for him to finish throwing his fit.

"Don't look at me like that, Butterbean," Emmett grumbled. "You and Edward are not ready to live on your own yet."

"Yes, we are," she said, automatically bringing her hands up and signing as she spoke. Almost a year and a half had passed since she regained her voice, and she still hadn't been able to break the habit of signing as she spoke.

"No, you're not," he whined, falling back on the couch with a groan.

Bella huffed and looked to Esme for help. They'd been arguing about this very issue for the last three months, ever since Edward and Bella announced that they had been accepted and had decided to go to college at the University of Washington in Seattle. Both Edward and Bella had put off college for a year, but they were ready to move on. Emmett wanted them to commute back and forth, but Bella refused, saying it was ridiculous to commute three hours every day for school when they could get a small apartment as a part of student housing. Of course, married housing was hard to come by at UW and there had been a waiting list, but Bella and Edward had just received news that a spot had opened and it was theirs if they wanted it.

"Em, you're being an asshole," Esme said, shrugging her shoulders as she fiddled with the zipper on her purse. "Goddamn it! Why won't this thing work?"

Bella smirked as she reached out and snatched the purse from her sister, pulling the zipper back before sliding it closed, causing her sister to glare at her.

"And you're being a bitch, Butterbean," Esme groused, taking her purse back as she stood up. "I've gotta run, or I'm going to be late, but here's my two cents for what it's worth. Em, we can't hold them back just because we're worried about them. Yes, it's kind of soon, but it's not like they're moving to Paris. Butterbean, cut the asshole some slack. The last eighteen months hasn't been easy for any of us, and he's just worried about you because he loves you." Esme crossed the living room and opened the front door. "Love you, see you later. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck," Carlisle called out from his place on the stairs. He and Esme had come down while Emmett and Bella were in the middle of their disagreement. Bella sighed, worried about her sister. Though the news about Mr. Greene's behavior had cost him his job, her decision to take to the media to solve her problems had been keeping her from gaining a new position. She'd had dozens of job interviews, everything from the public library, the community college library, several high-chain book stores, and an administrative assistant, none of the jobs had come through past the interview stage. Bella knew Esme had tried to be strong, but it was harder with every subtle rejection.

Bella turned back to Emmett, who was glaring at the floor. "Dad would let me go."

Emmett flinched, and she felt horrible for using their father against him. Charlie's condition hadn't changed; he was still lost inside himself, still just a memory of man who once held her tight. She missed him. More now than ever, but she couldn't keep putting their lives on hold while her father slipped away. Charlie Swan would have wanted more from his daughter.

"I know," Emmett murmured, shifting his eyes up to hers.

Bella sat on the couch next to Emmett, sliding her arm inside his and laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm scared, too, Em. But we have to grow up."

"Growing up is overrated," he grumbled, turning and pressing his lips against the top of her head. "Fine. I won't stand in your way, if you're sure this is what's right for you and Edward, Butterbean."

"I am," she said, tilting her head back and looking at her older brother. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The front door opened and they looked back, finding Edward shuffling inside with an armful of broken down, cardboard boxes tucked under both arms. He paused and looked at Bella and then Emmett before shuffling upstairs to their bedroom.

Bella huffed and turned back to Emmett. "This is getting stupid. Just apologize, for fuck sake!"

"I didn't do anything wrong!" he argued, waving a hand in the air.

Bella snorted before she stood up and headed for the stairs, ignoring the way Emmett called out to her that he was innocent. Innocent and Emmett didn't go together right now, not after the way he had been treating Edward. Emmett blamed Edward for their decision to leave Forks, saying that he was too weak, too fragile to be the man Bella needed him to be. She'd never been so pissed at her brother than she was at that moment. Edward struggled enough with his health, with the fact that his heart wasn't as strong as they wanted it to be a year and a half after surgery. Though the doctors claimed there was nothing wrong, Edward often complained of tightness, sometimes to the point of being painful. They'd run every test known done and nothing showed that he was rejecting the heart, or that the heart wasn't functioning perfectly. And for Emmett to use his heart against Edward was cruel, and it just fueled Bella's decision that they should accept the married housing. They needed a chance to be a normal married couple, and not two sick kids, who were barely living.

"Hey," Bella said as she walked into their bedroom. Edward was sitting on the side of the bed with a roll of packing tape in his hands and box at his feet. "Need some help?"

"Sure," he told her, pulling the tape. "Can you hold the box still?"

"I can try," she laughed kneeling in front of him and holding the box up. Edward pressed the tape along the seam, long ways, and then along each side. "He finally gave in. Said we can move."

Edward nodded, but didn't say anything as he reached for another box, folding it so that was in the right shape.

"I've been thinking," she said, covering his hand with hers, causing him to look up at her. "We need a name for our place."

"A name?" he chuckled. "For our apartment?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah, you know like, Brickside Manor, or something. I don't know. Just something that represents us."

"Hmm, okay," Edward said, taping the second box before reaching for the third. "How about 'Too poor to afford real housing'?"

Bella frowned. "That sounds like a mouthful. Can you imagine inviting Alice and Jasper to 'Too poor to afford real housing' for dinner? It would never fit on the invites."

"I just wish I could give you a real home, with a yard and walls that aren't connected to other people."

"One day, when we're done with college and have real jobs, we'll be able to have a house like that. But for now, this beats living with family, right?"

Edward nodded before reaching for another box, but she grabbed his hands, pulling them toward her. "Maybe he's right."

"Who? Emmett?" she asked, her eyes widening when he nodded. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

"I don't know," he said, sounding like he was making a confession. He brought his hand up to her face, caressing her cheek. "I love you so much, Bella. So much. And the thought of leaving you alone, scares me."

"Me, too," she whimpered, leaning into his touch. "But we're in this together, remember? You and me, forever."

"And ever," he murmured before capturing her lips with his in a heated kiss.

—WH—

Bella stood in the middle of her bedroom. Correction: the room that had once been her bedroom before she married Edward and moved into his house. It felt odd to be back there with a pile of boxes at her feet.

"You okay?" Edward asked, pulling her attention to him.

Bella nodded. "Just not sure what I want to take. I never realized how much shit I had."

"You don't have to get everything today," he said. "It's not like we're never coming back, right?"

"True." She walked over to her bed and picked up the picture of her with Emmett, Esme, Charlie, and Renee. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stared at the smiling, happy faces of a family who'd been ripped apart too many times. First with the fire and the fall, then when Charlie came back to them, only to be locked away inside of himself after an attempt to remove a tumor that was killing him.

Edward wrapped his arms around her, pressing his lips against the side of her neck before sliding his hand up over hers and pulling the picture from her hands. "We should definitely take this."

"Yeah," she agreed, watching as he wrapped it in newspaper and placed it into one of the boxes. With a sigh, she grabbed one of the boxes and began to place items inside. Books that she'd read over and over, a bunch of CDS that had gotten her through Hell. It wasn't until she picked up a small, leather journal that she paused and sat on the side of the bed.

"What's that?" Edward asked, sitting next to her.

"Some of the songs I wrote," she told him. "God, these are horrible."

"I'm sure they aren't that bad," he scoffed, reaching for the book, but she pulled it away. "Let me read one."

"No," she laughed.

"Then sing me one," he suggested.

Bella pressed her lips together as she shook her head. He was always trying to get her to sing for him, ever since the night he took her the theatre in Port Angeles and she stood on the stage and sang for the first time since cancer stole her voice. The night they made love for the first time. She could remember the way he felt that night, the way he fit just perfectly inside her.

"Why are you blushing?" Edward asked, smirking.

"No reason," she lied.

"You're thinking about that night, aren't you?"

Bella nodded. "I still can't believe you did all that for me."

"For us," he said. "If you're not ready—"

"When I found myself really struggling to handle my emotions, I'd lock myself in this room and cry. I didn't have to worry about anyone hearing me, worry about hurting them with my grief. I'm ready to let go of this room, Edward. I'm ready for a life with you."

"Okay," he said, kissing her cheek. "Then we'd better get the rest of these boxes filled, huh?"

Bella smiled as she tossed her song book into the box at her feet.

—WH—

"Can't believe you're actually leaving," Jasper groaned, flopping onto the bed next to Bella, who had been attempting to put some makeup on, and now had a stream of mascara down her cheek.

"Yeah, well, believe it," she said, rushing into the bathroom to wash the black mark off. When she walked back into hers and Edward's bedroom, she found her best friend sitting on the side of the bed. "Port Angeles is like skip, hop, and a jump away from Seattle."

"Yeah, I know," he murmured. Jasper had flat out refused to go to college, saying that he wasn't the scholarly type. Alice had been accepted to an art program in Port Angeles, so they were planning on moving in a few weeks once Jasper had a job. Funny how Emmett wasn't concerned about the two of them living away from home, though. "I got a call for an interview today."

"That's great! For which job?" Bella asked.

"That tattoo parlor over on tenth," he said. "They liked my sketches, said we could talk about an apprenticeship. Said they could help me get my license."

"And being a tattoo artist is something you want to do?" Bella asked.

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what I want to do. Just know that I want to be with Alice, and she's going to Port Angeles, so . . ."

Bella nodded and sat back down on the bed. "Okay."

"Don't say anything to anyone yet, though. I don't want them to know until it's a sure deal."

"My lips are sealed," she promised.

A few minutes later, Jasper headed back to Alice's room, leaving her alone. Bella tossed her mascara into her make-up bag, deciding not to bother. What was the point? She'd be in tears by the end of the night, anyway. She and Edward were leaving for Seattle the next morning. Emmett had insisted on one last dinner at Garrett's.

"Hey, you ready?" Edward asked, walking into their bedroom with another empty box in his hands. He placed it on the desk and began to pack the last few items left: a couple books they'd been reading, the CD of Bella's singing that Edward loved, a couple of notebooks they were using to keep a record of when Edward felt the tightness in his chest.

"Yeah," she said, softly, sliding her feet off the bed and into a pair of black flats. "Are they downstairs?"

Edward smiled and shook his head. "Pix and Jasper are, but I told the others that we'd meet them there."

"Thank God," she breathed, watching as he opened one of the notebooks and made a note. "You had another episode?"

The smile left his face, replaced by a frown. "It wasn't as bad as the others. More of a pressure than a tightness."

Bella nodded and picked up her cell from the nightstand.

"I'm fine," Edward said, walking over to her and sitting on the bed, next to her. "I promise."

"I know," she replied. "I just worry. Like you do when my throat tickles a little."

Edward sighed. Every time she had a bit of discomfort in her throat he worried, both that the implant would suddenly fail and that the cancer was growing back. She'd just had a check-up last month, at Phil's instance before he would give them his blessing to move, and her scans had come back clear. She was still cancer free. For now, anyway.

"We'd better go before they come looking for us," Bella laughed and stood up, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you."

"And I love you," he whispered.

Alice didn't say anything as Bella and Edward joined her and Jasper in the living room. Bella had assumed that Alice would struggle with their move, but surprisingly, she wasn't upset. She encouraged them to follow their hearts and not let Emmett keep them from being happy. Though a woman of few words, Alice had grown a lot in the last eighteen months. She smiled more, laughed, and ate without being prompted most of the time. She and Jasper were good for each other.

When the four of them walked into Garrett's, Bella groaned. There was a large banner hanging in the back with their names across it and a big 'Bon Voyage' under it. There were streams and balloons, tacky decorations. Not only were Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, and Esme there, but so were Tanya, Phil, and of course Garrett.

"I can't believe you did all this," Bella groused, pointing her finger at Esme.

"How'd you know it was me?" her sister asked, laughing.

"Oh, please. Tacky décor? I'm pretty sure these are the same table cloths Mom used for your sixteenth birthday," Bella scoffed.

"They are," she admitted. "Stop whining and be grateful we care, Butterbean."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she mumbled, sitting at the table they usually sat at. Garrett laughed as he walked around the counter and started filling their usual drink order. Twenty minutes later, they were enjoying their food.

Once they were done, Carlisle picked up his glass and turned to Edward and Bella. "I, um, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're proud of you. Of how hard you've worked over the last year and a half. It's hard to let you go, but we are with the faith that when, or if, you need us, you'll call. Anytime, day or night."

"We will," Edward promised.

"And you'll be safe," Emmett added. "You'll be mindful of how you feel, and you won't miss your appointments."

"We won't," Bella huffed. "You act like we're irresponsible." Emmett pressed his lips together, which just pissed Bella off more. "You said we could go!"

"I know I did," he grumbled. "But I don't have to be happy about it."

"No, instead you choose to be a jerk about it!" she snarled, pushing away from the table and grabbing Edward's hand. "We're not the freaky, mute-girl and the heart transplant boy anymore. We're Bella and Edward, the married students. We're just Bella and Edward, for fuck sake, Em!"

And before Emmett could mouth off again, she pulled on her husband's hand and led him out of the diner. Tears burned her eyes as they climbed into the car and drove back to the house. They headed straight for their bedroom and locked the door behind them. As Bella stood in the middle of the nearly-empty room, her knees buckled and she crumbled to the floor, sobbing. She was terrified of leaving her family, of being on their own, but she'd spent too many hours struggling to regain her life to let it pass her by because she was scared. All they had now were whispered hopes of a future worth fighting for.


	2. Chapter 2

2

Edward slipped out of bed before Bella the next morning and stumbled downstairs and into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of milk before sitting at the table. He hadn't been able to sleep. The combination of nerves, their move to Seattle, the pure distrust coming from Emmett, and the pressure inside his chest had made sleep impossible. While Bella was one-hundred percent sure they were ready to leave Forks together, Edward wasn't as convinced. Truth be told, he was terrified.

Not of living alone with her, but of something happening to him and her being alone. He didn't want her to wake up one morning and find that he'd died in his sleep, or worse. She'd already given up so much for him. Was he being selfish for wanting her to himself, too? Was Emmett right about them not being ready to face the world alone?

"Hey," Alice whispered, pulling his attention to the doorway of the kitchen, where she was standing in one of his tees and a pair of sweatpants that were covered in paint. "You're up early."

"You are, too. Couldn't sleep?" Edward asked, using his foot to push one of the chairs out so she could sit.

Alice smiled as she walked over and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Too many memories."

"Good or bad?" he asked, frowning.

"Good this time," she said, tucking her arms between her legs and her body. "I could hear Mom laughing and singing. Felt the urge to paint her, so now the east wall of my bedroom is a portrait of her."

Edward nodded and placed his empty glass on the table.

"Tell me not to worry about you," Alice whispered, causing him to look at her. "Tell me you and Bella are going to be okay."

"Would it help if I did?"

Alice nodded. "You know what I think about you moving."

"I do," Edward admitted.

"Then why are you so scared?" she asked.

Sighing, Edward shook his head. "I don't know. Guess I'm starting to think Emmett's right."

"You don't mean that, do you?" At the sound of Bella's voice, Edward and Alice shifted their attention to the doorway of the kitchen, where she stood with a frown on her face. She was wearing one of the only shirts she had that belonged to her father and a pair of Edward's shorts. "Do you really think he's right? That we're not ready to be on our own?"

"I should probably . . ." Alice scrambled to her feet and rushed out of the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.

"Do you, Edward?" Bella asked again.

"I don't know," he murmured. "I'm just . . ." He brought his hand up to his chest. "I've never been on my own like this, Bella. I was either at home with my mom and dad, in the hospital with nurses and doctors hovering over me, or here with Carlisle and Pix. I just . . . What if something happens and you're at class? Or asleep?"

"Why didn't you say something before we accepted the apartment?" she asked, walking over and sitting in the chair Alice had been sitting in. "We've already paid the deposit, and it's nonrefundable."

"I wasn't scared then, but packing up all our stuff, it just kind of made it real, I guess."

Bella blew out a heavy breath, and looked away from him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she said, sliding her hand across the table and covering his arm. "But are you saying you don't want to go?"

"No, no, that's not what I'm saying," he argued. "I'm just nervous. Aren't you?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Not really."

"I wish I was as brave as you," he mumbled, softly.

"You are," she said with a smile. "I'm just ready to be your wife, to be Bella and Edward, not the other ones who've battled to live more times than they should have to, you know? Guess I finally feel like we're getting a chance to be normal."

"Normal is overrated," Edward scoffed.

"Yeah, I know," she laughed.

Edward brought her hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on her knuckle. "I'm just being silly, I guess."

"No, you're not," she said, quietly. "But we can't stay here, either. Wrapped in this bubble with everyone watching us all the time. It's not fair to us, or to them. They've had to take care of us for far too long, Edward. It's time we take care of ourselves. And both our doctors are in Seattle, so it kind of makes sense for us to be there, doesn't it?"

"You're right. Like I said, just nervous."

Bella smiled and moved so that she was straddling him. "Can I help ease your nerves?"

Edward placed his hands on her hips, shifting her closer. "I'm sure we could work something out."

But before either of them were able to say anything else, the sound of Esme's laughter trickled into the room and Bella scooted off Edward's lap just before she and Carlisle walked into the kitchen. They paused and looked at the two of them before laughing again.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked.

"Nothing," Esme snickered, pouring herself a cup of coffee before settling at the table across from her. "So, y'all ready for today?"

"More than ever," Edward lied.

"What time are you planning on leaving?" Carlisle asked, and when Edward looked at his brother, he saw him holding the carton of eggs he'd bought the day before.

"Couple hours." Edward pushed away from the table and walked over to him, pulling the eggs out of his hand. "I'll make breakfast."

"I'm perfectly capable of cooking my fiancée some eggs, Edward!" Carlisle groused.

"Sure you are," he scoffed, but stopped before he could as much as open the carton and shifted his attention to his brother. "Fiancée?"

Carlisle smiled wider than Edward have ever seen as he nodded. "Yep, Esme has agreed to marry me. Kind of crazy, huh?"

"No." Edward reached out and hugged his brother, unable to keep his years from falling. "I'm happy for you, Car. You deserve some happiness."

"I love her." He spoke just loud enough for him to hear. "She makes everything easier."

Edward shifted his attention to where Bella and Esme were hugging, weeping, and laughing together over the news, and nodded. "I understand."

"I know you do." Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, pulling his attention back to him. "I haven't always been the best brother, but I want you to know that I love you, Edward. And I'm happy that you and Bella have this chance to be together. I'm gonna miss you. Especially the way you cook," he teased.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Esme can teach you a thing or two about cooking."

"Not likely," Bella snickered as she leaned away from her sister. "Why do you think Emmett or Rose did most of the cooking at our house? Esme burns water."

"I do not!" she argued, but then smiled and said, "Okay, one time."

"I'm not even going to ask how you managed to burn water." Edward shook his head and opened the carton of eggs. "Let me make you a real breakfast, Esme."

"Won't say no," she laughed.

Catching Bella's eyes, he smiled, trying to convince both of them that they were making the right decision by leaving Forks.

—WH—

Edward stood in the middle of his bedroom, looking around the room. When they moved to Forks, he'd been less than thrilled with the idea of starting over. Of the second chance they were being given. He didn't want to be the new kids, the one they stared at and whispered about in the hallway. And they had. But she had been different.

Bella never looked at him as the kid with the broken heart, the dead parents, the dysfunctional remnants of a family that was struggling to stay together. She saw him as someone worth loving, someone worth calling her family. Together they healed a part of their souls that had been torn apart by tragedy. She was his everything, the one and only person who saw the fragile, scared boy who still cried in secret over his mother's heart that beat in his chest.

"Everyone's waiting," Bella said, and when he looked over his shoulder, he saw her leaning against the doorframe of their bedroom, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "Tell me you don't feel like I'm forcing this on you."

"I don't," he told her. Bella sighed. "I really don't. I just . . . I don't like change, I guess."

"Me, either," she admitted. "But I love you."

"I love you, too." Edward turned and walked over to her, sliding his hands on her hips as he pressed her against the doorjamb. "For you, I'm willing to do anything."

"But if you're not sure, if you're not ready—"

Edward closed the distance between their lips, his hands gripping her so tight she worried she'd bruise. He brushed his tongue across her bottom lip, and when her mouth opened, he took advantage.

"Jesus, Edward," Bella gasped, moaning when he moved his lips down to her neck, to her shoulder.

"I'm ready to be the man you need me to be," he whispered. "Even if I am scared."

"You've always been the man I need," she murmured. "And I'm scared, too."

"I know." Edward took a step backward and grabbed her hands. "Now, let's go. If we stay any longer, I might not have the courage to actually leave."

Bella smiled as she led him downstairs, to where their families were waiting for them. Emmett and Rose were next to the door, while Carlisle and Esme were hovering at the bottom of the stairs. Jasper and Alice were perched on the edge of the couch, but Edward knew it wasn't really goodbye with them. They'd be branching out on their own soon, too, and understood more than anyone how terrifying this could be.

"Well," Carlisle said, clapping his hands together. "I, um, I filled your car up with gas. Made sure you had plenty of air in your tires."

Edward laughed, softly. "Thanks."

"Just, um, you know be careful, okay? Don't let your meds run out," he added, hugging his brother. "I love you, Edward, and I'm thankful every day for you."

"I love you, too," Edward whimpered, struggling to keep his tears at bay. "Thanks, you know, for making the decision to let me live."

Carlisle smiled. "Well, figured we'd invested a lot of years in you. Might as well keep you around longer."

Edward laughed again as he turned to Esme, giving her a gentle hug and kissing her cheek. "Keep my brother in line, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"I will." Esme brought her hand up to his face. "Be happy, Edward. You and Butterbean deserve some happiness."

"We'll try," he murmured and stepped back while she and Bella said their goodbyes.

A cleared throat pulled his attention to the doorway, where Emmett and Rose were standing. She looked at him expectantly, while Emmett had his eyes locked on the floor. Edward was the first to admit that Emmett's reaction to their move had hurt. They'd always gotten along. He'd taught Edward some basic sign language when it was believed that Bella would never speak again, and he was there to hold them together when live threw curveball after curveball at them. To have him question his ability to take care of his wife, to love her, hurt.

Rose held out a small, white envelope. "It's not much, but it should help until your loans come through."

Edward took the envelope from her gingerly and opened it, feeling his eyes fly open when he saw the check for almost three thousand dollars.

"Don't make a big deal out of it," Emmett said, causing him to look up at him. "We just . . ." Emmett shook his head. "I know I've been an ass, but she's always needed me, and now she doesn't. Guess it's harder to let go than I thought it would be."

"Nobody is asking you to let go," Edward replied, shifting his from his brother-in-law to his wife. "And I can't promise that I will be able to give her the life she deserves, but I can promise to always love her."

"That's good enough for me," Emmett murmured as Bella walked up to them, slipping her hand into Edward's free hand.

"Are you ready?" she asked him, ignoring her brother.

"Butterbean," Emmett started, but Bella put her hand up.

"I don't want to hear it, Em. You've made your feelings clear, okay?"

Emmett sighed and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry. I know you're not the same woman you were a year ago, or even six months ago. I love you, Butterbean, and I will never stop being your overbearing, pain-in-the-ass brother. It's who I am."

Bella smiled as she tilted her head back and looked up at him. "I wouldn't have you any other way, Em. Love you, Goof ball."

Emmett grinned. "Love you, too, Butterbean."

As Bella and Edward walked out of the house and down to his car, which had been packed to the brim that morning, Edward felt like everything was changing. And it was. They were venturing out into a world on their own, away from the comfort of their families.

Ten minutes later, Edward turned into the parking lot of the hospital, causing Bella to turn and look at him.

"What are we doing here?" she asked, her voice soft and timid.

Edward didn't reply until he parked in one of the empty spaces close to the front doors. "Figured you'd want to say goodbye."

Bella inhaled a sharp breath as she turned and looked at the hospital. He could see the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't think you'd be upset."

"I'm not," she wept, softly. "I just . . . I never thought about coming by. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No!" Edward exclaimed, turning toward her. "I just assumed, that's all. We can go, if you want, I mean."

"No, no, I want to stay," she murmured. "Thank you for thinking about this."

"You're welcome." Edward climbed out of the car and jogged around to the other side, opening the door for Bella. "Come on. Let's go see them."

When they stepped off the elevator, Edward wasn't surprised to see Kate leaning against the nurses' desk. He suspected that the little old lady working the information desk often alerted them to Bella's arrival, knowing how hard it was for her to see her parents like this.

Kate looked over her shoulder and smiled as she turned and met them halfway. "I wondered if you'd be stopping by. Today's the big day, isn't it?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded as she looked around. "How are they?"

"Charlie's still the same. No better, no worse," she replied. "Renee, however, is having a great day."

"She is?" Bella asked, her eyes lighting up.

Kate smiled and led them down the hallway to the craft room, where they found Renee sitting at one of the tables with a puzzle spread out in front of her. Unlike before, her hair had been brushed and pulled up into a ponytail, she'd put on clean pajamas and a fresh robe. "Go sit with her."

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she walked over to Renee and sat in the chair across from her mother. The woman paused as she reached for a puzzle piece, her blue eyes shifting over to her daughter, and Edward felt himself holding his breath, waiting for the woman to lash out at Bella, like she had before.

"Do you like puzzles?" Renee asked.

Bella nodded.

"So does I," Renee laughed, picking up a piece. "I know they're not very cool, but my Grammie loves puzzles. And every Sunday, we go to her house for dinner, and then she and I work on a new one. Last week, it was this really pretty one with a lot of flowers. It's my favorite so far. Do you like flowers?"

"I do," Bella murmured.

"My boyfriend brings me flowers all the time. Charlie's a romantic like that," Renee said with a sigh as she looked toward the doorway, right at Edward. "Oh, who's he? He's cute."

Bella giggled. "That's Edward. He's mine."

"Oh, lucky girl," Renee snickered, looking back at Bella. She smiled. "Do I know you? You look so familiar."

"I do?" Bella whimpered.

Renee nodded. "Your eyes mostly."

"Oh," she whispered.

"I wonder where Charlie is?" Renee worried, frowning as she looked around the room. "He was supposed to meet me here, and he's never late."

"I'll . . . I'll go look for him," Bella cried, softly as she stood up. "I . . ."

Bella shook her head as she turned and walked over to Edward, pulling him out of the room and into the hallway. Once she was out of view of her mother, she wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into his shirt. Edward cradled her against him, trying to soothe away the tears that fell heavily from her eyes.

"For a moment, it was like I had her back?" Bella wept. "I miss her so much."

"I know," Edward murmured. "I know."

Bella stepped away and dragged her hands over her face and through her hair. "I'm ready to see him now."

"Are you sure?" Kate asked.

"As I ever will be," she replied.

Kate nodded and led them to Charlie's room. As he usually was, Charlie was pursed up in a wheel chair, next to the window. His dark hair was messy, laced with streaks of grey. Like always, his eyes were vacant, dead. He was lost inside himself, trapped in his own personal Hell.

Bella walked over to Charlie, kneeling on the floor in front of him and placed her hands in his. "Hey, Daddy," she whispered, her words thick with tears and pain. "I, um, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. Been busy with . . . That's a lie. I haven't been busy with anything. It's just hard. I miss you so much. You were supposed to be here with me, right now, but you're not."

Bella paused and blew out a heavy breath. "Edward and I are leaving Forks. Going to Seattle. College and married life. It's hard to leave, but we have to grow up sometime, don't we?"

Sighing, Bella stood up and placed her hands on either side of her father's face. She leaned in and pressed her lips against his forehead. "I love you, Daddy. I'll come back soon. I promise."

Bella and Edward made their way down the elevator and out of the hospital in silence. As Edward started the car and headed onto the highway, he put his fears and doubts aside. For her, he would put a smile on his face. For her, he'd do anything.

**Thank you for all the reviews. This chapter was harder to write than I expected. Edward wasn't very talkative. I hope you enjoyed it, and if so, please let me know by leaving me a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

3

Saying goodbye to her parents proved harder than Bella thought it would be. For years, she'd longed to sit across from her mother and have a civil conversation, to be able to be a normal girl, and gossip about boys and talk about clothes and what chick-flick they wanted to go watch. But the woman sitting there wasn't her mother, anymore. And Bella had to finally accept that Renee Swan, the mother she knew and loved, was gone.

And so was Charlie.

A sigh slipped out of her mouth as she turned her attention to Edward, who had one hand draped on the steering wheel, while the other was resting on the back of her seat.

"I love you," she murmured, causing him to smile and look over at her. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he said, sparing her a glance before looking back at the road. "Can I ask what promoted that sudden declaration of affection?"

"Do I need a reason?" she asked, leaning toward him and sliding her hand on his knee. "If I asked you to pull over onto the side of the road and make love to me, would you?"

"Yes," he said, immediately. "But we'd probably get arrested because there is no room in this car for sex so I'd have to take you against the car, which would draw attention and cause someone to call the cops."

Bella smiled. "It'd be worth it."

Edward laughed. "For you, maybe. I don't much fancy getting thrown in the slammer. Orange has never been my color, baby."

"Oh, but think of the fun we could have with handcuffs," Bella snickered, laughing harder when Edward's eyes flew open. "Too much?"

"A little," he murmured. "Not sure my heart could handle you and a pair of handcuffs."

Bella sighed and shifted her eyes out the window. "You're stronger than you think you are."

"I know," he said, quietly. "Are you all right? After seeing your mom and dad, I mean. Are . . . Was it too much?"

"I . . ." Bella shook her head. "I don't know. I miss them so much, but at the same time, it's hard to sit there and try not to beg and cry for them to come back to me. Does that make sense?"

Edward nodded. "Maybe I shouldn't have taken you to see them."

"Maybe not," Bella admitted with a sigh.

—WH—

An hour later, Edward pulled the car into an empty parking space in front of their new home. Young Hall was a new addition to the college, an effort by the university to offer housing to young married couples. For several minutes, they sat in the car, watching as men and women trickled in and out, boxes in their hands, smiles and laughter, peace and tranquility.

"Guess we should go inside, huh?" Edward chuckled, looking at Bella. "Kind of silly to be so nervous."

Bella smiled. "I'm nervous, too, you know."

"You are?" he asked. "You don't act like it."

"A clever ruse to make myself seem cooler," she told him, thinking back to when they first met and they were writing notes back and forth, trying to get to know each other. "I'm terrified, Edward."

"Me, too."

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she reached over and grabbed the door handle, pushing the door open. "We're grown-ups now. Time to . . . time to act like it."

"Yeah," Edward whispered before following her lead and opened his door.

They each grabbed a couple of bags from the trunk before walking into the building, finding themselves face to face with a tall red-haired woman with deep blue eyes. She looked up from her clipboard and smiled. "You must be the Cullens."

"Um, yeah," Edward murmured. "How'd you know?"

"Because you're the only ones who hadn't checked in yet," she explained with a laugh. "I'm Victoria, one of the resident advisors. My husband James is the other. Our apartment is the first on the left. You've been assigned apartment fourteen B, which on the left side, at the end of the hallway. Here are your keys," she said, holding out two brass keys to them.

"Oh, um, thanks," Bella murmured, placing her suitcase on the ground before taking the keys from her. They felt heavy in her hands.

"You're welcome." Victoria held the clipboard out to her. "I need you to sign on the bottom. Just says that you agree not to make copies of the keys, or give them to anyone else."

Bella quickly scribbled her name across the bottom and handed the clipboard to Edward so he could do the same, which he did.

"Thanks," Victoria said, taking the clipboard back from him. "I'll let you get started on moving in, but know that James and I are available anytime if you need anything. Just give us a holler."

"Yeah, okay, thanks," Edward replied, picking up the bag at his feet.

Bella simply nodded before following him down the hallway to their new apartment. She unlocked the door, but before she could walk inside, Edward dropped his bags and swept her off her feet, causing her to scream softly.

"It's okay," he said, laughing. "I just . . . I want to carry you over the threshold."

"You shouldn't be carrying me anywhere," she murmured, holding on tighter as he stepped into the apartment.

"I'm strong enough for this," he said, but quickly put her back on her feet.

They stood in the middle of their living room slash dining room slash kitchen. There was cheap floral couch with a wooden coffee table, a couple of end tables, and two lamps. There wasn't a television, but there was a small chest where they could place their television. The dining room had a small, square table and two plastic chairs that Bella was sure would match those in the cafeteria. In the kitchen, there was an olive-green refrigerator, a matching stove, and a couple sets of cabinets on either side of the small size. The walls throughout the apartment were plain white and the floor was covered in a shaggy, brown carpet that needed a thorough cleaning.

Bella and Edward shared a look before they grabbed their bags from the hallway and carried them into the bedroom, which had a full-size bed, two dressers, a couple nightstands, and two small closets. Through the bedroom was the bathroom, which had a standing shower, toilet, and sink.

"Wow," Bella murmured, placing the bags she was carrying on the bed.

"Yeah," Edward said. "Not great."

"But it's ours," she said, smiling. "That's something, right?"

Edward grinned. "It is."

Bella turned and placed her hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating. "Let's get the rest of our stuff and get settled in. We'll make this place our home."

It took them the better part of two hours, but they slowly managed to get the car unloaded and everything unpacked. The apartment still wasn't much, but at least it felt more like them. They'd added pictures and posters on the walls, covered the couch in the extra sheets they'd brought so the couch was now a deep blue, and not a horrid floral pattern. With the addition of a few lamps, throw pillows, pictures of their family, and such, the apartment was more than a dump, but still less than a home.

"I'm hungry," Edward said late in the afternoon. They were laying on the bed, which had been sprayed heavily with Lysol and covered with three sheets before they added their bedding. Call them paranoid, but they were careful.

"Me, too," she said, quietly. "Guess we should have gone to the market, huh?"

"Suppose so," he said. "Cafs open, though. Might as well take advantage of the food plan we've paid for."

Bella laughed as she stood up, holding her hand out to her husband. "Let's go."

They stepped into the hallway just as the door to the apartment across from theirs opened and a tall, curvy blonde woman and a dark-haired man stepped out. They looked up at Bella and Edward, smiling.

"Hey, neighbors," the woman said, a southern accent lacing her words. "How y'all doing?"

"Um, good," Bella murmured, tightening her grip on Edward's hand. "And yourselves?"

"Oh, can't complain," the woman laughed. "I'm Lauren Crowley. This is my husband Tyler. Who are you?"

"Edward and Bella," they said together.

"It's nice to meet you," Tyler said, smiling. "We were just heading out for dinner. Want to join us?"

"'Fraid it's nothing special," Lauren drawled, gesturing for them to follow. "Just the cafeteria, but the foods good and they have a huge selection."

"We were heading that way, anyway," Bella said.

The cafeteria was halfway across campus, but Bella worried that the walk would be too much for Edward, who still struggled with long distances. She didn't say anything, however, knowing how sensitive he was about his condition. Especially with Tyler and Lauren leading the way. This was supposed to be their second chance, a fresh start, and the last thing they needed was for people to stare at them again.

Lauren hadn't been lying when she said they had a great selection of food. Burgers, fries, pizzas, enchiladas, sandwiches, there was very little that they didn't offer. While Edward opted for a hamburger steak, baked potato, and a salad, Bella grabbed a burger and fries, secretly smiling about the fact that Emmett couldn't give her shit about eating junk. Once they had drinks, they followed Lauren and Tyler across the crowded cafeteria to a table in the back corner where Victoria was sitting with a tall, lanky blond guy.

"Hey, guys!" Victoria greeted, smiling as the four of them sat down. "Isabella and Edward, right? Fourteen B?"

"It's just Bella," Edward murmured.

"Oh, duly noted," Victoria giggled, sliding her hand across James's forearm. "This is my husband James. Honey, this is Bella and Edward Cullen from fourteen B."

"Nice to meet you both," James said, smiling before spearing a piece of cantaloupe on his fork and popping it into his mouth. "Get settled in okay?"

"Yeah," Bella said, quietly before picking up a fry and taking a small bite. It was odd to her, people being so friendly and polite, like they weren't freaks.

"I thought the university was going to remodel the apartments," Lauren said, mixing her salad with her dressing.

"Apparently the Football team needed a new weight room," James said, shaking his head.

"That's bullshit," Tyler scoffed. "They don't win enough to need new anything."

"For reals," Victoria agreed, before looking over at Bella and Edward. "Sorry. Where are you from?"

"Um, Forks," Bella told them, feeling everyone watching them. "It's a few hours from here."

"So what year are you in?" James asked. "Victoria and I are both grad students. Lauren and Tyler are starting their senior year."

"We're freshman," Edward said, and each of them stared at them with wide eyes. "We took a year off. Needed some time to . . . I don't know."

"So you're what? Twenty?" Victoria asked and when both Bella and Edward nodded, she said, "You're so young. How long have you been married?"

"A year and a half," they said together, knowing that they, like the people they'd encountered in Forks, would be shocked by their ages.

"So you're the veterans," Lauren laughed. "Ty and I got married eight months ago."

"It's been ten months for me and James," Victoria added.

"That's nice," Bella murmured, shifting her attention to her burger. Edward draped his arm around the back of her chair, his hand resting on the top of her back. She looked up at him, smiling when he winked at her.

"Oh, Lauren, did you get into Dr. McGregor's class?" Victoria asked.

And just like that, the focus was pulled away from Bella and Edward.

—WH—

After eating, the six of them walked back to their building. The air was cool and there was a light mist swirling around them. Edward kept his arm around Bella's waist as they followed James, Victoria, Tyler, and Lauren across campus. It was still odd to Bella that they were actually on their own, no brothers and sisters watching over them, making sure they were okay.

While Lauren and Tyler bid them good night and headed down to their apartment, Victoria placed her hand on Bella's shoulder, both her and James watching them closely. "If you need anything, please just ask," she said, leaning toward them. "Anything. James and I are more than just resident advisors; we're friends."

"Okay, thanks," Bella murmured, nodding.

Edward headed straight into the bathroom to take his meds while Bella changed into her pajamas and picked up her cell phone, sighing when she saw the texts and missed calls from Emmett. Pulling her knees up in front of her, she deleted all the notifications and sent him a text, assuring him that they were okay. That he didn't need to worry. He would anyway, she knew, but she would keep assuring him that they were managing. Because they were. Today they'd moved into their own apartment and made friends with their neighbors. Nobody stared at the girl with cancer or the boy with the broken heart. Today, they were just Bella and Edward Cullen.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Do me a solid and leave me another!**


	4. Chapter 4

4

"Okay, the admin building is . . ." Bella trailed off as she looked up from the map in her hands and to the east. "That way. I think, anyway."

"I think it's that way," Edward disagreed, peering over her shoulder at the map and tilting his head toward the west. "See? Here's the library. Then comes the fine arts building. The admin building is to the west of it."

"Are you sure? Because there is the science building, and the admin building isn't too far from it, either," Bella argued, sighing when her cell phone started blaring. "Son of a bitch," she muttered as she thrust the map into Edward's hands and dug her phone out, rolling her eyes when she saw Emmett's name flashing. Sliding her finger over the green talk arrow, she shared a look with Edward, who was trying to keep from laughing at the fact that her brother had called three times in the last three hours. "Hello, Emmett."

"Hey, Butterbean," he said. "Sorry to call again, but you got this thing in the mail. It's an advertisement for watches. Want me to bring it down to you?"

"Dude, are you serious?" Bella laughed. "No. Just throw it out!"

"Oh," he said, and she could hear the disappointment in his voice, but he kept finding the stupidest reasons to call. First, it was to remind her that she had a check-up with Phil next week. And then, it was to ask where the box of granola she'd bought him last week was. After that, he called to tell her he'd found it.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the school?" she asked. "First staff meeting of the year, right?"

"I am," he told her. "We're taking a break."

"You mean you lied about needing to pee and you're calling me from the boys' bathroom."

"No," he scoffed. "I ducked into Banner's classroom."

Bella laughed.

"It was the closest room!" he exclaimed, laughing with her.

"Because that doesn't make it seem any less awkward," she teased, sitting on a small, stone bench. "I'm fine, Em. I promise."

"I know," he whispered. "I just miss you."

"I miss you, too." Biting her lip, she looked at Edward, who was still studying the map. "Maybe you can help us. You graduated from UW. We're looking for the admin building. I think it's closer to the science building, but Edward thinks it's by the Fine Arts building. Who's right?"

Emmett chuckled softly. "Butterbean, listen to your husband. It's by the Fine Arts building. You're looking at the business office."

"Aren't they the same thing?" she asked, huffing.

"Nope," he quipped. "Guess I'd better get back in the meeting. New boss and all."

"Love you, Em."

"Love you, too, Butterbean."

Bella ended the call and stood up, shoving the phone back into her pocket. "You're right. Em said it's by the Fine Arts building."

Edward smiled, but didn't say anything as he folded the map and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her across campus. There was a long line of students at the admin building. The line stretched across the lobby, through the doors and had started wrapping around the side of the building.

Bella and Edward shared a look before getting in line. They had planned on being there first thing that morning. They'd gotten up early and grabbed a quick breakfast in the cafeteria, but then Emmett called, Lauren and Tyler begged them to stay while they ate, then Emmett called again, and again, and then they got lost. Now, they had to wait in a long line and hope they were able to register for the classes they'd picked.

The line moved slowly, and they waited, a light drizzle turned into a soft rain. Edward pulled an umbrella out of his backpack and held it above them, nestling her close to his body as the cold rain drizzled around them. Bella tried to keep from shivering, but her body shook as the cold sank into her.

"Bella? Edward?" They looked over their shoulders as James walked toward them, bypassing the three dozen people waiting behind them. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing. Come on. We can wait inside."

"But . . ." Bella trailed off as she and Edward followed James past everyone and squeezed into the building, ignoring the complaints about them cutting in. Compared to the cold outside, inside the admin building felt too warm, almost stifling. Edward shook the excess water off the umbrella before closing it and shoving it back into his bag.

"Hang back one second," James said, leading them around everyone and stopping next to the desk of a woman with dark, black hair. He leaned down and whispered something to her, causing her to shift her attention to where Edward and Bella stood and nodding. She stood up and said something to the girl who was seated in front of her before she headed toward the back. James walked back to them. "This way."

"What the hell is going on?" Bella asked as she and Edward followed James, who was heading toward the back of the office after the woman.

He didn't reply, however, as he stopped outside an office and gestured for them to go inside, which they did with apprehension. The woman, who had shiny black hair and large, kind blue eyes, was sitting behind the desk with two folders in front of her.

"Bella, Edward, this is Charlotte Davis. She's the Director of Student Services," James explained. "She'll help you get registered for classes."

"Oh, um, okay," Edward murmured, frowning as he looked from him to Charlotte and back. "But shouldn't we have waited in line? I mean, there were other people ahead of us."

"Nonsense," Charlotte said, drawing their attention to her. "No point in waiting when I'm free to help you now."

"But . . ." Edward shook his head as he and Bella walked over and sat in front of the desk.

"I'll wait in the hallway," James said. "When you're done, I can drive you home."

"We can walk," Bella told him.

"I'm going that way, anyway," he said, waving her off. And before she could argue with him, he was gone.

Bella sighed and turned her attention back to Charlotte. "So, we're getting to skip the line, huh?"

She nodded. "Do you have any idea what classes you're wanting to sign up for?"

"Um, yeah," Edward murmured, sharing a look with her before placing his list of classes on her desk. Bella did the same as the realization of what was going on hit her like a ton of bricks. They were being treated differently because he was the boy with the broken heart and she was the girl with cancer.

—WH—

"Okay, I think that's everything," Charlotte said, half an hour later. She turned her chair toward the printer and waited for the two schedules to print. When she turned back to them, she smiled and held them out to them. "You need to talk to the Director of Financial Aid about your work study, but there shouldn't be any problem getting you both somewhere. Maybe the library or the bookstore."

"Oh, right," Bella murmured, looking over her schedule. None of her classes started until nine, and all of them were done by two, and she'd managed to get Friday's free. Edward's schedule was almost identical to hers, only he had a three o'clock class on Tuesday and Thursdays. Neither of them were sure what they wanted to study, so they were focusing on getting their basics out of the way before declaring their major.

"I want you both to know that my door is always open," Charlotte added, tapping her nails on top of our files. "Anytime, okay?"

Bella and Edward both hummed before standing up and picking up their bags. "It was my brother, wasn't it?" Bella asked, shifting her eyes back to Charlotte, who furrowed her brow. "Who called and told you about us. It was my brother, right?"

Charlotte pressed her lips together, but shook her head. "Actually, no. I've never talked to _your_ brother, Bella."

"It was mine?" Edward asked, a furious tone lacing his words. "Carlisle called you?"

"No," Charlotte said, hesitating for a moment before adding, "I actually called him."

"Huh?" Bella asked, while Edward said, "I don't understand."

Charlotte sighed and leaned back in her chair. "My husband is Dr. Peter Davis, Edward."

"Oh," he groused. "So, my cardiothoracic surgeon shared my personal, private health records with the Director of Student Services, huh?"

"No," she insisted, putting her hand up quickly. "He simply mentioned that one of his patients had been accepted here and was planning on living in the dorms. He gave me your brother's number. When I called Carlisle to ask about what type of considerations we needed to make for you, he said there weren't any. That you and your wife were perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves," she explained.

"Then why the special treatment?" Bella asked.

"Because when my husband goes out of his way to even mention one of his patients, I tend to pay attention. Peter isn't the kind of man to share his work with me, so he must have been concerned."

"What exactly did he tell you about me?" Edward asked, his tone softer than it had been moments ago.

Charlotte smiled. "He said you were strong, stronger than anyone he's ever treated. He said you were brave and kind, and that you have a fantastic support system. He said you'd been lucky to find your wife, that she's given you the strength to keep fighting when others like you would have given up. He said you made him work harder to keep you alive, but that you were going to change the world."

"He said all that?" Edward murmured.

Charlotte nodded. "He thinks very highly of you." She shifted her eyes to Bella. "And of you, too."

"Me?" Bella asked, unable to keep the shock and surprise out of her voice.

Charlotte laughed. "Yes, you."

"This is crazy," Bella whispered, shaking her head.

"What is?" Charlotte asked, her forehead furrowing.

"All of this!" she explained, waving her hand in the air. "Look, it's not that we're not appreciative of everything, but we don't want special treatment. There were people who had already been standing in like a lot longer than we were, and yet, they didn't get rushed in here like this. That's not right!"

"I know, but it's raining," she said. "And cold."

"So?" Edward scoffed, but then he nodded. "I see. You think we're too fragile to stand outside in a little rain and cold. That my heart will give out if I get wet, or that Bella will grow another tumor? Is that it?"

"Of course not," she insisted, but Bella knew she was lying. "James was concerned. Since he'd already brought you in, I thought I'd go ahead and help you."

"So James knows about us, too?" Bella asked, her heart sinking. If James knew, so would Victoria and their warm welcome wasn't because they wanted to be their friends, but because they were the freaks in apartment fourteen B.

"It was important that they know," Charlotte said, defending the fact that she shared personal information with their resident advisors. "Just in case."

"Of course they did," she whispered as she turned and walked toward the door. "Wouldn't want the freaks to feel normal, would we?"

Though Bella heard her calling after her, she ignored the woman and rushed out of the office, past James who said, "Hey, all ready?" and out of the building. The rain had picked up and the sky was darker, angrier than when they were rushed inside. Humiliating tears mixed with the raindrops that fell on her face.

Once — just once — she'd wanted to be Bella. Just Bella. Not the girl whose parents fell, or the girl with the tumor and no voice. She wanted to be Bella, the girl who loved her husband, who laughed and smiled and sang in the shower. She wanted to be normal, yet when everyone knew about the cancer that'd made its home inside her throat, the cancer that threatened to steal her life away twice.

A hand came to rest on her shoulder as an umbrella covered her head. Bella turned toward Edward, her chin wobbling. "We should have known better."

"Yeah," he whispered, sliding his hand to the back of her head, nestling her against him.

"You're not the boy with the broken heart to me," she cried. "You know that, don't you?"

"God yes!" he exclaimed, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "And you know that I don't see you as the cancer girl. You're my Bella. My wife, my . . . my everything. You know that, right?"

Bella nodded and sobbed harder. "Take me home."

"Okay," Edward whispered, but they'd barely taken a few steps when they heard James yelling for them to stop. When they looked over their shoulder, they saw him running out of the building with his jacket pulled up over his head.

"My cars over this way," he said, gesturing to the parking lot to the left of the building.

"We're walking," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Come on, I'm going that way, anyway," James insisted, grabbing Bella's arm.

"We're fucking walking!" she screamed and pushed him away. "We don't want or need your pity, or charity, or anything else. Just stop!"

And leaving him standing in the rain, Bella and Edward turned and made the walk about to their apartment with the realization that they'd never be normal again.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Thoughts on this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 5

5

"Is the coast clear?" Bella asked.

Edward cracked the door open, peeking through the small slit. "I think so."

Bella hummed, but didn't say anything as she shoved her English Comp book into her backpack. "Did you take your meds?"

"Yep," Edward replied, closing the door and turning back toward her. "So I'll meet you at the caf for lunch?"

She smiled and slung her backpack onto her shoulder. "With bells on."

"Really?" Edward smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. "You're wearing bells?"

"It's a figure of speech, dumbass," she scoffed, placing her hands on his chest before leaning up on the tips of her toes and pressing her lips against his. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied.

Bella took a deep breath as she opened the door to their apartment and stepped into the hallway, her eyes searching for Victoria and James. They had taken to conveniently being around when either she or Edward left for class every morning. More than once, Bella had to bite the tip of her tongue to keep from lashing out at them. She knew they only meant to help, but the last thing she or Edward needed was for them to be in their faces. They may the girl with cancer and the boy with the broken heart, but they were survivors.

Bella had just reached the front doors when she heard her name being called. Groaning inwardly, she turned and saw Victoria hobbling out of hers and James' apartment with trying to shove her arms into her leather jacket. Her red hair had been twisted into a messy bun on the top of her head.

"Ugh, I'm having the hardest time getting going this morning," she grumbled, but smiled. "Why don't I walk you to class? I'm working in the Writing Lab this morning, so it's on my way."

"Sure," Bella muttered, dryly. "Why not?"

She pushed the door open and walked outside, shivering from the cold morning air. As they set off across campus, Bella could feel Victoria's eyes on her, watching her, waiting for her to fall apart and need help. It made her think about Esme. Her sister had taken to texting several times throughout the day, talking about the plans for her and Carlisle's wedding.

A smile pulled at the corners of her lips at the thought of her sister and her fiancé. Bella had never seen her sister so happy. For too many years, she'd had put her own happiness aside to take care of her and Emmett, but now, she was finally content. They were planning a Christmas Wedding, and Bella couldn't think of any better way to celebrate the holidays.

"So, I told him," Victoria laughed, grabbing Bella's arm, "he could clean the kitchen, since he was the one who burnt dinner!"

Bella tried to laugh as she tugged her arm out of the woman's grip. "Haha, that's funny."

"You weren't listening, were you?"

Biting her lip, she shook her head. "Sorry."

Victoria smiled. "Don't be. I babble a lot."

Bella wasn't sure what to say. She liked Victoria, but she hated the way she and James hovered over them. They had spent too many years with siblings who governed their every move. This was supposed to be their chance to grow up, to be adults. That's all they wanted.

"Well, this is you, I guess." Victoria pulled the glass door open and turned to face Bella. "Maybe I'll see you after class."

"Can I say something without coming off as a bitch?" Bella asked, but instead of letting Victoria respond, she continued. "You need to stop."

"Stop what?" she asked, dumbly.

"Stop trying to keep us from getting sick," Bella argued and before Victoria could say anything more, Bella went on to say, "We know you and James know about our health issues, but when you and James, and everyone else who looks at me and Edward and sees nothing but a couple of sick kids, makes it really hard for us to put ourselves out there. We're not those people anymore, or at least we're trying like Hell not to be them. It's taken a lot of time and a lot of tears, but we've fought to be here. And with you hovering all the time, just makes it harder to breathe."

Victoria blew out a deep breath. "I'm . . . I'm sorry. We just wanted to help."

"I know," Bella admitted. "And it's not that we aren't appreciative, but we have brothers and sisters who annoy the fuck out of us. We just kind of thought you and James might be friends. We need friends, not caregivers."

Victoria laughed and nodded. "We can do that. Or we'll try, at least."

"Thank you," Bella said with a smile. "Anyway, I'd better get to class before Ms. McCoy locks the door."

"Oh, yeah, she can be a bitch," Victoria snickered as Bella left her holding the door.

She made it to her classroom just as her teacher was reaching for the door. Giving her a look, Ms. McCoy allowed her into the room and Bella settled in her usual seat in the front, feeling better having told Victoria how she felt. Hopefully, things would start settling sooner, rather than later.

—WH—

By the time Bella arrived at the dining hall, she had a splitting headache, which she thought was from a combination of sitting through a lecture on using the databases the library provided for their research papers, listening to her History professor drone on about the American Revolution, and hunger. She should have grabbed a protein bar that morning and tossed it into her bag.

Edward was already seated at their usual table with two trays filled with food. He had taken to gathering both their lunches, so she didn't have to wait in line. She never wanted him to feel he had to wait on her, like a servant, but today, she was grateful. She needed food, sooner rather than later.

"Hey," she said, sliding into the empty chair next him and leaning over to kiss him. "How was class?"

"It was cool," he said, grinning. "I'll tell you about it after you eat."

"That gross?" she grimaced at the thought of what he had done in his biology class. Where Bella loved her books, Edward loved science and had taken a shine to his biology class, where he had already dissected a frog and a starfish.

"Yep," he chuckled, pushing the tray with a salad, turkey club, bowl of mixed fruit, and bottle of lemonade. "Is this okay?"

"Looks delicious," she groaned, reaching for the sandwich, but pulling her hand back when her cell started chiming with a call. Sighing, she dug her phone out of her bag. "Oh, it's Jasper."

Sliding her finger across the green arrow first, she brought the phone to her ear and said, "Hey, Jas."

"Is this a bad time?" he asked without as much as a hello.

"Just interrupting my lunch," she grumbled, picking out a grape from her mixed fruit and tossing it into her mouth. "What's up?"

"I, um, I wanted you to be the first to know, besides Alice of course, but I got the job. I'm going to be an apprentice at Twilight Tattoos."

"Awe, Jas, that's great," she cooed, smiling. "When do you start?"

"Next week. Gotta do a background check, drug test, and an assload of paperwork so I can apply for my license," he rambled, and she could hear the nerves in his voice. "It'll be nice to be making some money, though. Actually help with bills and shit."

"I heard that," Bella muttered. "Alice okay? She liking her classes?"

"It's . . . it's been kind of hard on her," Jasper muttered. "Harder than she thought. I don't . . . I don't know how to help her, you know? She . . . she doesn't sleep, and I don't know."

Bella nodded and bit her lip, shifting her attention to Edward, who was watching her with anticipation. Without a word, she held her phone out to him.

Edward took it, frowning as he brought it to his ear and said, "Hello?"

The sound of Edward's voice must have set Jasper off on a long rant, or plea for help, because Edward just leaned back in this chair, nodding and saying, "Yes," "Uh Huh," and "Okay" every few minutes.

Unable to stop herself, Bella began scarfing down her lunch, while watching her husband and best friend talk. They hadn't always gotten along. In fact, most of the time, Jasper and Edward avoided each other with the common knowledge that they were taking care of her and Alice.

"I know it's hard, Jasper, but you're doing everything right. Just remember that as long as you're eating, she will, too. And don't let her push you away; that's her defense mechanism, because she's scared."

Once more, Edward fell silent, his head bobbing up and down as he nodded. Bella lifted her bottle of lemonade off the tray, unscrewing the lid, and tossing it onto the tray before taking a swig.

Edward smiled, his eyes flickering to Bella as he said, "She's putting on a brave face, but she's a fucking mess."

"I am not!" she muttered under her breath.

"Yeah, okay," he snickered. "Hang on."

Edward held the phone out to Bella. "He wants to talk to you."

Rolling her eyes, she took the device from him and placed it back at her ear. "I'm fine, Jas."

"Yeah, okay, darlin'," he scoffed. "Look, I've gotten run, but thanks for being here, okay? I really needed to hear your voice."

Bella smiled. "I needed to hear yours, too," she admitted. "Give Alice our love, okay? And we'll get together soon. Promise?"

Jasper mumbled a rushed yes before ending the call. Bella dropped her phone back into her bag and picked up the last of her sandwich. "I worry about them."

"Me, too," Edward admitted, pushing his pasta salad around on his plate.

Bella reached over and slid her hand across his arm, causing him to look up at her. "I'm sure Alice is okay."

"Yeah, I know," he agreed, leaning over and kissing her. "I'd better go. I'm going to be late for lab."

"Okay." Bella watched as Edward walked out of the dining hall before gathering their trash and tossing in the waste bends. Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder, Bella started across campus to the bookstore. When she and Edward sat down with Jessica Stanley, the Director of Financial Aid, to discuss their work-study, she had hoped to get a position in the library, but those were reserved for upper level students. So, she accepted a job working in the bookstore, while Edward worked in the administration office. He said he mostly sorted mail, made copies, and sat staring at the wall, but they agreed it was better than busting dishes.

Bella suspected that she and Edward had been given special treatment once again, but she was too tired to argue with anyone about it. She hated that they saw the two of them as charity cases, but what could she do? Being pissed wasn't helping.

"Hey, Bella," Maggie called. Maggie was the manager of the bookstore. Petite, with thick, curly red hair, pale ivory skin and a face covered in freckles, she looked to be about sixteen, when in reality, she was almost thirty. Maggie had taken over the Bookstore after earning her Master's Degree last spring.

"Hey, Maggie," Bella murmured, storing her bag under the counter. "Been busy today?"

"God, no," she whined, looking up from the stack of invoices she was scouring. "It's been so quiet."

"That's bad, I guess," Bella murmured, and walked around the counter, standing on the other side and looking down at the boxes lined up. "What are these?"

"New T-shirts, towels, pajama pants, socks — all with the school's logo on them. I'm thinking about rearranging the store, so I haven't unpacked them yet."

"What are thinking about changing?" Bella asked, turning and looking at the store. To be honest, the space was not well organized. A dozen shelves lined the back wall and were filled with text books, while the rest of the store was a mixture of clothing, office supplies, and miscellaneous.

"I don't know," Maggie said, walking around so that she stood next to Bella. "We can't really move the shelves with the books. I mean, we could, but I'm not going to. They need to be out of the way, but I think the rest needs to be better organized. What do you think?"

"Um." Bella bit the inside of her lip as she looked around. "If it were up to me, I'd put the clothes toward the front, so that the school's logo can be seen by those walking by. And, um, then, I'd put the office supplies toward the back, next to the text books. They kind of go together, right?"

"That they do," Maggie agreed. "Sounds like a plan. Should we get started?"

"Um, yeah, okay," Bella said, eagerly.

Unlike Charlotte in the administration office, or Jessica in financial aid, Maggie didn't treat Bella like she would fall apart with the slightest tough. She had Bella working hard, earning her money, and for that, Bella didn't mind the sweat that came with moving racks of clothes, tables filled with pens, pencils, and binders, or unpacking the dozen boxes with new merchandise. Bella felt normal, felt alive. Her only wish was that her mother and father could be just a phone call away.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I'm not 100% in love with this chapter, but it is what it is. Please do me a favor and leave me a few words, even if you hate it.**


	6. Chapter 6

6

"Are you ready?" Edward leaned against the doorframe to their bedroom, watching as his wife brushed her hair. "We're going to be late."

"I'm coming," she said, quietly and placed her brush on the dresser. "Is the coast clear?"

Edward smiled. "Yeah, I watched them leave half an hour ago."

"Thank God," Bella laughed, grabbing the sweater she'd laid on the bed and pulling it up. She'd found the dark gray cardigan at a thrift store the week before for only two dollars and had fallen in love. She wore it constantly, even if Edward teased her that it was an old woman sweater. It reminded her of the sweaters her mother wore when she was a little girl. "I don't think I could handle them today."

"Me either," Edward scoffed, thinking about the last few weeks.

He and Bella had settled into their apartment with more ease than he expected. Their classes were hard, but they'd both manage to keep their marks up. Their respected jobs weren't too bad, either. It was their neighbors that proved to be annoying. Edward and Bella liked James and Victoria, Tyler and Lauren, but found it frustrating that they were constantly coddling the two of them. They'd had a lifetime of pity, and all they wanted were friends.

"Okay, I'm ready," Bella said, smiling as she picked up her purse. Edward held his hand out to her, which she took eagerly.

Together, they headed out to their car and climbed in. Between work, classes, and study, they hadn't had a chance to do much of anything else, so today they were head down to the Pikes Peak Market to meet Jasper and Alice. They hadn't had a chance to hang out with them since their move, and desperately needed the time away from the dorms, where they felt they were continuously being watched. It had made them both paranoid to the point that they wondered if even their professors were giving them special treatment.

"Are you sure Jasper wanted to meet here?" Edward asked half an hour later as they found themselves waiting outside of the market. "This doesn't seem like the kind of place Jasper would come."

Bella frowned. "Jasper's dad used to bring us here every month. We'd come early and watch as they sorted the fish and we'd spend all day exploring the craft shops. After his parents died, it was hard for him to come here, especially with me being sick. He got real angry, just mean at times. One morning, after a real hard night, I dragged him here. We spent all day just milling around. It was the first time since the fire and me losing my voice that Jasper and I didn't cry."

"Sometimes, I forget how close you two are," he murmured, sliding his arm around her waist. "It's hard not to be jealous that he got to hold you when you needed someone to be there."

"If you'd known me before the fire, before the first tumor, you wouldn't be the man I need right now, Edward. We were meant to meet when we did, to fall in love when we did, to start our lives together. You had Alice, I had Jasper, that's who God planned it, I think."

"I don't know how you can still believe in God after everything we've been through."

Bella smiled. "I just do. Sometimes, I find myself angry with Him, though. Wonder what I did to deserve tumors and cancer and losing my voice, not being able to have my parents back, but then I think about how if I hadn't been a messed up freak, you might not have wanted me as your girl."

"What?" Edward asked. "You think I only liked you because you were a freak?"

Biting her lip, she nodded.

"Babe, come on; you know me better than that." Edward turned so that he was facing her. Bringing his hands up to her face, he leaned forward so that his lips were just millimeters away from hers. "I liked you because you didn't care that I wasn't perfect, that I had a broken heart. I fell in love with you because you're strong and beautiful and funny and when I'm with you, I feel normal."

"Kiss me," Bella breathed and moments later, his lips were on hers.

She grabbed his hips, needing more, wanting more, and demanding more. Her knees weakened, but Edward held her tight. Where his lips were demanding, hers yielded to him, parting when he swiped his tongue. A moan formed inside her chest, the feel of his lips on hers always had her yearning for more. How had she survived before him?

The sound of a throat being clear pulled them apart and diverted their attention away from each other. Jasper and Alice were standing a few feet away, looking both embarrassed and amused. Even though it had only been a few weeks since they saw them, Edward couldn't help but notice the difference in his sister and her boyfriend.

Alice had dark circles under her eyes and looked like she'd lost a few pounds, no doubt to the fear that came with anything new, but there was a sparkle in her eyes that he hadn't seen since before their parents died, before her body was burned. Alice looked happy and he knew Jasper was largely credited for that fact.

"Hey, Pix." Edward stepped away from Bella and opened his arms to his sister, who cried a little as she hugged him. He placed his hand on the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her waist, cradling her to his chest. "I missed you, too."

"Sorry," she mumbled, but didn't make an effort to release him.

Bella placed her hand on Jasper's arm and led him away a little bit, giving them a chance to talk. Just one more reason he loved Bella so much. She understood more than anyone how much his family meant to him, how guilty he felt for being alive when his parents were dead. Life hadn't been fair to any of them, yet they kept living.

"You look tired," Edward said, running his fingers through her hair. "Nightmares?"

"A few, she murmured, taking a step backward. "The usual ones. Jasper helps, but I still hear them sometimes."

"How are you dealing with it?" he asked, not wanting to push too hard, but Alice had a tendency to keep everything bottled inside until she exploded. If she was close to that point, he needed to warn Jasper.

"I'm painting a lot," she said and when he cocked an eyebrow, she sighed. "Not the accident, just other things. People I see, sunsets, bowls of fruit. Jasper even lets me paint him, sometimes."

"Ugh, I don't need to hear that, Pix," Edward grumbled.

Alice laughed. "Not like that, sicko. Though, we're getting closer to be ready for a more physical relationship."

Edward shuddered at the thought of his sister having sex, but a part of him—the part that knew what a big step that would be for her—was happy that Alice and Jasper were finding strength in each other. "How's school?"

"My classes are amazing, really teaching me so much more about techniques and clean lines and angles. It's really awesome."

"Awesome? I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say awesome," Edward teased.

"Shut up, asshole!" Alice laughed, and looked over her shoulder at Bella and Jasper. "I'm happy, Edward. For the first time in . . . forever, I think I'm really happy. I miss Mom and Dad every single day, but we have this amazing little family that loves us."

Edward wasn't sure what to say. After being burned in the accident, Alice had all but shied away from attention, from anyone who dared look at her. For a moment, he saw the old Alice, the one who'd talk his ear off for hours about one of her paintings. He'd missed the old Alice more than he realized.

"Oy, you two," Alice called to Bella and Jasper, who shifted their attention to her. "I'm starving, so let's go eat."

"Yeah, okay," Bella hollered back, meeting Edward's eyes and smiling.

After a lot of bickering, they decided to eat at a small bakery called Caffé Lieto, who was well known for their biscuits and gravy. They didn't disappoint. Their southern style biscuits and gravy hit the spot and Edward watched as Alice ate every bite of her order.

Once they'd paid for their breakfast, they headed toward the crafts market. Hundreds of venders were lined up, ready to sell you trinkets and knickknacks galore. While Bella and Alice went from booth to booth, stopping and gushing over a painting or one-of-a-kind vinyl record, Edward hung back and watched. There was a time, and not too long ago, that Alice didn't like Bella. Felt she was putting too much stress on him, too much pressure, hence causing him even more issues with his heart.

"She's lying to you," Jasper said, quietly as he stood next to Edward.

"About what?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Everything. She barely eats, doesn't sleep until she literally passes out from exhaustion, and then she has the nightmares. She's started making up excuses on why she can't go to class. She won't tell me why, but I think she's afraid of going."

Edward inhaled a sharp breath and brought his hand up to his chest, making a mental note to journal this episode when they got back to their apartment. "Why would she lie to me?"

"Why do you think?"

And when Edward looked at him, he saw that Jasper was gesturing to the hand he had on his chest. "Oh."

"She worries about you."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"I'm sure you are."

Edward could tell that Jasper didn't believe him, and he didn't care. Alice was hurting and he had no clue how to help her.

"I think a part of her feels like everyone is moving on with their lives, but she's kind of stuck in one place."

"She's the one who chose to move to Port Angeles for school!" Edward exclaimed.

"Yeah, because you and Bella came here to Seattle," Jasper argued. "I'm not saying you're wrong for moving here, because I think it was time for the two of you to strike out on your own. I just worry about Alice. Carlisle's so focused on his job and Esme, on not cutting anymore, that I think he's forgotten that she still needs him."

"He hasn't called her?"

Jasper pressed his lips together and shook his head. "Not once."

"Jesus fuck, my brother is an asshole," Edward muttered and pulled out his cell to call and give Carlisle a piece of his mind, but Jasper grabbed it before he could. "Dude, what the hell?"

"I'm not telling you this so you'll fix everything, Edward."

"Then why?"

"Because she's not going to." Jasper pointed to Alice, who was laughing at something Bella said. "And I don't want to lose her."

"You think she'd do something to herself?" Edward asked.

"Not intentionally."

Edward shook his head, sighing heavily. "So what's your plan?"

"Hell if I know. Thought about talking to Phil, see if he can refer her to a therapist, but I don't know that she'd go. Fuck, I didn't go when they wanted me to."

"Yeah, she won't, either," Edward murmured. "Maybe she just needs more time to settle in to life in Port Angeles?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"How are you doing?" Edward asked.

"I'm okay, I guess. Started my apprenticeship last week. Mostly just grunt work, but everyone's got to start somewhere, right?"

He nodded. "Might be the answer for Pix, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Pix has always considered herself to be a painter, but maybe if she saw herself more of an artist. Like, say drawing designs for tattoos? She'd feel important. Needed."

Jasper pressed his lips together and shifted his focus back to Alice and Bella. "Yeah, maybe."

—WH—

By the time Edward and Bella made it back to their apartment, he was exhausted. They'd spent hours scouring the crafter's market and in the end had found a couple awkward lamps for their apartment, a new rug for the living room, and a vintage set of green glasses that reminded Edward of the ones his mother had kept in her china cabinet.

They'd eaten dinner with Jasper and Alice before saying their goodbyes, and the more he watched his sister, the more convinced he was that Jasper was telling the truth. Alice was barely hanging on. It wasn't that she really said or acted oddly. She forced herself to smile and laugh, to be happier than she'd been in years. Edward knew Alice was nearing her breaking point; he just wasn't sure how to help her. If Jasper couldn't get through to her, who could?

"Hey," Bella called, drawing his attention to the doorway of their bedroom. She stood wearing a sheer black, nightie that hid nothing.

Edward licked his lips as he stood from the couch, taking in the sight in front of him. She was beauty personified. His mouth yearned to taste her, his hands needed to feel her, his cock begged to be in her. His chest heaved as he walked across their apartment, pressing her against their bedroom door.

"When did you get this?"

Bella smiled. "It's just a little something I've been saving for a special occasion. Do you like it?"

Edward nodded. "It's sexy as fuck, baby."

"I feel sexy in it." Bella pushed him away and climbed onto their bed, leaning against the stack of pillows with her knees bent in front of her. She dragged her hands across her chest, down her stomach until she reached the hem of her nightie. Slipping her hand beneath, she slid her fingers along her pussy, moaning softly.

"Jesus fuck," Edward hissed, his hands flying to the front of his pants. He quickly had them undone and down to his knees as he shuffled across their room. He kicked them off and shed his shirt. Crawling onto the bed, he grabbed her by the ankles and pulled her so that she was lying in front of him. He grabbed the hand she'd been touching herself with and pressed it against the bulge in his underwear. "Do you feel this?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded. "Is that for me?"

"Only for you."

Edward scooted on the bed so that he was between her legs. Pressing on her thighs, he opened her up to him. He shifted his eyes to hers as he snaked his tongue out and gave her a hard lick.

"Fuck," Bella hissed.

"Yeah, baby, I'll fuck you," Edward murmured, before attacking her pussy with gusto. He loved making her climax, whether with his fingers, his tongue, or his cock. He loved that he controlled her pleasure, that she needed him to make her explode in with pleasure. Over and over, he sucked and licked, nibbled and flicked her labia and clit, needing more and more of her sweet flavor.

"Oh, oh, oh, God, Edward," she cried, her back arching off the bed.

He lapped up as much as he could before leaning up on the bed. He shoved his boxers off and positioned his throbbing cock at her opening. With a shift of his hips, he entered her, causing both of them to shudder. There was nothing — nothing — like the feeling of being inside her. It was like coming home.

Setting a steady pace, Edward began to move, his hands taking purchase on her thigh as she curled her leg around his waist. Their bodies glided together, their breathing heavy, their love abundant. As they made love, Edward found himself wondering what life would have been like for them if he hadn't been the boy with the broken heart and she hadn't been the girl with no voice.


	7. Chapter 7

7

When Edward told Bella about how hard things had been for Alice, Bella was furious. Not at Alice, of course. She was doing the best she could. No, Bella was furious with Carlisle. She thought of the man as a brother, and loved that he cherished her sister so much, but damn, how could he be so obtuse to what was going on with his own sister? Alice needed him and he was too busy pretending life wasn't falling apart. And so had Bella and Edward.

They had left everyone behind so they could start a new life together, and forgotten about those that needed them. Alice and Jasper were just like them: scarred on the inside and outside, scared of where their lives would take them. They'd been forced to grow up too fast, and Edward and Bella had left them behind. That was a mistake they'd soon be fixing, but she still didn't understand how Carlisle could just not call Alice. She was his baby sister.

Sighing, she shifted her attention from the textbook laid out on the counter in front of her and took a look around the bookstore. The place was a ghost town. Not that she was surprised. Everyone had headed over to the football game. She didn't understand the love of a game where your goal was to pound the shit out of each other just so you can carry a ball one hundred yards and only get six points. Maybe seven if the extra point was good.

"Hey, pretty lady, get to work."

Bella smiled as Edward strolled into the bookstore, stopping on the other side of the counter. She leaned across and pressed her lips against his.

"Mmm, what was that for?" he asked.

"Do I need a reason to kiss my husband?" she countered, raising an eyebrow while biting her bottom lip. It was a look that drove him insane with lust and need, something she'd been doing a lot lately.

"No," he replied huskily. Taking a step backward, he brought his hand up to his chest. It was mostly a reflex action, though Bella worried all the time about him. Was he still having pain? Tightness? Fluttering heartbeats, as he called them? "Have you been busy?"

"You're the only person to come in in at least two hours," Bella grumbled. "But it gives me time to study."

"Not that you need it," Edward teased, leaning against the counter again. "So, I've been doing some thinking about Alice."

Bella's shoulder tensed. She hated that the full weight of his sister's situation sat on his shoulders, but nobody else was going to do anything. "And? What'd you decide?"

"Well, I thought that maybe it might be time for an intervention."

"Hmm, okay."

"You don't think it's a good idea, do you?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't know that it will work. At least, not without having everyone in agreement. Alice needs help, that's clear, but we're just starting to be okay ourselves. I guess, I think it's kind of selfish of everyone else to leave Alice for us to handle."

Edward nodded, but didn't reply.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like a bitch."

"You don't," he insisted. "And I get what you're saying, but I can't just do nothing. She needs help and Jasper can't do it alone."

"No, I know, but I worry about you." Bella paused. "You've been having more episodes this week than you were before."

Edward once more brought his hand up to his chest. "I didn't think you'd noticed."

"I notice everything about you," Bella mumbled, feeling her cheeks turning red.

"Oh." The embarrassment crept into Edward's cheeks, too. "So, what do you think we should do?"

"I think we need to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with everyone, but especially Carlisle. Alice has been keeping shit locked up inside for too long and now, it's tearing her apart. And I worry that she'll hurt herself or . . . or Jasper."

Edward's eyes closed, but he nodded. "Me too. I guess I didn't see how much she was holding inside. Should have made sure she got help, too."

"You were kind of busy recovering from open heart surgery."

"I'm always recovering from open heart surgery," he scoffed.

Bella wasn't sure what to say. He'd had more than his fair share of crap thrown at him and she knew his health was still an issue for him, just as hers was for her.

"I should probably let you get back to work," he said, suddenly. "Text me when you're done and I'll meet you for dinner over at the caf, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," she murmured. "I love you."

Edward smiled and leaned across the counter, kissing her lips once more. "I love you, too."

Bella watched him walk out of the bookstore before turning her attention back to her studies, but the words seemed like nonsense. Alice needed them, but she was just selfish enough not to want to help. Hadn't she and Edward been through enough?

—WH—

Maggie relieved Bella of bookstore duty a few hours later and she gathered her stuff and sent Edward a text, letting him know that she was on her way. His response was immediate. When she arrived at the dining hall, she found him sitting with James, Victoria, Tyler, and Lauren. It had taken a few weeks, but their four new friends seemed to have realized that Bella and Edward weren't fragile. Sure, there were times when they still found themselves being smothered, especially when it was cool and rainy outside, but Bella and Edward had resigned themselves to the fact that they weren't going to the normal, carefree life they'd always wanted. Not yet, anyway.

There were two trays already in front of Edward, causing her to smile. He was always waiting for her, usually with food. He didn't want her waiting in long lines, said her time was important and he wanted to make her life easier. It was important to him, so Bella didn't make it an issue. This was his way of taking care of her.

"Hey, sorry, I'm late." Bella dropped her bag in the floor next to the empty chair and sat next to Edward. She leaned over and kissed him chastely. "Thank you for getting me food. I'm starving."

Edward laughed. "I knew you would be. You rushed through lunch and barely ate anything for breakfast, and coffee doesn't count."

"You two are so cute,' Lauren cooed, turning and glaring at Tyler. "Why can't you be more like him?"

Tyler groaned and glared at Edward. "Thanks, man, for making me look bad."

"Don't blame me because you can't woo your woman." Edward smirked and nudged one of the trays of food toward her. He knew Bella well, she thought. A baked potato with butter, sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits, a small hamburger steak, green beans, and a cup of mixed fruits, all of which she loved. It was high in fat and calories, but she didn't care. She'd lived through too much to care about little things like that.

"Whatever," Tyler scoffed and turned back to Lauren, who was pretending to be pissed at her husband. Bella knew better, however. She loved the man sitting next to her. He was her everything and she meant the world to him. "Babe, don't be like that. I do sweet shit all the time for you."

"Sweet shit?" Lauren laughed, her southern accent thicker when she was amused. "And what, exactly, was this sweet shit you've done for me?"

"I . . ." Tyler paused for a moment as he thought. His lips curved into a smile. "I cleaned the bathroom yesterday."

"Cleaned the bathroom? Lauren snickered, while everyone else laughed loudly. "Babe, I love you, but wiping the pee that hits the floor because you miss the bowl, isn't exactly cleaning."

Tyler's cheeks turned bright red as he fell back in his seat. James and Victoria were laughing so hard, they were almost crying, and Edward had shifted in his chair so that he was facing Bella, but he, too, was laughing at their friend. Bella and Edward's eyes met, and in a brief second, a heartbeat, they were the only two people in the room.

"Dude," James choked out between peals of laughter. "That's nasty."

"No, shit," Victoria teased, placing her hand on James' back and patting him a few times to keep him from choking. "Not that this one can say anything. He misses half the time, too."

"Vic!" James exclaimed.

"Especially after morning sex," she added, causing Lauren and Tyler to burst out laughing as James blushed crimson. Victoria giggled and shifted her attention to Bella and Edward, smiling wickedly. "Come on, girl, tell me that one isn't as perfect as he seems."

"Um," Bella thought for a minute, but couldn't really think of anything. No, Edward wasn't perfect, but she loved every part of him: the good, the bad, and the ugly. "He drools in his sleep sometimes? I guess I don't really pay that much attention to his bathroom habits."

"Aw," Victoria and Lauren cooed, while James and Tyler rolled their eyes.

"That's disgusting. Edward, bro, you need to start pissing everywhere. Leaving your socks on the floor, something that makes you just as disgusting as us."

Edward chuckled, softly. "Sorry, no can do. My momma raised me better than that."

James and Tyler continued to pester Edward about being a real man while they finished their dinner and headed back to the dorms. It was nice, not being treated like freaks. Maybe, just maybe, Bella hoped, they wouldn't be the odd man out anymore.

"Goodnight, y'all," Lauren cooed, dragging Tyler down the hallway toward their apartment.

"Don't hurt him," James called out, earning him a smack on the chest from Victoria. "Honey, you injured me."

"You'll survive," she teased, but turned and faced their apartment door. She unlocked it and pushed it open. Grabbing him by the back of his shirt, she tossed him into their apartment. The wicked look in her eyes as she followed made it clear that James was going to be a happy man in the morning. Strangely enough, it didn't bother Bella that they were open about their sex lives. That's what friends were supposed to do, right?

Bella followed Edward into their apartment, dropping her backpack on the floor next to the door. Raising her arms over her head, she stretched, the bottom of her shift lifting up her stomach. Edward was immediately wrapped around her, his face nestled into the crook of her neck.

"You're being extremely affectionate tonight, Mr. Cullen," Bella murmured.

"Am I usually an asshole?" he asked, leaning back and cocking an eyebrow.

"No," she admitted. "What's on your mind? I can tell you're thinking about something."

Edward sighed. "I talked to Carlisle today."

"About Alice?"

He shook his head. "Figured that was a conversation we needed to have in person. Told him that we needed to talk to him, Esme, Emmet, and Rose. He said they'd meet us here tomorrow. I'm just kind of nervous."

Bella bit the inside of her lip. "Me, too, but we need to do this, right? For Alice and Jasper's sake."

"I just wish it didn't feel like I was betraying Pix by going behind her back like this."

"She'll forgive you," Bella lied.

"No, she won't, but I can't sit around and watch her kill herself, either."

Bella agreed, but knew the journey wasn't going to be easy. Not for them, and not for Alice.


	8. Chapter 8

8

"Babe, we gotta go," Edward hollered toward his wife as he stood next to the front door. They were supposed to be meeting Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose for dinner across town in twenty minutes, and it would take them at least that long to make their way through traffic. Especially on a Friday night. Edward wasn't looking forward this this meeting, however. He knew they had to confront everyone about their neglect of Alice, but he hated confrontation. Just the thought of it had his chest tightening and his hand lifted his chest out of reflex.

"Another episode?" Bella asked, and when Edward looked toward their bedroom, he found her standing in the doorway with her leather jacket draped over her arm. They'd found it at the same thrift store she had found her sweater. "That's what? Three today?"

"It's nothing," Edward lied. He didn't want it to be anything and hoped that it was just the stress of their upcoming dinner getting the best of him. "We're gonna be late."

"Not like they've never left us waiting." Bella pulled her jacket on and grabbed her purse off the back of the couch before stopping in front of Edward. She placed her hands on his chest, right over the scar that ran in the middle of his chest. "If you really don't think these episodes are anything to worry about, I'll let it go, but I'm concerned. You're having them more often, even when you're sleeping."

"I am?" he cringed, not realizing that he'd been waking her.

She nodded. "Just a couple, but I've noticed."

"If they keep up after tonight, I'll go see Dr. Davis."

"Thank you," she whimpered. "I know you think I'm silly."

"I don't." And he didn't. Edward understood her concerns, her fears. He had them all the time, but he was tired of always being the weak one in their relationship. "I think you're pretty amazing."

"Yeah, well, you're biased."

Edward laughed and opened the door for her. "Doesn't make me wrong."

Bella simply smiled as she led him down the hallway and out of their dorm. Carlisle had suggested meeting at their small apartment for dinner, but neither Bella nor Edward wanted that to happen. For one, their apartment wasn't very big. Secondly, their place was a dump and they didn't really want Emmett to know that there was chipped paint on the walls, ratty furniture, or a funky smell they couldn't quite find. He already made it clear that he didn't think they were ready to be on their own; they didn't need him judging their apartment. And finally, they needed to meet on neutral ground. Neither of them had ever had an 'intervention' with their siblings. There hadn't been a reason to before, but Alice needed help and Edward and Bella just weren't strong enough to do it alone.

"It's cold out here," Bella said, sliding her hand through Edward's arm as they walked to the car. "Think it might snow."

"Yeah?" he asked. "I always liked snow. Of course, I never really got to play in it."

"Your mom?"

Edward smiled and nodded as he unlocked the passenger door for her. "It was important to keep my bodily temperature as close to normal as possible. The patches worked longer that way, but I always wanted to be in the middle of a snowball fight, or build a snow man."

"Then, let's hope it snows six feet and they have to cancel class! We'll spend all day outside in the snow!" Bella laughed. "And all night keeping each other warm."

"Promise?" he asked, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her flush against his body.

"With everything I am."

—WH—

Thirty minutes and dozens of red lights later, Bella and Edward finally arrived at the restaurant—a charming little pizza joint that reminded Edward of the places in Chicago. The urge to clutch his chest filled him, but he knew Bella was already worried. He didn't want to add fuel to the fire, so he resisted.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose were already seated at a large, circular table in the back with Jasper and Alice, who they hadn't expected to be there. Edward and Bella shared a look; this wasn't how they wanted to handle Alice. A part of Edward said to wait, to try another day, but there was a dangerous look in her eyes that told Edward they didn't have another day. She was tittering on the edge of madness and he had to save her — since nobody else was.

"Butterbean!" Emmett roared, rushing around the table and swooping his baby sister into his arms.

"Ugh, Em, you're crushing me," Bella laughed, but she returned the hug. Being away from her brother and sister had been harder than she wanted to admit. Edward had seen the look in her eyes every time they'd talk.

"Sorry," he snickered, but placed her back on her feet. "You're too thin. Ain't you been eating?"

"Yes, I have, and did you just use the word 'ain't?' You're a teacher. An English teacher at that."

"Not tonight. I'm just boring old Emmett Swan tonight."

"Oh, okay." Bella laughed and turned to Esme, who was patiently waiting for her chance for a hug.

A hand came to rest on Edward's shoulder and he smiled as he turned and faced his brother. Carlisle had changed a lot in the five weeks since they'd left Forks. His face was fuller, he shaved more often, and he looked happy. All of these made it harder for Edward to lay into him about neglecting Alice.

"Hey, you look good," Carlisle said, bringing his other hand up to Edward's face. "You feel okay?"

"Never better." Edward wasn't sure he was lying. He did feel good, but the tightness in his chest had him scared. He wasn't sure he could handle anymore surgeries. "We should sit before people think we're a bunch of fruitcakes."

Carlisle laughed, and a few minutes later, they were seated around the table. Edward and Bella were seated next to each other with Carlisle to Edward's left and Emmett to Bella's right. Rose, Esme, Jasper, and Alice filled in the rest of the table. Their server came by and wrote down their drink order and while she was there, they ordered a couple extra-large pizzas — one with pepperoni and one with sausage — then a large supreme for Rose, Esme, and Bella.

Once they had their drinks, everyone's attention shifted to Edward and Bella—everyone's but Jasper and Alice. They knew the reason they hadn't been invited to dinner. Edward could see the truth in their eyes. Where Jasper appeared relieved, Alice wasn't pleased. She wouldn't make this easy, not that there was any way she could.

"So, tell us about college life?" Emmett asked, his eagerness not unnoticed. "Been to any keggers?"

"No?" Bella scoffed. "What makes you think we'd go to one?"

He shrugged and leaned back I his chair, draping his arm around Rose's arm. "It's what you're supposed to do when you go to college, isn't it?"

"I guess." Bella shifted in her chair. "We really haven't had much time. We're either working or studying."

"Yeah," Alice said, drawing the attention to her. "And conspiring behind my back, right?"

"Pix," Edward muttered when everyone looked from her to him and back. "That's not what this is."

"Bullshit, Edward," she spat, placing one of her hands on the table. There was orange paint between her fingers and under her nails. "You think I don't know that he told you? He can't keep anything from me and neither can you."

"What are you talking about, Pix?" Carlisle asked before turning to Edward. "Tell you about what?"

Edward sighed.

"Go ahead, Edward, tell him. You know you want to," Alice snarled. "Or maybe you're waiting for _her_ to do it."

"This isn't about Bella," Edward groused, placing his hand on top of Bella's. "We're just worried about you, Pix."

Alice threw her head back and laughed. "Worried about me? That's hilarious. You haven't been worried about me in years. Everything's always about you and Bella. You and her. What if she gets sick? What if your heart fails? Edward and Bella! Nobody thought about Alice. I suffered through months of hell, too, but it never compared to what you went through."

"That's not true," Bella insisted.

"Oh, don't you tell me what's true or not, you stupid little bitch!" Alice nearly screamed, drawing the attention of everyone in the diner.

"Pix, calm down," Carlisle ordered and stood up.

"Is everything okay here?" their waitress asked, looking around at everyone. "We can't have you yelling and screaming obscenities."

"We're sorry," Carlisle insisted. "We'll keep it down."

"Okay."

Edward knew she wasn't convinced as she turned and walked away.

"What the hell is going on here?" Carlisle hissed, drawing everyone's attention to him, everyone but Alice, who was glaring at Edward like all of this had been his fault.

Esme and Rose looked scared, while Emmett appeared confused, or nervous. Maybe it's because they'd never seen this side of Alice. Normally, she was quiet and shy, demure almost. But at the moment she was almost feral.

"You have to tell them," Bella whispered, leaning toward Edward.

"Tell us what?" Esme asked. "What is going on?"

Edward sighed and leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. "Pix needs help."

"Help with what?" Carlisle asked, looking from him to their younger sister.

"Tell him, Pix," Edward said. "Tell him about the nightmares, about how you don't eat, about how you're skipping class all the time because you're too afraid to leave your apartment."

Alice pressed her lips together, her nostrils flaring in anger, but she never said a word.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Edward shifted his attention to Carlisle. "And how about how you haven't made any effort to check on her?"

"Me?" Carlisle's eyes widened. "What'd I do?"

"It's more of what you didn't do," Bella said, looking from him to Esme, Emmett, and Rose. "Ever since Edward and I left, you've called non-stop. How's class, did we find a job, are we taking our meds. When was the last time you called and checked on Alice and Jasper?"

"Yesterday," Esme said.

"And before then?" Jasper asked. He had his hand on the back of Alice's neck. "It's been a month since we last heard from you."

"No, it hasn't," Emmett denied, but the look on his face told Edward that he wasn't as confident. "Has it?"

Jasper nodded. "I've left messages, texted each of you to call, practically begged, but nothing. Edward and Bella were the only ones who tried to stay in touch with us."

"I . . ." Carlisle stammered and shook his head. "I called you, Pix. Didn't I?"

Alice shook her head. "Not in five weeks, three days, and sixteen hours, Car. Not one damn time. Bet you can't say the same about Edward, though."

"No, no, I must have called you," Carlisle muttered, dragging his phone out of his pocket. "I remember the conversation. We talked about school and you were telling me about that coffee shop around the corner from your apartment."

"That was the day after we left, Car!" Alice cried, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. "You said I'd have to take you there when you came to visit, but you never came. Never!"

"I . . . I . . ." Carlisle dragged his hand through his hair, tugging at the ends. "I'm sorry, Pix. I . . . I thought I'd called."

"Yeah, well, you didn't," she quipped. "Nobody did because we're not important."

"That's not true," Rose insisted, reaching across the table for Jasper, who gave his sister his hand. "I'm sorry, Jas. I never meant to ignore your calls. I've been working extra shifts because we're short staffed in the E.R. Not that that's an excuse. I'm sorry."

"We needed you," Jasper whimpered, his lips trembling. "We've tried to be strong, but . . . but we can't do this by ourselves. Alice needs more than just me."

Alice frowned. "Have I really been that bad?"

"Today's the first day in a week that you've left our apartment. You haven't slept in almost three days and the last time you did sleep, you woke up screaming so loud our landlady came up to check on us." Jasper paused and looked at Edward before saying, "You're painting the fire again."

Alice inhaled a sharp breath as she tensed.

"Pix?" Edward asked.

"I . . . I can't stop thinking about it. It's . . . it's consuming me."

"You can't let it," Edward said, reaching for her, but pulling back when she flinched. "I think you need to talk to someone."

"Like a shrink?" she whimpered. "You think I need therapy?"

"I think you can't keep living like this. Mom and Dad wouldn't want you to."

"Mom and Dad are dead, Edward," Alice snarled as she threw her chair back and stood up. "Dead because of you and your stupid, broken heart!"

Edward fell back in his chair as everyone around them gasped. A look of remorse filled Alice's eyes, but instead of apologizing, she turned and ran out of the restaurant. Jasper didn't say anything as he followed. Edward sat stunned. Never in the years since their parents died, since his mother's heart was placed in his chest, had his sister placed the blame on his shoulders. Until now.

"She didn't mean it," Carlisle said, ending the silence that had enveloped them.

"Maybe not," Edward murmured, trying to keep from sobbing in front of everyone. "But she's not wrong."

"Edward —"

Pushing his chair from the table, Edward stopped whatever lame advice his brother was about to give. "It doesn't matter, Car. Pix needs help. Get off your ass and help take care of her or the next time we meet, it'll be at her funeral."

And taking Bella's hand in his, Edward led his wife out of the pizza joint, out into the cold. His heart ached, tears burned his eyes, and his soul had been torn apart. As they drove back to their apartment in silence, snow began to fall from the heavens.


	9. Chapter 9

9

Bella watched as Edward went through the motions of living. Alice's words three days ago had cut him deep, left wounds that even Bella couldn't heal. Edward had carried the guilt of their mother's death, of their parents' death, for years, and Alice's outburst had done nothing but confirm that, to him at least, he was responsible. And no amount of assurance from Bella would take that hurt away. And boy had she tried.

Sighing, Bella closed her text book, drawing Edward's attention to her. They'd been in the library for hours, but neither of them were really studying. Their focus was on their family, as it always seemed to be. Though Edward would deny it, he worried about Alice, about her falling apart, about losing her to her anger and despair.

"Maybe we should call them. Check in or whatever."

"No," Edward said, his jaw clenching and he looked back down at his history text book.

"But—"

"No," he said, again and his hand coming up to his chest once again.

Bella clamped her lips together and didn't say anything else, knowing that it would just upset him and that would make his chest hurt more. Everything made his chest hurt more, but he refused to call the doctor, refused to admit that he needed help. So, instead of nagging him, she pulled her phone from her bag and checked the time, checked her Facebook account, twitter, Tumbler, and anything else she could think of to pass the time while Edward pretended to study while avoiding the issue. The one thing she didn't do, though, was call Alice and ream her about being a bitch toward her brother.

"Anything exciting going on?" Edward asked, and when she looked up, she saw him watching her with a smile. "Don't tell me: Emmett's sharing more recipes."

"No . . . Well, yes," she laughed. "He's really going overboard with those, isn't he?"

Edward snorted. "He shared one yesterday for gluten free, sugar free, carb free ice cream. In what world does that even sound good?"

"Bizzarro world," Bella scoffed and placed her phone back in her bag.

"No shit," Edward scoffed and turned back to his book. "I'm not getting any work done here. Let's go home and watch a movie."

Bella bit the inside of her lip as she nodded, knowing that if she pressed for him to talk to him they'd just end up fighting. And they rarely fought, but Edward didn't like being weak and his sister's words had made him feel useless. So, she did the only thing she could think of: she kept her fears bottled up inside and let him lead the way. Edward was her everything and she couldn't lose him.

When they walked out of the library, Bella grumbled. The weather had toyed with them over the last three days. Snow that melted before they could enjoy it, rain that never seemed to end, and just enough of a chill that she felt cold. Edward wrapped his arm around her waist as they trekked across campus to their form.

However, when they walked into the building, they stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Jasper seated on the small, danky couch just inside the lobby. He shifted his attention from the floor to them and Bella knew that something bad had happened — something very bad.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked, his arm tightening around her. "Where's Pix?"

Jasper stood and placed his hands on his hips, reminding Bella of the way his father would stand when scolding them for breaking a rule. "I don't know."

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

"Alice took off last night."

"What? Why? Where'd she go?" Edward demanded.

"Don't you think if I knew the what, why, and where I'd be with her instead of sitting here waiting for you?" Jasper dug a piece of paper out of his back pocket and held it out to Edward, who took it immediately. "Came home from the shop around eleven and found this on the fridge. I tried calling, but she left her phone in the apartment."

"What's it say?" Bella asked as Edward unfolded it.

"Jasper—Don't bother looking for me. You won't find me. I won't be responsible for your misery, too. I love you, but you deserve more than me. Tell my brothers I'm sorry I was ever born. Life would have been easier without me. Always yours, Alice." Edward let the paper slip from his hand as he stumbled backward. "Jesus fucking Christ."

"I tried to get a hold of Carlisle," Jasper said, picking up the note. "But the call when straight to his voice mail and he hasn't called me back. Police say there is nothing they can do since she left on her own. I . . . I don't know what to do."

"So you came to me," Edward said, causing Jasper to look up at him. "You thought I'd be able to help, right? That I'd have some great insight into where my sister would go, what she's thinking? Sorry to disappoint, but I don't know."

"I guess so," Jasper muttered. "Guess I was wrong to come here."

Jasper shoved the note into his back pocket and started toward the door, which Edward moved out from in front of, but Bella put her hand up to stop Jasper.

"Stop, both of you just stop!" Bella turned to Edward. "I know you're upset, you're hurt because of what she said, but Alice needs our help."

"She doesn't need me," Edward argued. "I'm the one that hurt her, remember? My stupid, broken heart caused the accident that killed our parents, that burned her. Me and my wasted life."

Bella stumbled backward, shocked by the amount of venom in his words. "Wow. Never thought I'd see the day when you'd throw yourself such a pity party." When he started to defend himself, she held her hand up, stopping him. "I get that she hurt your feelings. It was bitchy, mean, and uncalled for attack. And when we find her, you two need to sit down and hash out your shit because you've spent your life trying to stay alive, trying not to be the burden on your family. It sucks that your heart isn't healthy, that you've had to suffer through more than most people will in their lifetime, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to you any good. Now, Alice needs us and it's clear that we're the only ones who can help her. Your brother, my sister and brother, Rose — none of them seem to get it, so stop this shit now."

Edward looked ashamed of himself as he took a step forward and nodded.

Bella turned to Jasper, holding her hand out to him. "Come on. We'll help you find her."

"I don't know where to even start looking," Jasper said as he followed them down the hallway to their apartment.

Bella unlocked the door and gestured for him to go on inside, which he did, but when Edward started to follow, she placed her hand on his chest, drawing his attention to her. "I'm sorry if my words hurt you."

"You could never hurt me," he whispered, bringing his hand up to her face. "Thank you for making me see what an ass I was being."

"You're welcome, I guess."

Edward and Bella entered their apartment and found Jasper standing in the middle of their living room. He looked like a little lost puppy. It was the same look that he had on his face after their parents fell, after his mother and father died, after Bella lost her voice. It broke Bella's heart to see him broken again. Alice had been like a breath of fresh air after drowning under a sea of pain and heartache. Jasper had fallen hard, needed her in the same way Bella needed Edward.

"You've got to have some idea where she is," Bella said, drawing his attention to her and Edward. "Somewhere special that the two of you always went."

"I already checked around Forks, around Port Angeles, we never came here and didn't go anywhere else. I just . . . I don't know."

"I do," Edward said, dropping his backpack next to the door. "She went home."

"She's not in Forks," Jasper groused.

"That's not home," Edward quipped. "She went to Chicago, to our parents."

"What makes you so sure?" Jasper asked.

"Because it's what she always does when she's overwhelmed and feels herself cracking. It's why she paints the accident. She needs to feel close to them, close to . . . close to home, to when she felt loved and safe. That's where she's going."

"Okay, but how would she get there? I called all the airlines but they wouldn't tell me if she had taken a flight or not. She didn't have the money for a ticket, either. And there are no buses out of Port Angeles that head toward Chicago."

"She probably went to Forks and used Carlisle's credit card. He leaves it in his dresser so he won't be tempted to use it. She could have waited until he left for his shift and the house was empty and then went in to use it. Booked her flight and came to Seattle."

"When was the flight out of here to Chicago?" Bella asked, rushing to her laptop and quickly logging into her account. "How much of a head start could she have?"

"I don't know, but we need to get to Chicago," Jasper insisted. "But how? I don't have that kind of money."

"Yeah, neither do we," Bella murmured, biting the inside of her lip. She shifted her eyes to Edward and sighed. "I'll call Phil. He'll help."

Neither Edward nor Jasper said anything while Bella made the call to Phil, but when his voicemail picked up, she hung up without leaving a message. Frustrated, she rushed into the bedroom and dug her father's old duffle bag out of the closet. She grabbed a handful of her and Edward's shirts, a few pairs of pants, some socks, and underwear for the two of them and shoved them inside the bag. Then, going into the kitchen, she grabbed all of their medication and added it to the bag before zipping it and carrying it into the living room.

"Come on. We'll go straight to his office."

"What makes you think Phil will give us the money?" Edward asked, relieving her of the bag.

"Blind hope," Bella replied, sadly. "I don't know, but he's the only person we have right now. Our family — well, they've failed us one too many times, so let's not bother them again."

—WH—

When they arrived at Phil's office, they found his waiting room filled with patients. His receptionist, Jane, smiled at the three, and waved them through to his office, knowing they wouldn't have shown up without an appointment if it hadn't been important. Bella felt horrible for asking Phil for money, but Alice was family and she's already lost too many members of her family.

They didn't have to wait more than a few minutes when the door to his office was thrown open and Phil rushed inside.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked, frantic as he shifted his attention from her, to Edward, and then to Jasper.

"We're fine," Bella insisted. "It's Alice, actually."

"Alice?" he questioned. "What about Alice?"

Bella released a deep breath as she stood and faced him. "She's . . . Well, she's kind of in the middle of a meltdown and took off. Edward thinks she's returned to Chicago because that's where their parents are buried, and . . . and Well, we don't have the money for plane tickets, so . . ."

"So, you came to me," he said, quietly.

"Yeah," she murmured. "We wouldn't have, but . . . Well, she's important to us."

"No, of course." Phil dug his wallet out of the back pocket of his dress pants and slipped out a black, shiny credit card. The kind you only read about in books about wealthy men who seduce young, naïve girls. In addition to the card, he handed her at least three hundred dollars in cash. "Just in case."

"I . . ." Bella wanted to refuse the cash, but knew they'd need it. Closing the distance between them, she wrapped him in a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Phil kissed the top of her head while returning the embrace. "Your father would have given you everything he had for her."

He would have, Bella thought. Charlie was a good man like that, just like Phil was. Maybe that's why they'd always been such good friends, and why Phil loved her father so much. Sighing, Bella leaned away from him. Phil had been cheated by love, but he never complained.

"We need to hurry, but thanks again."

"Be safe, Bella. Let me know if you find her, okay?"

After promising to keep him in the loop, Bella, Edward, and Jasper rushed out of his office, to the elevator, and back to the car. Their ride to the airport was tense and awkward. Bella considered trying to call her sister, or even Emmett, but in the end decided not to. They had made it clear that Alice wasn't as important to them as she and Edward, which only angered Bella. How dare they put so much importance on them and leave Alice in the cold.

Alice needed them now more than ever, and Bella wasn't going to be one more person letting her down.


	10. Chapter 10

10

"Oh, come on!" Edward muttered under his breath, tapping the plane ticket he was holding against the palm of his hand. "What's taking so fucking long?"

"They'll let us board soon," Bella told him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

Edward knew she was right, but he was terrified that they'd be too late. After leaving Phil's office, they'd managed to buy three one-way tickets for direct flight from Seattle to Chicago, which was due to start boarding any minute. AT least he hoped it would. The flight was scheduled to depart in fifteen minutes.

Edward would be the first to admit that he hadn't expected Phil to help them so quickly. He assumed that they'd have to beg and plead for his help, but he'd passed over his credit card and cash without question. He cared about Bella, and in return, those she loved. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed against the emotions welling up inside him. Phil counted him and Alice as part of his family.

"You need to calm down," Bella said, sliding her hand down his arm so that it rested on top of his.

Edward sighed. "I should have done more for her. Should have called her more often, gone to Port Angeles to see here. Something, anything."

"You did everything you could," she said. "You can't take care of everyone, Edward. You have to take care of yourself first."

Edward frowned. "But she needed me and I wasn't there."

"Because you were taking care of your needs," Bella argued. "And mine. If you're to blame for Alice's breakdown, then so I am."

"No, you're not," Jasper said, drawing their attention to him. He was seating across the aisle from them, his body tense and ridged. "Neither of you are to blame for what Alice is going through. I should have told you sooner, I guess, or gone to Carlisle directly and demanded that he help her. I just didn't want to see how much she was struggling, I guess."

"None of us were there for Alice the way we should have," Bella argued. "And sitting here wallowing isn't going to help, so we need to stop. We are going to get to her and we're going to stop her from doing something stupid."

"And if we don't?" Jasper asked, his voice cracking. "I just found her, B. I can't . . . I can't . . . You know how hard it was for me to let her in, to love her."

Bella sighed as she stood up and moved so that she was sitting next to Jasper, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into her arms. There had been a time when her friendship with him grated on Edward's nerves, when he hated the man who loved his sister, but Jasper was his friend, his brother now, and he hated watching him struggle. Just one more way he and Bella had failed their families.

Edward's phone started ringing, which startled him. Digging it out of his pocket, rage filled him when he saw his brother's name and number flashing across the screen. He'd called and left over half a dozen messages, but Carlisle had only just called him back. A part of him considered letting it ring, but he couldn't so he slid his finger across the green arrow.

"Where the hell have you been, Car?" Edward snarled without a proper greeting.

"Um, at work?" Carlisle said, making it sound like a question. "Why? What's so important that you've had to harass me all day?"

"Harass you?" Edward scoffed, causing both Jasper and Bella to gasp. "Sorry, Car, thought you'd like to know that Pix ran off last night."

"She what?" His voice was soft and vulnerable. "Where is she?"

"Why do you care?" Edward asked. "I told you three days ago that she was losing it. You saw for yourself how fucked she is right now, but as usual, Carlisle's only worried about himself."

"That's not true!"

"Bullshit," Edward spat, wincing when he felt his chest tightened. His hand automatically came up to his chest, which had Bella rushing to his side immediately. He stopped her from grabbing the phone from him. "Pix needed you, Car, and where were you?"

"I . . . I was at work," he stammered. "Do you know where she's at?"

"I have an idea," he quipped. "You better hope we get to her first."

"First? You think she'd . . . she'd harm herself?"

Edward couldn't believe Carlisle was actually asking him that. What'd he think she would do? There was only so much heartache and turmoil a person could take without it being too much, before they cracked, and found themselves swimming in a sea of heartache and failure.

"Are you really that blind, Car? Do you just not see what she's doing to herself? All the nights when she refuses to sleep, when she refuses to eat, when she locks herself up in her room and paints her memories on the walls? How can you not see how much she needs you?"

"I do," he blubbered. "Tell me where she is and I'll go to her."

"Don't bother," Edward scoffed just as the flight attendant said, "Flight 2344 to Chicago is now boarding group one."

"Are you at the airport?" Carlisle asked. "You think she's going to Mom and Dad?"

"Where else would she go? She has to tell them goodbye. If we stop her, if we keep her from . . . from killing herself, do better, Car. Just do better."

"Edward —"

But Edward didn't care what else he had to say. His only concern right now was getting to his sister. Alice needed him, and dammit, he'd be there.

—WH—

Four and a half hours later, their flight landed in Chicago. As soon as the doors opened, Edward, Bella, and Jasper were off in search of a cab. They found about a dozen of them outside of the terminal, the three of them squeezing into the backseat.

"Where to?" the cabby asked, his mid-eastern accent thick.

"5800 N. Ravenswood Ave," Edward rattled off, his hand coming up to his chest once again. "And hurry."

"Yeah, yeah," the driver mumbled, but turned on the meter and pulled out into traffic.

"Do you think we're too late?" Jasper asked.

"No," Edward lied. He had no idea, of course. Alice had a solid fourteen hour head start. There was no guarantee that they'd even find her, much less stop her from doing anything. "No, we . . . we'll get there in time."

"I hope so," Bella whispered, looping her arm in with Edward's and leaning her head on his shoulder.

Half an hour later, the cabby pulled up in front of Rosehill Cemetery. They paid him and climbed out. The cemetery was quite large and had been established sometime during the 1800s.

"Wait for us," Bella said, turning her attention to the driver. "Please."

"Sure thing, no problem," he promised, but the minute the door to the cab was closed, he sped off.

"Son-of-a-bitch," Bella snarled, turning to Edward. "What an asshole."

"Welcome to Chicago," he scoffed and led the way through the cemetery, the cool, Chicago air whipping around them.

The closer they got to where his parents had been laid to rest, the more his chest hurt. He'd only been there once, a few months after his parents died. He'd just been released from the hospital after receiving his mother's heart and Carlisle had promised to bring him to say goodbye. Not that he had. He hadn't even been able to get out of the car, but the image of his parents' graves haunted him for weeks. Hell, for years.

They were two rows away when Edward spotted her laying between their parents graves, her body curled into a tight ball.

"Pix!" he yelled and started running toward her.

She didn't respond.

"Alice," Jasper screamed, pushing past Edward. He got to Alice first, dropping onto his knees. He grabbed her by the shoulders and rolled her onto her back. She was unconscious and pale — dangerously pale.

"She's fucking freezing," he muttered, yanking his jacket off and laying it on top of Alice.

"Does she have a pulse?" Bella cried.

Jasper's fingers slid along the side of her neck, his face contorting into horror. "I can't find one."

"Let me try," Edward said, falling onto his knees next to his sister. He placed his index and middle fingers along the side of her neck and waited. A second later, he felt the slow pounding of her pulse, but it was much slower than it should be. "Got it, but it's faint. Call an ambulance, Bella."

From behind him, he could hear her calling for help, crying and begging the dispatcher to make the ambulance hurry. Alice's face was cold, her tears had dried, but left streaks. Her hands were icy and her lips tinged with blue.

"Pix," he said, trying to wake her. "Pix, come on, wake up."

But she didn't respond.

"Oh, my God, we were too late, weren't we?" Bella sobbed.

In the distance they heard sirens that belonged to the ambulance and Bella did her best to direct them on where to find them. Moments later, they rolled to a stop next to them and two paramedics jumped out, rushing over to them.

"What happened?" the first one asked.

"We found her like this," Edward said, moving so they could access her condition. "Her pulse is weak."

"Yeah, I see that," he said. "She take anything? Prescription? Illegal?"

"We don't know," Jasper said. "She doesn't take anything regularly, but . . . We just found her like this."

"Okay, let's get her loaded and to the hospital," the second paramedic said.

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella and held her as they watched the paramedics loading Alice onto a stretcher, placing a warm blanket on her, and sliding her into the back of the ambulance. "What hospital are you taking her to?"

"Mercy Hospital."

Edward blew out a deep breath as they watched the ambulance drive away, leaving them stranded. "You know what's Ironic?"

"What?" Bella asked, shifting her attention up to him.

"Mercy is where our parents died," he said, quietly. "Where I got my mother's heart, where our lives changed."

"Let's hope they don't change like that again," she murmured.

Edward nodded and looked back at his parent's gravestones before following her and Jasper to the opening of the cemetery. They had to wait twenty minutes for a cab and by the time they arrived at Mercy Hospital, Alice had already been taken into the emergency room and was in one of the trauma rooms. She hadn't regained consciousness, but they'd managed to bring her body temperature up a few degrees.

"I should call Carlisle," Edward said, but made no effort to actually make the call. Instead, he leaned against the wall inside Alice's room, watching as Jasper wrapped his hands around hers, kissing her knuckles, begging her not to give up.

"I'll call," Bella offered and slipped out of the room before Edward could argue with her.

"She's got to be okay," Jasper murmured. "She has to be, right?"

"I don't . . . I don't know," Edward admitted and when Jasper shifted his attention to him, he said, "Pix . . . Alice always wore her emotions on her sleeve, you know? When we were little, she cried easier. She wasn't very good at hiding how she felt, but then she was in the accident and she changed. I don't know if it was the burns or watching our parents die, or what, but she changed."

"And you didn't?" Jasper scoffed.

"No, I did," Edward confessed. "We all did, but Pix most of all. She was a daddy's girl, I guess. All she had to do was bat her eyes at him and he'd buy her anything she wanted. God, I hated how she manipulated him."

"When we got home the other night, I expected her to lash out at me for talking to you about her, about telling her secrets, but she wasn't mad. She didn't say a word to me, in fact. She locked herself up in her studio and painted you everywhere."

"Me?"

Jasper nodded. "She worried all the time about you, about Bella, about you and Bella together. I think a part of her is jealous that you two have a seemingly easy relationship and she struggles to let me hold her hand."

"Easy?" Edward scoffed. "Our relationship isn't easy."

"Yeah, it is," Jasper argued. "Your lives are hard, but your love is easy. Alice and I . . . we struggle from one day to the next."

Edward wasn't sure what to say, and luckily, Bella walked back into Alice's room and saved him from having to defend their relationship. It bothered him that Jasper thought their love was easy, but was he right?

"I couldn't get through to anyone," Bella told them. "I left messages, but who knows when or if they'll get them."

"Thanks," Edward murmured, wrapping his arm around her.

Suddenly, Alice's body began to flair, her arms and legs thrusting in every direction. Jasper tried to hold her down, but just as quick as it started, it was finished. Then, Alice's upper body lurched off the bed, she screamed, and when she fell back against the bed, an alarm started blaring and Alice's heart stopped.


	11. Chapter 11

11

"No. No! NO!"

Bella's eyes filled with tears as Jasper grabbed Alice by the shoulders and shook her, screaming "NO" over and over. Watching her laying unresponsive on the bed, the alarm blaring as the flat line showed on the monitor, was heartbreaking.

"Out, everyone out!" the emergency room doctor yelled as he rushed into the room with several nurses following. Jasper and Edward refused to move, however, so one of the nurses grabbed their arms and literally dragged them out of the room.

"Sorry," she said, before walking back inside.

The moment the door to Alice's room closed, Edward crumbled to his knees, his hands clutching his chest, and his mouth parting in a frustrated scream. "Why? Fucking why?"

"She'll be okay," Bella cried, kneeling next to him.

She did her best to hold him, to soothe away the hurt that was filling his heart, but she knew her words were hollow. There were no guarantees that Alice would be okay, that she'd live again. She'd given up, let her pain and anger get the better of her, and made the decision they'd all considered at one point or another.

"She has to be. I need her too fucking much for her to leave me now," Jasper murmured.

When Bella looked at him, she saw him clutching onto the doorframe, almost like he was keeping the walls up, instead of the walls keeping him up. She wanted to help him, too, but there was only so much she could do. She needed help.

"Edward?"

Bella shifted her attention behind them to an older man with long, black hair that had been pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. His eyes were wide as he stared at the two of them kneeling on the floor.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"Dr. Cameron?" Edward muttered, scrambling to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

"I was called in to consult on a case of HLHS. What are you doing here? I thought you, Carlisle, and Alice moved out West."

"We did," he said, quietly, but his eyes shifted toward the doorway to Alice's hospital room. "But . . . Alice . . . I . . ."

"Alice is here?" Dr. Cameron questioned, taking a step toward Edward. "What happened?"

Edward brought his hand up to his chest. "I don't know."

"Are you in pain?"

"What?" Edward asked, and when Dr. Cameron gestured toward Edward's chest. "No, I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Bella argued, and when Edward glared at her, she released her hold on his arm. "You've been having episodes for months. I know you're worried about Alice. I am, too, but you're not going to be much help for her if you don't take care of yourself."

And without giving Edward a chance to stop her, Bella turned and faced Dr. Cameron. "He had his mitral valve replaced a couple years ago and ever since, he's been experiencing episodes of tightness in his chest. They used to just be every once in a while, but lately, say over the past two months, they've been coming on more and more. Several times a day at this point."

Dr. Cameron smiled. "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

"Oh," she said, softly and feeling her cheeks warm. "I'm Bella, Edward's wife."

"Wife?" Dr. Cameron's grin widened. "I hadn't heard that you'd gotten married, Edward. Congratulations."

"Thanks," he murmured.

"It's lovely to meet you, my dear. I'm Jared Cameron. I've been Edward's doctor since before he was born." Dr. Cameron shook Bella's hand before turning to face Edward, his features turning more serious and alarming. "So, you've been experiencing some tightness? Is it painful? Or just a lot of pressure?"

"It doesn't hurt, exactly, but it's not comfortable, either. There's nothing wrong with me, though. Bella just worries too much."

"I do not!" Bella argued.

"Edward, you should know better than anyone not to let symptoms go unchecked. That's why I referred you to Dr. Davis in Seattle. Have you spoken to him about these episodes?"

"No, because I don't need to," Edward argued. "I'm fine."

"He had a check-up last May and everything looked okay, but, I don't know, I just worry so much about him."

At that moment, the door to Alice's room opened and the emergency room doctor stepped out. Dr. King, as he was introduced to them when they arrived, wore a grim expression that had Bella's heartbreaking and her automatically clutching onto Edward's arm.

"Dr. Cameron," he said, curtly.

"Everett," Dr. Cameron said, nodding. "How's Miss Cullen?"

"We were able to revive her, but her body temperature is still too low. We are going to move her to the ICU and try to bring it up. Her tox screen came back positive for barbiturates, but without knowing exactly what she took, it's hard to know how to treat her."

"Will she be okay?" Jasper asked, drawing attention to him.

"It's too soon to say one way or another." Dr. King frowned. "I'm sorry. I wish I could give you more hope, but the next twelve hours are critical and even then, there's no guarantee that she will ever truly recover."

"She's a fighter," Jasper muttered, shifting so that he was facing the open door to her room. "She'll come back to me. She has to."

"I hope you're right," Dr. King said, quietly. "They should be moving her soon, so if you'd like to wait with her, you can."

Jasper nodded and rushed to Alice's side while Dr. King headed toward the next poor soul who needed his attention. Bella heard the man loud and clear. Even if Alice survived her suicide attempt, there was a chance that she'd never fully recover. Her body — already frail and fragile — had suffered an alarming trauma. Her heart broke and she knew they needed to call their family, keep them updated, but a part of her was furious that they'd turned their backs to her in the first place. Family used to mean something to them, but now, Bella wasn't as sure.

"Edward," Dr. Cameron said, drawing their attention back to him. "Why don't we run a couple tests?"

"I don't need any tests," he argued. "Why won't you listen to me? I know my body and I know when my heart is failing and it's fine. I'm fine."

"I am listening to you, but you are going to be here for a while, so let's be thorough," he insisted. "For Alice's sake."

Edward clenched his jaw tight before he turned to Bella. "Stay with Jasper and Alice."

Bella sighed, feeling out of control and unable to help anyone. Alice, Jasper, Edward — everyone needed her support but she was only one person, one woman. Why did it feel like the world was always ganging up on them?

"Okay," she said, knowing he would insist and she'd already put him in an awkward position. He was angry at her for telling his former doctor about his episodes, but she couldn't continue to sit back and watch as he stressed himself to death, either. "I love you."

Edward's face softened as he brought his hands up to either side of her face. "I love you, too."

Bella stood in the hallway while Dr. Cameron led Edward to the elevator. He was angry with her for putting him in the spotlight, for telling Dr. Cameron the truth, but Bella was done trying to keep everything peaceful and okay. Nothing was okay and the more they tried to deny that everything was good, the harder it would be when they fell. Alice had tried to take her own life, for fuck sake. The time for being nice was over.

As the doors to the elevator closed, Bella's phone started ringing, drawing the disapproving glares of the nurses in her direction.

"Sorry," she mumbled, digging it out of her pocket. Esme was returning her call. Sliding her finger along the green arrow, Bella accepted the call. "What the hell took you so long?"

"Whoa, what? That's not how we greet someone on the phone, Butterbean," Esme chuckled.

"Like I give a fuck," Bella snarled, ignoring the way her sister gasped on the other end. She rarely cussed in front of Esme. "I've called dozens of times. Left numerous messages for you, Em, Rose, Carlisle. Not a one of you called me back."

"Well, I'm calling you back now," Esme said. "Is everything okay? Did you find Alice?"

"Yeah, we found her," Bella groused. "Passed out on her parents' graves. She was barely alive, Esme. You need to get here now."

"What? Is she okay?"

"Is she . . . Did you hear what I said? She was passed out. She tried to kill herself, Esme!"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Esme muttered.

"No shit. I don't understand you, Esme. Any of you. We told you she was hurting, that she was losing her shit, but it's like you didn't hear us or something. Why can't you see anyone other than me and Edward?"

"We do," she insisted.

"Then why didn't you check in on them? You called me every day for the first two weeks after we left, but you never called Alice or Jasper. Not once. Why, Esme? Why?"

"I don't know," she said, quietly. "Is Alice going to be okay?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Bella admitted. "She still hasn't regained consciousness. They doctor says the next twelve hours are critical."

"Okay, we will be there as soon as we can."

"Why bother? It's not like you care."

"That's not true. We love Alice!"

"Really? We told Carlisle that Alice was missing and on her way to Chicago ten hours ago, Esme. Ten fucking hours! You should have already been here." Bella took a deep breath. "You'd better pray that she survives, that she's okay, because if she dies . . . Well, let's just say Edward and I won't be your concern anymore."

And without giving Esme a chance to defend herself, try to convince Bella of her love and support, Bella ended the call. She stuffed her phone into her back pocket and walked into Alice's room, where she settled in the chair next to Jasper.

—WH—

They moved Alice up to the ICU half an hour later, and Dr. King instructed the staff to allow Bella, Jasper, and Edward, when he returned, to stay as long as they needed. Two hours after Alice had been moved, Edward returned with Dr. Cameron, who gestured for Bella to join them in the hallway. She could tell based on the look on Edward's face that he was still angry with her, but she didn't care. He was more important than some hurt feelings.

"How's Alice?" Dr. Cameron asked.

"About the same," Bella replied.

He nodded. "Well, you'll be happy to learn that everything with Edward's heart appears normal."

Bella released a breath of relief. "So what's causing his episodes?"

"Stress," Dr. Cameron said. "I've advised Edward to find a constructive outlet for his stress. Maybe yoga or meditation."

Edward snorted, but didn't say anything.

"Yes, yes, I know that is not your idea of relaxing. You fought me tooth and nail on it when you were a young boy, too."

"I spent enough time inactive. I want to live, Dr. Cameron."

"And you'll live much longer if you learn to let go of all your worries, my boy. Now, I've been in contact with Dr. Davis. He's expecting your phone call when you arrive back in Seattle." Dr. Cameron placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "I know you've been through a lot, Edward. More than anyone should have to, but please, don't make me fly to Seattle and kick your ass. I'll do it. You know I will."

For the first time since they left Seattle in search of Alice, Edward smiled. "Yeah, yeah. I'll try. It's the best I can offer right now. Pix needs me and I won't turn my back on her now."

"Better than nothing, I guess." Dr. Cameron shifted his attention to Bella. "It was a pleasure to meet you. Take care of him. He's special."

"I know," Bella whimpered, unable to keep her tears from falling.

Edward waited until Dr. Cameron left before he pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. Months of worry, weeks of tension, and trying not to say the wrong thing, or push too hard had been lifted off her shoulders. At least when it came to Edward.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I was just so worried."

"I know, baby," he murmured. "To be honest, I was, too, but I'm fine. Right now, we need to focus on Alice and getting her the help she needs."

"You're right." Bella leaned away and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Together, we'll make sure she's okay."

"And Jasper, too."

"And Jasper, too," she echoed, laying her head against Edward's chest. The rest of their family may have turned their back on Alice and Jasper, but Bella and Edward weren't going to. Somehow, they'd help them survive.


	12. Chapter 12

12

The first few hours at Alice's bedside felt like an eternity. Every little noise had Edward, Bella, and Jasper on edge.

Edward worried about Jasper. Losing Alice would crush all of them, but especially him. He didn't like it, but the two of them needed each other much like Bella and he did. Maybe even more. So much of the last couple years had been about him and Bella. His heart and her cancer, their failing bodies, and making sure they had everything they needed. Somewhere along the way Alice and Jasper got forgotten by everyone — Bella and Edward included.

"I need some coffee," Bella said, standing from the chair next to Edward and stretching her arms over her head, groaning. She dropped her arms to her side. "You two want one?"

"No," they mumbled together.

Bella frowned before slipping out of the room. Conversation between the three of them had been non-existent. The nurses had been in and out of the room, checking Alice's vitals, rotating warm blankets, and scowling in their direction. Dr. King had made it clear the three were to be given unlimited access to Alice's room, but the staff made it clear they didn't like it. They "encouraged" them to go eat, to sleep, to make phone calls. Anything that would remove the distraction from their sight. But Edward couldn't bring himself to eat, or sleep, or even try calling his brother again.

Carlisle had more than enough chances to prove that he cared, and every time, he failed. Edward was done trying to keep them together. It was exhausting. Right now, his focus was split between Bella, Jasper, and Alice. Alice's heartrate was slower, not quite ninety. Her blood pressure was normal at one hundred three over seventy, but her bodily temperature was still in the lower nineties and she hadn't twitched as much as a finger. Edward feared they had been too late to save his younger sister.

"I wanted to marry her," Jasper murmured, drawing Edward's attention to him. "I thought about asking her dozens of times since you and Bella got hitched."

"Why didn't you?" Edward asked. "She would have said yes."

Jasper shifted his eyes from Alice to him. "But she wouldn't have been ready. She went from needing you to needing me."

"And that's wrong?"

"No," he admitted. "But Alice never saw how strong she could be. Never saw . . . never saw how beautiful she is. The look in her eyes when she paints. The way she smiles when she thinks nobody is watching. She would have said yes and we would have stood before God and pledged our lives to one another, but she wouldn't have been ready for marriage."

"You really love her, don't you?" Edward asked.

"Was there any doubt? After two years, after being with her through your surgery, Bella's cancer, Charlie, y'all moving on, Carlisle forgetting about us, do you really doubt that I love her?"

"No," Edward said, quietly. "I guess I just never thought about it, to be honest. Pix . . . I didn't think about what leaving Forks would do to her. I'm selfish like that.

"It's not selfish to want to live your life, Edward. Alice—she just gets scared, I guess."

"Of what?"

"Of being forgotten," Jasper murmured. "Of being stuck in the backseat of that car, of never being wanted. She thinks she wasn't wanted, that your mom and dad were stuck with her."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Maybe," He said, shifting his attention to Edward. "But it is how she feels. What do we do now? If she wakes up, if . . . if she's not . . ."

But before Edward could respond, the door to Alice's room slid open. When he looked back, he felt his shoulders tense. Standing a couple feet behind Bella, who looked like she was going to be sick, were Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose. Edward slowly found his footing and stood. There was so much he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure where to start. He looked back at Jasper, who was glaring at the four people in the hallway, and made a decision. The last thing he or Alice needed was the stress involved with dealing with them.

"We'll be right back," Edward muttered, ushering Bella back into the hallway before pulling the sliding glass door closed behind him.

He turned and faced his 'family,' a term he now used lightly. His family never would have neglected one of their own like they had.

"What are you doing here?"

"What? What do you think we're doing here?" Carlisle asked, waving a hand toward Alice's room. "Is she okay?"

"Is she okay?" Edward laughed bitterly. "No, no, she's not okay. She's fucked up, Car. Like I told you she was a week ago, like you would have known had you spent two seconds caring about anyone other than yourself!"

"That's not fair," Carlisle argued.

"Fair?" Bella challenged, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Since when has life been fair to any of us?"

"Butterbean —" Esme started, but Bella put her hand up, stopping her in mid-sentence.

"Don't bother. Nothing you say is going to excuse the fact that you turned your back on her and Jasper."

"Look, we're sorry," she said. "We didn't ignore them on purpose."

"Yeah," Rose agreed. "I guess we just assumed that if they needed us, they would come to us."

"Because they've always been so open and honest about their feelings, right?" Bella shook her head. "We told you a week ago that Alice was fucked up. Edward told you this morning, Carlisle, that Alice had taken off for Chicago, that we were scared she would hurt herself. So why is it that now, ten hours later, you've just gotten here? Do you just not get that she's struggling right now?"

"Of course I do," he mumbled. "I just . . . I didn't know what to do. Nobody gives you a manual and tells you what page the answers are on."

"Nobody was asking you for the answers," Bella quipped. "Just some compassion."

Bella placed her hand on Edward's shoulder before turning, sliding the door to Alice's room open, stepping inside, and closing it once more. Edward sighed and shifted his attention back to his brother, to Esme, Emmett, and Rose.

"Not that you care," he said, "but the doctor isn't sure she'll ever wake up."

"I do care," Carlisle said, grabbing Esme's hand. "We care."

"Sure you do," he scoffed. "You can wait in the waiting room. We'll let you know if anything changes."

"I want to see her," Carlisle exclaimed, taking a step toward him.

"Then you should have taken an hour anytime over the last two months and gone to Port Angeles to see her," Edward snarled. "Two fucking months, Car, and you never once called. Not ever. You can wait in the waiting room, or go back to Forks. Right now, I don't really give a fuck which one you chose."

And with nothing else to say, Edward turned on his heel and left them standing there, looking deflated. Logically he knew he should care, but right now, with his baby sister laying helplessly in the bed with tubes and wires all over her, Edward didn't care about logic. Carlisle had put himself first too many times.

—WH—

Several more hours had passed and Alice still lay unconscious. Bella had ventured out for coffee three more times, but Edward suspected she was mostly trying to keep Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose up to date on Alice's condition. Not that it changed.

Her temperature finally normalized and her heartrate and blood pressure were stable, but she still didn't wake. She still lay there, peacefully asleep. Edward found himself feeling more and more angry as he watched her chest lift and fall with each breath she took. How could she be so stupid? And selfish? Did she really think he'd be better off without her in his life? She was his Pix, his sister. When he was little and too sick to play, she'd watch movies with him, read or paint, she'd talk his ear off about all the gossip going on at school. Edward had no idea who Bethany and Tiffanie were, but they were real bitches.

"Think I'm going to go stretch my legs for a few," Jasper said, ending the silence that had settled around the three of them. He stood up, his hand automatically reaching for Alice's. His hand looked so big compared to hers. "I won't be long."

"I'll go with you," Bella said, sliding her feet off the edge of her chair and standing. She looked down at Edward. "Want anything?"

He shook his head, his eyes burning from exhaustion and his chest aching from tension. Bella nodded and followed Jasper out of the room without a word. Edward stood and pulled his chair closer to Alice's bed. Reaching out, he covered her hand. Her skin was warm and soft. Scars bit into it, though, and led up her arm, beneath the hospital gown she had been changed into.

The door to her room opened and he looked back, unsurprised to see Carlisle step inside. He should have expected him to sneak in the minute Bella and Jasper left. He would want as few people there at possible. Easier to not feel guilty when there is only one person to answer to.

"How is she?" he asked, moving to the opposite side of the bed. He began to reach for her, but seemed to second guess himself as he pulled his hand back. "I never meant for this to happen."

"You never do," Edward said. "It was hard on you when Mom and Dad died, when . . . when you had to choose between me and Mom, but it was hard on us, too."

"I know that."

"Do you?" Edward challenged, shifting his eyes to his brother. "Pix was in the car with them. She was trapped, burned. She's spent her entire life feeling like the extra baggage in the family because you're a fucking genius and I'm the boy with the broken heart."

Edward paused and shook his head. "She begged Mom to go to her art show that night. Begged her. Said she'd painted something special just for her. Mom didn't want to leave me. Never wanted to leave me. Said Dad would go and tell her about it later, but Pix refused to take no for an answer. Dr. Cameron said he'd watch over me for a few hours, that Pix needed some time with them, too."

"I know," Carlisle said, quietly. "Dr. Cameron told me."

"Did he tell you how Mom cried and made me promise to hold on until she got back? Said I was her strong little boy. But I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough and they paid the price for it. Including Pix."

"I should have been there," Carlisle said, quietly. "Mom asked me to come stay with you, said Pix had a show, but she wanted me to come stay with you that night. I told her I couldn't because I had to work a double, but that's not true. It was the first night off I'd had in three weeks and, damn it, I didn't want to be cooped up in the hospital all night."

"Neither did I," Edward scoffed.

"I didn't mean it like that," Carlisle muttered. "It wasn't about you."

"Sure it was, everything always was. Can't make any plans in case a heart comes available, or I was too weak to enjoy a day in the park. I might get sick and then I'd die. It was always about how I would die. But I didn't die. Mom and Dad did and Pix was burned and you forgot about her."

"No, I didn't," he said. "I just . . . I just didn't think she needed me. Guess I took advantage of the thought that if she needed me, she'd call."

"And when I told you she needed you?" Edward asked. "A week, Car. A fucking week and you still didn't reach out to her."

"I did, though. I went by her apartment, but she didn't answer the door."

"Why didn't you call? Or text her? Or call and text Jasper?"

"I don't know," he snarled. "I don't know, Edward. I don't fucking know!"

"That's not good enough!" Edward snapped, scrambling to his feet. "She fucking needed you and you weren't there. And then when I told you that she was here in Chicago, you didn't come. You never come when she needs you!"

"I was trying to find the money for a flight out," he said, gritting his teeth together. "She'd taken my credit card and I only had a couple hundred bucks in the bank. Esme doesn't get paid until next week, Emmett and Rose are tapped out, too. I ended up having to take out a title loan on my car to get enough cash for the tickets, Edward. You think I could just hop on a plane? I can't!"

"I did," Edward said. "I was here within hours of her leaving. I was here, Car."

"Well aren't you just the shit," he groused. "I'll never be the brother you want me to be, Edward. Not to you and not to Pix."

"Stop."

The soft, yet crackling voice pulled their attention from each other down to the bed where Alice lay wide awake.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Bella slipped her hand into Jasper's as they walked out of Alice's hospital room. She knew Edward needed her support, but so did Jasper. He was all alone. His everything was fighting for her life, fighting to find the will to live, and fighting to belong. Bella hated that Alice was hurting, but she was also angry that she was willing to throw Jasper away so carelessly. Didn't she understand how much he needed her?

"Jesus fucking Christ," Jasper muttered under his breath as Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose stood from their seats just inside the waiting room. "I can't deal with them. I just . . . I can't . . ."

"Then we won't," Bella said, shaking her head as Rose took a step toward them. Bella pulled on Jasper's hand, leading him away from everyone, away from the very people who had turned their backs on him and Alice.

She felt anger toward her family, the same people who had held her hand when a tumor stole her voice, when a fire destroyed their family, when cancer robbed her of her health. Yet, when Alice and Jasper needed them, they weren't there. That was something she couldn't understand, or forgive. At the moment at least. Maybe one day.

"I was jealous of you," Jasper said as they reached the end of the hallway. He pulled his hand out of hers and placed it against the cool glass. He frowned. "After the fire, when they found the tumor, and you lost your voice, I was jealous."

"Why?" she asked, surprised by his confession.

"Because people left you alone," he said, shifting his attention outside. "They didn't ask you how you were all the time, try to get you to share your feelings. Maybe you're right and they pitied you, or maybe they didn't care. I wanted them not to care about me, to just let me be, but they didn't. Guess that's why I turned into such an asshole."

"You weren't an asshole to me," Bella said with a smile.

"You would have seen right through me if I had been." Jasper shifted so that he was facing her. "You were the only person I couldn't bullshit."

"Were?" Bella asked, lifting her brows.

"Alice," was all he said.

Bella nodded, sucking the inside of her lip between her teeth as she looked back down the hallway. "I failed you, didn't I?"

"What?" he asked, drawing her attention back to him. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I failed you," she whimpered. "I met Edward and pushed you away, made you feel unneeded. He became my rock, my shelter. You used to be the one I turned to when I missed my mom and dad, or when I got angry about not being able to speak. You were my person, and then I met Edward and he became my person."

"Can't believe you're referencing Grey's Anatomy right now," he chuckled, nudging her with his shoulder. He'd been the only person until Edward came along who would binge it with her, even if he did hate it. "You didn't fail me, Bella. You fell in love. I fell in love. That's what is supposed to happen. In a normal world, at least."

"Because our world has always been so normal," she scoffed, turning and leaning against the wall. "Why'd you wait so long to reach out to us? You and I texted each other at least fourteen times a day, Jas. You never once said Alice was in trouble."

Jasper sighed. "You had enough to deal with. I wasn't about to add my shit on top of it. Emmett was being a dick about you leaving, Esme's been in la la land ever since she left her job at the school. Rose. . . Well, Rose can't have a baby."

"What?" Bella asked, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't be the one telling you this, but she and Emmett started trying for a baby a couple years ago. About a year ago, she had some tests done and, well, I don't know all the details, but they told her it would be unlikely that she'll ever be able to get pregnant."

"Oh, man, why didn't they tell me?" Bella asked, though she already knew the answer. "Never mind, I already know."

"You were already dealing with so much with the cancer coming back and getting your voice back," he rambled.

"So?" she countered. "Don't you see the problem here? Yes, I had cancer. I lost my voice, my mom and dad will never come back to me. But, Jas, you lost your mom and dad, too. And Rose and Emmett have been dealing with not being able to have a baby, and Esme . . . Well, she's been a mess for a long time. Don't even get me started on Carlisle," Bella groused. "You and Alice should have been able to come to us, or them. We're supposed to be a family, and instead of being a family, everyone's keeping shit from each other and pretending that everything is fine."

"I'm pretty sure that's exactly how families work," he said.

"No, it's not," she disagreed. "You should have come to us when Alice first started spiraling, Jas. And Edward and I should have made more effort to help her. And —"

"And we should have done more." Bella and Jasper turned and found Esme standing a few feet behind them. Bella's shoulder tensed and she sighed. "Alice is awake."

Jasper shifted his eyes down to Bella before taking off back to her room. Bella made to follow, but Esme put her hands up and stepped in front of her. "Just give me a few minutes," she said.

Bella nodded, but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry. We're sorry. We didn't intentionally turn our backs to them."

Once again, Bella just stood there and stared at her sister.

"Would you say something?" Esme exclaimed.

"What do you want me to say?" Bella asked. "I don't understand."

"When Alice decided to apply for the art program, Carlisle and I were shocked. She'd been so resistant to change, yet here she was making this huge moment. We thought she'd had a breakthrough in her healing. And Jasper was going with her, so it wasn't like she was going to be alone. I guess, a part of us was relieved that we'd be able to focus on us for a while."

Bella frowned.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Esme insisted.

"Didn't you?" she challenged. "Mom and Dad fell and you were saddled with me. I didn't make it easy, either. I had cancer. I lost my voice. I became your first concern. You think I don't know how many men asked you out only for you to say no because of me?"

Esme didn't deny the accusation.

"I'm sorry that I became your burden, that your life was put on hold because I got sick. I didn't ask to have cancer!"

"I know you didn't," she said. "I've never blamed you for anything, Butterbean."

"You say that, but maybe that's a lie." Bella sighed. "I'd sit around the table at dinner and listen to the way you and Em would pick at each other, watch him and Rose sharing loving glances. I hated it. Hated just sitting there until to really be a part of the family."

Esme opened her mouth to argue, but Bella kept speaking. "I didn't have a future. I'd graduate from high school and maybe go to college, get a job, but I'd never really live. Nobody was going to love me, nobody was going to want me. But then I met Edward and he didn't care that I couldn't speak. He didn't talk down to me, or avoid me, or treat me like a freak. He loved me and I found myself loving him in return. And not even cancer could break us apart."

"That's how I feel with Carlisle," Esme said, quietly. "He understands me, loves me. When Edward called and told him that Alice was missing, he was so scared, so pissed with himself. I . . . I thought he might hurt himself."

Bella wasn't sure what to say. She knew how hard Carlisle had worked to control his urges to cut himself. He'd gone through therapy at the request of the hospital after he'd almost died from one of his episodes, as Edward called it.

"We were scrambling to find the money for a flight out, and all he kept saying was he had failed her." Esme brought her hand up to her mouth, stifling a sob. "All I could think about was how it could have been you."

"Me?" Bella asked.

Esme nodded. "You were so angry, Butterbean, after the fall, after the tumor was found. So angry, but you wouldn't let us help you. You kept your feelings bottled up inside. I know why you did it, of course, but I hated that you didn't feel you could be honest with me."

"It would have hurt you too much," Bella admitted.

"I hurt anyway. I missed Mom and Dad, I wanted them to tell me how to help you, but they were gone. That left me, Emmett, and Rose to raise you and Jasper. We did the best we could, but I guess it wasn't good enough."

Bella sighed. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I just . . . Why didn't you call Jasper and Alice? Check in on them the way you did with me and Edward?"

"I did," she said, sadly. "They didn't answer. Even went by their place a couple times, but they weren't home. I should have tried harder, I guess, but to be honest, I thought they were okay."

"Even after dinner last week?" Bella asked.

"Okay, not after then, but . . . Bella, I don't know how to make Alice better!" Esme whimpered.

"How about by just being there for her, the way you were for me? She needed a sister, someone to tell her it's okay to be scared and to cry."

"I know. I messed up. We messed up."

Bella sighed and dragged her fingers through her hair. "So what are you going to go about it now?"

"I don't know," Esme said, sadly. "We'll try to do better. Is that enough?"

"I guess we'll see." Bella paused. "We should get back."

Bella wanted to believe that her sister finally understood how much Alice would need them. They still didn't know if she was going to suffer any permanent, or what the future held. All Bella knew was that once again, her world was falling apart.


	14. Chapter 14

14

"Stop."

Edward's heart broke as he turned his attention to his baby sister. Laid up in her hospital bed, she looked even more fragile now that she was awake. There was a darkness in her eyes, a hollowness that almost brought Edward to his knees.

"Hey, Pix," Edward murmured, taking a step toward her, but stopped when Alice pushed herself up in the bed like she was trying to get away from him. "Hey, it's okay."

"Stop," she said again, this time her voice breaking. "Stop being here. Stop caring about me. Just fucking stop already!"

"Pix, calm down," Carlisle said, moving to the far side of Alice's bed.

She screamed, grabbing either side of her head with her hands. The door to her room flew open and both Edward and Carlisle looked back, finding Esme standing there with wide eyes full of fear and sadness. Without a word, she turned and rushed down the hallway.

"Leave," Alice choked out, drawing their attention back to her. "Just leave me alone. Please, just let me die!"

"No, Pix," Edward said, this time with more sharpness than he intended. "You can't give up like this."

"LEAVE!" she screamed, her fingers yanking and pulling on her hair. "LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE!"

The door to her room was once again opened, this time by Jasper. Like Esme, his eyes were wide and full of fear, but unlike her, there was hope and love. He pushed Edward out of the way and climbed into bed next to Alice, cradling her against his chest.

"Shh, darlin," he murmured. "I've got you."

Alice started sobbing, her thoughts and words forgotten as she lost herself in the arms of her lover.

Edward motioned for Carlisle to follow him out of the room. While he was still angry at his brother, he realized that he'd been expecting too much from Carlisle. Their parents had died and suddenly, Carlisle had been tasked with more responsibility than a man of twenty-six should have been. Alice had been hurt in the accident, her body marred by the flames that took their parents' lives. And then there was Edward.

He'd been angry at his mother and father for dying. Angry that he'd been given her heart, that he hadn't been allowed to died and be with them again. He'd just been angry. He tried to hide it, mask it, but he failed. He expected more from Carlisle, ignored the signs that Carlisle was losing his shit. Even when he first found out about the cutting, he cursed Carlisle for not being strong enough, for daring to compare his pain to Edward's. After all, it had been Edward who stole their mother's heart.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Edward admitted, saying the words for the first time. "I . . . I just don't know."

"Me either," Carlisle whimpered, drawing Edward's attention to him. "I never meant for things to get so out of control like this. You have to believe me."

"I do," Edward admitted. "But I can't do this anymore, Car. I can't be the only one trying to keep everyone together. It's exhausting."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'll do better. I promise."

Edward wanted to believe him, more than anything in the world, but he didn't. Carlisle always promised to do better, to be better, but he wasn't. And Edward had come to realize he probably never would.

"Edward."

At the sound of his name being called, he looked over his shoulder and found Dr. Cameron standing in the entrance to the waiting room with Emmett and Rose behind him.

"She's awake," Edward said. "She's awake and she's mad because we didn't let her die. Because I didn't let her die. She's fucking mad because I saved her!"

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down," Dr. Cameron said, rushing over to him and placing his hands on Edward's shoulders. "She's just angry. I'm going to page Dr. King and let him know that Alice is awake. I want you and Bella to go outside and get some fresh air."

And when Edward began to protest, Dr. Cameron clamped his hand over Edward's mouth. "Doctor's orders. You need to take a few minutes for yourself. I will make sure Alice is okay until you get back."

Though he was reluctant to leave, especially with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose hovering like they were, Edward nodded his head in agreement.

"Good. Now, scoot," Dr. Cameron said with a faint smile.

Edward turned and reached for Bella, who immediately took hold of his hand. Neither spoke as they left their family with Dr. Cameron, as they rode the elevator to the lobby, or even as they walked out of the hospital for the first time in hours. The air was bitter cold, yet felt good at the same time.

"We should leave," Edward said as they sat on a stone bench just outside the front doors. "We should get a cab and go back to Seattle and just . . . shit, I don't know, forget everyone and just be us."

"Hmm, we could do nothing but study and make love," Bella cooed. "Mostly making love, of course."

"Of course." Edward wrapped his arm around her waist, tucking her against him. "But we can't do that, can we?"

Bella shook her head.

"Didn't think so."

"Did you know that Emmett and Rose can't have a baby?" Bella asked.

"No," he said, his eyes widening. "Have they been trying?"

"For a couple years now apparently. She had some tests done and they say it's unlikely that she'll ever be able to conceive. They didn't tell us, of course. We're too fragile to be in the loop."

"God damn it," Edward swore under his breath.

"Maybe we shouldn't have left Forks," Bella said, softly. "Maybe it was selfish of us to go to school, to want to live on our own like normal people. We've never been normal. Why start now?"

"Yeah, maybe," Edward admitted. "But don't we deserve the chance to just be Bella and Edward?"

"Apparently not."

Edward frowned. "I never wanted to come back to Chicago. As hard as it was to leave, staying after the accident was harder. There were too many memories. Hardly any of them good. Being back here is especially difficult. The last time I walked out of this hospital, my mother's heart was beating in my chest and she was dead. Pix . . . Pix . . ."

Edward shook his head, tears sliding down his face without care. "She doesn't want to live. She's ready to just give up and die and I can't do anything about that."

"No, you can't," she agreed, leaning her head against his shoulder. "It's cold out here."

"I don't know what to do, Bella. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Neither do I, but we'll figure it out together. Like we do everything."

"Promise?"

Bella tilted her head back and smiled. "With everything I have."

Leaning down, Edward brushed his lips across hers. "Let go inside. My balls are starting to shrivel."

Bella laughed, but grabbed Edward's hand as she stood. He followed her inside, wanting to feel more confident that everything would be okay, but the feeling just wasn't there. The fact was Alice wanted to die, and for the first time, Edward couldn't save her.

—WH—

Tense was the only way to describe the feeling as Edward and Bella joined their families in the waiting room. Everyone with the exception of Jasper, who was still with Alice, was seated in utter silence. Emmett had his arm around Rose, who was trying hard not to cry, to be strong. She had once been someone to be brutally honest with Edward, telling him that he had to take care of himself. He had tried, but the second he and Bella tried to have their own lives, everything fell apart.

Carlisle and Esme were seated in the far corner of the room, away from Emmett and Rose. Edward could see the guilt on his face. He worried that Alice's suicide attempt would push Carlisle over the edge, that he would turn to self-harm again. It was a worry Edward felt he shouldn't bear, but he did. Like everything else he worried about.

"Dr. King come yet?" he asked, choosing a couple seats between where Carlisle and Esme sat and Emmett and Rose were.

"He's in with Pix now," Carlisle said, dragging his hand over his face and through his hair. "Dr. Cameron said he'd run some test on you. Said you'd been feeling some pressure in your chest again."

Edward sighed, but didn't say anything.

"Why didn't you tell us, Edward?" Carlisle demanded, the eyes of everyone but Bella shifting to him.

"Because I knew it was nothing," he lied. To be honest, he had started to worry, especially as they had increased in pressure over the last few weeks.

"And he knew—we knew—that you'd freak out," Bella added, sliding her arm with his and wrapping her fingers around his forearm. "Like you always do. Why do you think we were so determined to leave Forks and go to school in Seattle? We were—we are—tired of always being treated like we were about to fall apart. It's frustrating."

"So we care too much," Emmett said, nodding his head. "We're wrong because we care too much."

"That's not what I said," Bella argued.

"Sure it is," Rose grumbled. "We were the ones who were there, Butterbean, when you first got sick, when you lost your voice. We learned sign language for you, to make life as normal as it could be."

"Normal?" Bella scoffed. "Normal girls don't lose their voices because of a tumor wrapping around their vocal chords. Normal girls don't have to live day after day never being able to truly tell anyone how they feel because they are mute freaks, who instead of getting to grieve the loss of her best friend's parents, and the tragic accident that stole her parents from her, she had to go through chemo and radiation and lose her hair and be a fucking freak!"

Edward wrapped his arm around Bella, who had gotten so upset, she was to the point of yelling and crying at the same time. "I'm sorry if not telling you about my episodes hurts your feelings, or whatever, but it's nothing. Just stress related, Dr. Cameron probably told you, which violates my rights as his patient."

"I did no such thing." Edward shifted his attention to the doorway of the waiting room, where Dr. Cameron stood with Dr. King and Jasper. "I simply asked how long Alice has being spiraling and if it correlated to when the pressure you felt started. I had no reason to believe that you hadn't told your brother about them."

Edward pressed his lips together, but didn't push the issue. What was the point? He would just be told how irresponsible he was being with his health and how he owed everyone more than that. Same bullshit he had been told since he was a little boy.

"Is Pix okay?" he asked, ending the moment of silence that filled the room. Jasper, Dr. King, and Dr. Cameron shared a look before the three of them stepped into the room. "She is okay, right?"

"She seems to be all right physically. Her exposure to the cold and the medication she ingested haven't left any side effects," Dr. King stated.

"But?" Carlisle asked, standing and crossing the room so that he was standing on the other side of Bella.

"But mentally, emotionally, she's a bit of a mess," he admitted. "She's angry, bitter, and a danger to herself. I'm ordering that she be held on a seventy-two hour psych hold."

"You think she'd make another attempt on her life?" Emmett asked as he and Rose stood.

"Without a doubt."

The level of certainty in his words had Edward reaching for his chest. "So what do we do? Three days here isn't going to make everything okay."

"No, it won't," Dr. Cameron said, gesturing for everyone to have a seat.

Jasper looked defeated as he slipped into the chair two down from Rose, who reached for him. Jasper, however, pulled away, clearly not ready to forgive his sister any more than Edward could forgive his brother. Edward hated the bitterness inside him, but something was going to have to give and give soon.

"I know this isn't going to be easy for you to hear," Dr. Cameron continued, "but Dr. King and I think Alice needs more intensive treatment, somewhere safe. There's a facility, a treatment center over in Cicero, a level three center. I've done some work with them in the past, and think I can get her a bed. It would be for no less than ninety days, but could be more."

"You think we should have her committed?" Edward asked. The words hurt, yet a part of him knew they were right. Alice needed more help than they'd be able to give her.

"I wish this wasn't where we are, but Alice . . ." Dr. Cameron shook his head as he scooted to the edge of his chair. "Alice needs help. She needs someplace safe where she can begin to deal with the accident, the burns on her body, the death of your parents, and the guilt she feels."

"She feels guilty?" Carlisle asked as a look of horror filled his face and it took everything Edward had not to tell him to shut up and sit down.

"Of course she does," Edward scoffed, and turned his attention back to the doctors. "So, we just leave her here all by herself?"

"Well, we can look for treatment centers closer to Seattle, but to be honest, I'm not sure she needs to be back there for a while."

"Jas," Bella said, drawing his attention from the floor to her. "Jas, what do you think we should do?"

"What do I think?" he murmured with a shake of his head. "I think everyone, with the exception of you and Edward, should get on their knees and beg Alice to forgive them. Beg her until you feel as worthless and pathetic as she does. And then, I think she should tell them to fuck off, that she doesn't need them because she knows I'm taking care of her. But that's not going to happen because Alice believes that the world would be better off without her," he said, his words wavering as he spoke. "She'll go to the treatment center. She won't want to, but she'll go because I'll beg her to go, to help herself because I'm a selfish bastard who needs her too damn much. And I don't know if it will help, or if it will make shit worse. I just don't know, but I do know that no matter what, I'll be right here waiting for her, waiting to love her with every breath of air I take." Jasper pushed himself out of his chair. "So, yeah, that's what I think."

And without another word, Jasper left them sitting there knowing that Alice had to make the decision to keep fighting or to die. Edward just wasn't sure what side she'd choose, Jasper or not.


	15. Chapter 15

15

Bella sat curled up on the couch inside their small, dinky apartment and watched her husband pretend to study. They'd just arrived back from Chicago the day before. She worried about Edward, about the stress of dealing with his brother and sister's mental breakdowns would be too much for him.

Alice had refused to see them before they left, screaming that they could go to hell. She wanted to die, to be done with the life God had handed her. Bella couldn't blame her. Hell, she had had moments herself when she wondered why she didn't just end everything. Moments when her body ached from cancer treatments, when all she wanted more than anything was to be able to feel her father's arms around her, to have her mother brush her hair, to tell her family how much she loved them. But Bella had never had the courage to take her own life.

"Sure you don't want to come with me?" Bella asked, standing up.

Edward put on a fake smile as he looked from his biology book to her. "I really need to study."

"Okay. I love you."

"Me too."

Not hearing those three little words from him hurt, but Bella understood that he was dealing with a lot. He and Carlisle hadn't talked again since they walked out of the hospital. Nor had she and Emmett and Esme. Bella wasn't sure what to say to her brother and sister, how to make everything good again. Then, again, maybe things hadn't been as good as Bella thought they were. Emmett and Rose couldn't have a baby, Alice and Jasper were cracking at the seams, Esme and Carlisle were . . . Bella didn't even know what they were doing. Enjoying life being free of the burden they'd inherited when their worlds were torn apart.

"I shouldn't be too long," Bella added, grabbing the keys to their car and pausing at the door. "Want me to bring home dinner?"

"If you want," he said, this time not even bothering to look up.

Sighing, Bella pulled open the door and walked out. As soon as the door closed behind her, her eyes filled with tears. She was losing him and there was nothing she could do about it.

—WH—

Half an hour later, Bella was seated in Phil's office, waiting for him to get done with his patient. She had called him that morning to see when would be a good time for her to return his credit card. He insisted on her coming in that afternoon. So, there she was when all she wanted was for Edward to hold her and tell her everything would be okay.

Feeling antsy, Bella stood and wandered around the office, stopping at his bookshelves behind his desk. Like most doctors, he had medical books, but there were also pictures of her, Emmett, and Esme. Of Renee and Charlie. Pictures of the closest he would ever get to a family, Bella suspected.

The door to the office opened and Bella looked over and watched as Phil entered. He looked as exhausted as she felt.

"Hey, sorry it took so long," he said, closing the door. He walked up to her, and pulled her in for a hug. The second his arms wrapped around her, the dam broke and she began to sob. Not just sob, but ugly crying. "Shh, sweetheart, it's okay."

"Not . . . okay," she cried. "Nothing is . . . okay."

Phil dragged me over to his small, black leather sofa and sat with me still leaning against him. "Tell me what's going on."

Bella leaned back and tried to wipe the tears off her face, but more fell. "I don't even know. Edward and I thought leaving Forks and coming here was the right choice for us. We needed a chance to not be two sick kids for once. But, apparently, that just fucked everything up for everyone."

Bella shifted so that she was facing him and let everything out. Alice's spiraling mental health, how nobody other than her and Edward had as much as called her or Jasper. How Emmett and Rose had been trying to get pregnant, but couldn't. The more she spoke, the angrier she became.

"I just don't know why it falls on me and Edward to keep everybody together. When do we get a chance to just live our lives?" she asked.

"Wow," Phil said, exhaling a deep breath. "I had no idea things that were that bad."

"I don't know what to do. Edward's angry. I can feel him pulling away."

"You've got to talk to him, Butterbean. Tell him how you feel."

"It's not that easy," she muttered. "He's been having these episodes for a while. A tightening in his chest. He had some tests done in Chicago, by his old cardiothoracic surgeon, but he said it was just stress. What if it's not, though? What if . . . what if it's more than that?"

"Then it's more," Phil said, reaching over and placing his hand on her cheek. "It's unfortunate, but you and Edward will always have to play the 'what if' game. I'd love to believe that you'll never develop another tumor, that Edward will never have to have another heart surgery, but the odds say otherwise."

"I know. It's just not fair," she murmured.

"No, it's not," he agreed. "If it were, Charlie and Renee would be the ones telling you this instead of me."

"I miss them."

"Me, too."

"Thank you," Bella said, slipping his credit card out of her pocket and holding it out to him. "We'll pay you back every penny."

"No, you won't." Phil took the credit card, placing it on his knee. "Alice is my family, too Butterbean. I will do everything I can to help her, to help any of you."

Bella nodded and glanced down at her watch. "I'd better go. Thanks again."

"You're welcome." Phil followed her out to the elevator. "If you need anything, just call. Promise?"

"I promise."

And she wanted to mean it, but relying on Phil was as dangerous as relying on Emmett and Esme. Bella and Edward could only count on each other.

—WH—

Bella stopped and grabbed a pizza from their favorite joint. It was a charming, family owned pizza parlor that made their money off the college kids. Balancing the pizza on her hip, she pulled her keys out of her back pocket and unlocked the door to their apartment. She expected to find Edward still seated at the table, or even laying across the couch, but the apartment was empty. A feeling of panic filled her as she stowed the pizza in the fridge and looked for a note, anything that would tell her where her husband had taken off to. There was nothing.

Bella dug into her purse and found her phone, hoping that somehow she had missed a call or text from Edward, but her phone didn't show any notifications. She paced in the living room as she dialed his number and brought the phone up to her ear.

"You're call has been forwarded to an automated voice system."

Huffing, Bella ended the call. Where was he? Why were calls going directly to his voice mail? Bella sent him a text, asking where he was. She sat on the couch and waited for him to reply, but he never did. Her phone showed the message was read, though. Why was he ignoring her?

Bella considered calling Carlisle and asking him if he had heard from Edward, but she knew he wouldn't have. Edward hadn't forgiven Carlisle yet. Or she didn't think he had. A feeling of panic filled her.

For the next four hours, Bella called and texted him. Each phone call went straight to his voice mail and every text was read, just not replied to. Tears fell down her face and she found herself climbing the walls with worry. More than once she had to stop herself from leaving the apartment and searching for him. She wouldn't even know where to start. After all, she had the car and they were seriously low on the funds, so she didn't think he would have taken a cab. But then, she never thought he would leave her, either.

Bella had just stood and picked up her phone to call him again, when the door to their apartment opened and Edward stumbled in. She could smell the liquor rolling off him. He leaned against the open door, his eyes lifting from the floor to her. A creepy smile spread against his face, which was red and sweaty.

"Hey, baby, I was looking for you," he slurred, pushing off the door and reaching for her.

Bella moved away from him, unsure what to say or do. Edward didn't drink, not with the type of medication he was on. "Where were you?"

"Out," he laughed and flopped down on the couch. "The room is spinning."

"I'm sure it is," she murmured, rushing over and pulling his keys out of the lock before shutting the door to their apartment. Taking a deep breath, she turned and looked at him, finding him with his hand shoved down his pants.

"Come here, baby. I want to touch you," he slurred, rolling off the couch and landing on his face. "Fuck that hurt."

"I'd imagine so," she murmured as she walked over to him and helped him sit up. Edward grabbed her by the hips and pulled her onto his lap. The smell of booze intensified and she found herself wanting to throw up. "Let me go."

"I want to touch my wife," he said, trying to sound sexier than he did she supposed. His hand slipped down to her ass, grabbing a handful. "I love your ass, baby. So fucking firm."

"Yeah, I know," she said, struggling to get him to release her. "Edward, let me go."

"No," he growled, his arm tightening around her almost to the point of being painful. "You're mine."

"Stop this, Edward," she snarled, shoving him backward as she scrambled off his lap. She crossed the room before she looked back at him, finding him still sitting on the floor. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me," he laughed. "I'm just a fucked up freak with a broken heart."

"You're being a real jerk," she said, inching her way to the bedroom.

"Yeah, well, you're a bitch," he spat. "Why don't you just go fuck yourself? Think you're so fucking perfect. Well, you ain't. You're just as fucked up as I am. More so even. My heart may be broken, but at least I didn't cause my parents' accident like you did. Your mom and dad would be here if it wasn't because of you!"

Bella gasped as she stumbled backward, the full force of his words slamming into her. Tears filled her eyes. "Don't you think I know that?"

And leaving Edward sitting on the floor, Bella ran into their bedroom and locked the door behind her. Her knees gave out and she crumbled to the floor, her heart breaking as Edward continued to yell obscenities at her, accusing her of destroying everything they had.


	16. Chapter 16

16

Edward's head throbbed, like someone had stabbed him a hundred times in the temple before running him over by a bus. He groaned and rolled onto his side, but yelled when he hit the floor with a thud. Pushing himself up onto his knees, he looked around the living room and tried to remember why he was sleeping on the couch, why his mouth tasted like ass, and why he was completely naked.

Before he could answer any of these disturbing concerns, the door to the bedroom opened and Bella carefully stepped out, her eyes locking on his. Eyes that were red and puffy, like when she spent nights crying for her parents, over the pain that came with cancer, and the loss of being normal.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked, scrambling to his feet, but stopped when Bella flinched away from him. "Baby?"

However, Bella looked away, tugged her backpack up her shoulder, and pulled the door to their bedroom closed before ignoring him and walking to the front door, opening it, and leaving. Never once having said a word to him.

Edward gathered his clothes from around the living room before walking to their bedroom and pushing the door open. He wasn't sure what he had expected. The bed was made as usual, the hamper full of laundry they hadn't gotten around to doing. Edward added his clothes to the pile, and walked into the bathroom, where he stopped short as his chest tightened. Written across the bathroom mirror in cliché red lipstick were the words: _I'm sorry for ruining everything. You won't have to worry about me anymore_.

"What the fuck?" Edward muttered as he braced himself against the vanity.

Through the mirror, he looked into the shower stall, gasping when he saw her body soap missing. Bella only used Japanese Cherry Blossom body wash, said her mother always bought her and Esme a bottle for Christmas. Edward rushed into their bedroom and yanked open the door to the closet, finding only his clothes hanging there. When he checked the dresser, he found the same: only his clothes.

"Fuck," he swore as he grabbed a pair of underwear, sweats, a T-shirt, socks, and pulled them on a quickly as he could. Once he had his shoes on, he grabbed his coat, keys, and cell phone from the living room floor and rushed after Bella. What had he done the night before?

Edward waited outside of Bella's two morning classes, but she never came out. He went to the bookstore, thinking she might have picked up a shift, but Maggie said she hadn't been by in two days. He searched the library, the science building, the fine arts building, the activity center from top to bottom, but no Bella. He called her dozens of times, but got nothing but her voice mail, texted her, but none of his texts were being seen.

Feeling frustrated, he climbed into the car and leaned his head back against the headrest. Just as his eyes started to close, he saw the newsletter tucked between the middle console and the passenger seat. The long-term ward at the hospital in Forks sent them to all the family of those they cared for, just keeping them updated on ins and outs of the ward. Bella hated getting them, yet she always read them multiple times.

"God, please let her be okay," he whispered as he started the car and headed to Forks.

—WH—

When Edward pulled the car into the vacant space just outside the hospital a few hours later, he had driven himself mad trying to remember what had happened the night before that would send Bella running for the hills, but he couldn't remember anything past going with James and Tyler to a bar, where they ordered him a beer. That was it.

"Stop being a little bitch," Edward cursed himself before he climbed out the car and headed inside.

He bypassed the front desk easily enough, but when he found himself waiting for the elevator, he spotted Carlisle heading in his direction. Not in the mood for a confrontation with his brother, Edward hurried to the stairs and took them two at a time until he found himself outside the door to the fifth floor. He bent at the waist, trying to catch his breath while one hand clutched at his chest to stop the ache that always came when he overexerted himself.

Edward pried the door to the floor open and stepped out, his eyes searching the floor for any sign of Bella, Kate, Carlisle, anyone. Not seeing them, he started toward Charlie's room, knowing that Bella would most likely stop and visit her father first. Sure enough, when he peeked into his room, Bella was curled up in the chair next to his bed, her fingers wrapped around his. Tears seeped down her face and Edward felt the immense guilt for whatever he had done.

"Hey," he murmured, drawing her attention away from Charlie.

Bella frowned as she scrambled to her feet, her hands coming up in front of her like she thought he was going to rush her.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, stepping into the room.

Bella didn't reply, but her eyes shifted past him, almost like she was gauging the likelihood that she could get out of the room before he attacked her.

"Look," Edward said, putting his hands up and drawing her eyes back to him, "I don't know what happened last night, but whatever I said, or did, you know I didn't mean it."

Bella's lips trembled as she shook her head, one hand clutching the front of her shirt with her other arm wrapped around her torso. Her eyes flooded with tears once again that spilled down her face.

"Baby, please talk to me," Edward pleaded, but once again she shook her head. "Did . . . Did I hurt you? I mean, physically?"

Bella's eyes closed, but she didn't reply in any way.

"Did I . . . I hit you?"

"What are you doing here? And what do you mean you hit her?" Turning, Edward groaned when he saw Carlisle standing in the doorway. His eyes flittered from him to Bella and back before he rushed by Edward to Bella's side. "Did he hit you?"

Bella's eyes flittered from Edward to Carlisle and back before she sighed. "No, of course not."

Relief flooded Edward. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he had done something like that. His father taught him better, said a man who raised their hand against a woman was a coward.

"I, um," Bella paused as her eyes met Edward's. "I just wanted to see my dad. Missed him a lot."

Carlisle nodded, though Edward could tell he didn't believe her. "He's doing as good as can be expected, you know given the circumstances."

Bella's head barely moved in acknowledgement.

"I guess I'd better get going, but are you coming by the house when you're done here?" Carlisle asked, looking between Edward and Bella.

"No," they said together.

"We've got early classes tomorrow," Edward added. "This was just an impromptu visit."

"Oh, okay. Guess that makes sense. Only a few more weeks left, right? Probably got a lot of studying to do."

"Yep," Bella muttered.

"Well, be careful going back to the city." Carlisle stopped next to Edward, his hand coming to rest on his shoulder. "I miss you."

"Me too," he lied. Well, not really. He did miss Carlisle, just not the Carlisle who would let their sister drive herself to the point of suicide because he couldn't bother picking up a phone.

Once Carlisle left them alone, Edward closed the door to Charlie's room and turned back to Bella, who had moved so that she was standing on the far side of the room. He could feel the fear radiating off his wife, something he didn't like. Bella had never been afraid of him, and he didn't want her to start now.

"Tell me what I did," he begged. "Please? I don't remember anything after going for a walk and running into James and Tyler, who talked me into going to a bar with them and having a beer."

Bella scoffed. "Because with the medication you take, drinking is such a good idea."

"I know. Just figured one wouldn't hurt. I'm guessing I had more than one," he murmured.

"I'd say so seeing as you were sloppy drunk," she quipped.

"Did I hurt you?"

"But not in the way you're thinking. You . . . you were aggressive," she whimpered. "You touched me, you tried to get me to have sex with you. When I refused, you said horrible things."

"What'd I say?" Edward asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"It doesn't matter," she mumbled, sitting on the side of Charlie's bed. "You can go. I'll be fine on my own."

"But I won't be," he said, rushing around to her, gasping when she scrambled away from him with her hands up. "Bella?"

"Just go," she cried.

"What did I say?" he asked once more.

Bella's eyes closed as she shook her head. "You called me a bitch. Told me to fuck myself, that I think I'm perfect, but . . . but that I'm fucked up like you. You said you may have a broken heart, but that I . . . I . . ."

Edward's eyes widened as he asked, "You what? What else did I say?"

"You said it was my fault that Charlie and Renee are like they are," she barely whispered. "That I caused the accident and they'd be here if it wasn't for me."

"Oh, my God," Edward groaned, dragging his hands over his face and through his hair. "Bella, I didn't mean it."

"Whatever," she scoffed. "It's not like you're wrong. It was my fault. All of it. If I hadn't wanted my chance at stardom, they wouldn't have fallen, they'd be here. Alice wouldn't have tried to kill herself, my best friend wouldn't be hurting. All of this is my fault, Edward!"

"What? No, no, it's not," he insisted, reaching for her, but she pulled away. "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you!"

"You already did," she whispered. "Ever since we got back from Chicago, you've been pushing me away. I thought you just needed time to grieve Alice, to deal with the guilt of not being able to be the one to save her. I get it, because I feel the same guilt and shame. I do, but while I wanted you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Lie to me and tell me that in five years it wasn't going to matter, that our family would be okay, you wouldn't. I tried, Edward, I did, but . . . Last night, you were mean and ugly."

Edward blinked back the tears that filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"So you say," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I just . . . I don't know, Edward. Maybe —"

"If you two are going to fight, can you take it outside?"

Bella's eyes widened as she looked from Edward to Charlie, who was laying in his bed, his eyes wide open, and a smile on his lips as if he hadn't just spent the last eighteen months in a catatonic state.


	17. Chapter 17

17

Bella's eyes filled with tears as she stared at her father. One minute ago, he had been nothing but an empty shell, and now — now he was smiling like he always had.

"Ain't you gonna say anything, Butterbean?" Charlie asked, his grin somehow widening.

"Ain't is not a word," she whimpered, her arms wrapping around herself protectively. She felt Edward's hand touch her shoulder, but in that moment, she couldn't find the strength to push him away. "You're awake."

"So it seems," Charlie said, using his arms to push himself up in the bed. "You just gonna stand there, or don't I get a hug?"

The tears that had been threatening to fall trickled down her face as Bella took the few steps to her father's bed and climbed on next to him. The feel of his arms wrapped around her opened a floodgate of emotions that she had been struggling to keep buried inside her. She had written him off, figured God wouldn't give her a third chance at having a father after snatching away the first two.

"Shh, Butterbean, it's okay," Charlie whispered, his hand resting on the back of her hair. "You look beautiful. Strong and healthy. You are healthy, aren't you?"

Bella nodded. "For now."

"And happy? Are you happy, Butterbean?"

Before Bella could answer, Edward shuffled out of the room, muttering something about finding Carlisle and calling Esme and Emmett. Bella sighed as she pulled away from her father and climbed off the bed. It was easy to forget the hurtful words her husband had said to her when laying in her father's arms.

"Butterbean, what's going on?"

With tears filling her eyes, she turned and faced Charlie. "Everything has gone to shit, Dad. Just shit."

And unable to keep it inside, Bella found herself telling him everything that had happened over the last year and half. From her struggles with speech therapy, to Esme's stalker, to Emmett and Rose unable to have a baby, to Alice's suicide attempt and Jasper's breakdown, finally ending with her and Edward. She told him how angry he was, how bitter he had become toward the life God gave him, to Bella's fears of never truly being able to be happy. The only part she didn't share were the accusation Edward had hurled in his drunken rage. She needed to keep that close, because while everyone would deny it, the fact was if Bella hadn't wanted to sing, life would have turned out much differently.

"Wow," Charlie said as the door to his room opened and Edward led Carlisle in. "Dr. Cullen, right? Carlisle?"

"Charlie," Carlisle said, nodding. "Can't say I expected to ever walk into this room again and find you awake."

"Me, either," Charlie admitted.

"How are you feeling? Any headaches? Pain?"

Charlie shook his head. "I feel good. Like I just woke up from a long nap, which I guess I kind of did."

Carlisle smiled as he pulled out his penlight and began looking into Charlie's eyes. Edward shifted to his left, drawing Bella's attention. The man standing before her wasn't the same man who had screamed at her the night before, yet he wasn't the same man who held her as she sobbed through chemo, either. She didn't know who he was, and that caused her heart to ache, because she still loved him.

"Well, everything seems in order," Carlisle said, pulling Bella and Edward's attention to him. "I'd like to run some tests. Just to be sure, of course."

Charlie nodded as the door to his room opened once more. This time, Emmett, Esme, and Rose rushed inside. Esme started crying as she threw herself onto Charlie. Emmett, however, appeared unsure of what to say, so instead he looked around the room, his eyes landing on Bella.

"What are you doing here?"

"Same as you," Bella muttered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"But it's a three hour drive from Seattle," Emmett argued. "Edward just called us twenty minutes ago. What were you doing here in the first place?"

"Em, it doesn't matter," Charlie said, stretching his hand toward his only son. "She's here, and so am I."

"But how?" he asked, his lips trembling as he took hold of Charlie's hand. "They said you'd never wake up again, that the damage was too severe."

"Clearly they were wrong," Charlie chuckled.

"Dad, I . . ." Emmett shook his head as he released Charlie's hand and rushed out of the room. Bella frowned as she followed, chasing after him until he slumped to the floor next to the elevator. "What the hell is going on, Butterbean?"

"I don't know," Bella said, sliding onto the floor next to him. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "One minute he was just lying there and the next he was telling me and Edward to take our fight somewhere else."

"Why were you fighting?"

Bella sighed. The words had left her before she could stop them. "Things are just . . . fucked, I guess, is the word. I don't know, Em. Thought things would be different when we went to school, but . . . but it's not."

"Because of Alice?" he asked.

Bella shook her head. "No. Or not just her. It's everything. I thought Edward and I would be able to go to school and be normal. Just a couple of married kids trying to get an education, but everywhere we turned, people were giving us special treatment. Cutting the line at registration, easy work study jobs. Hell, probably got our apartment because we're too fragile to wait on a list."

"You know, most people would love to be given special treatment like that."

"Maybe, but Edward and I have spent years being the freaks that were sick, or mute. It sucks, Em. It really sucks."

"Hey, I know."

"You don't, though," Bella insisted, shifting her body toward him. "Why didn't you tell me that you and Rose can't have a baby?"

Emmett's eyes widened.

"Didn't think I knew, did you?" she asked.

"No," he admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Emmett shook his head, bending his knees in front of him as he leaned against the wall. "Because I'm embarrassed, Butterbean. We'd been talking about it for about a year before Edward moved to Forks. Timing never seemed right, though. You were so angry and bitter, and Esme . . . Well, none of us were exactly ready for a baby. After you and Edward got married, after you got your voice back, we just decided that we'd try. No pressure, no stress. It was fun at first. I mean, lots of sex."

"Ew," Bella mumbled.

Emmett tried to smile, but it didn't quite come off. "But then month after month after month the test came back negative. We tried to be positive. It doesn't always happen right away, but a year went by and still no baby. Rose and I decided we should have some test done. The doctor was sure everything was okay, we just needed more time, needed to relax. After a few more months, he agreed to run some tests, and, um, well, things aren't okay, Butterbean. I can't give my wife the baby she so desperately wants," he whispered, his voice thick with emotions and his eyes filling with tears. "I've failed her."

"Em," Bella whispered and moved so that she could wrap her arms around him.

"I'm scared that he'll go away again, Butterbean."

"I am, too," she admitted.

"You and Edward going to be okay?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, to be honest. He . . . I just don't know anymore."

"Do you love him still?"

"I do," she whimpered. "So much just the idea of not having him hurts me, Em, but is love enough anymore? Maybe we were too young. Maybe we let the fear of dying, or never getting my voice back, push us forward. Maybe we were never meant to be happy."

"I don't believe that for a second," Emmett said, quickly. "You're going through a rough patch maybe, but if you love him, Butterbean, don't give up on him."

Emmett stood and pulled Bella to her feet. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked back to Charlie's room. Stopping in the doorway, Bella watched as Emmett slowly approached Charlie. Neither said anything. They just hugged and cried. Bella shifted her eyes to Edward, who was sitting on the small sofa in the back corner of the room. His hand was massaging his chest. Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath before slipping into the room behind Esme, Rose, and Carlisle. Edward looked up as she walked to him, sitting on the sofa. With tears in her eyes, she placed her hand over his and pulled it away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. "I am so, so sorry."

"I know," she echoed, and turning from him, she knew they had more to talk about, but for now, Charlie needed their attention. "So, what happens now?"

"Um, that will depend on what the MRI and CatScan show," Carlisle told her. "But for now, we just wait and see."

"Everything's going to be okay, Butterbean," Charlie said, almost sounding like a promise, and with the way his eyes shifted from her to Edward, she knew he meant more than just his own health. She just wished she could be as confident as he seemed to be.

—WH—

After spending hours at Charlie's bedside, Bella and Edward were forced, by Kate and Carlisle, to leave. The fear of returning the next day and finding that his awakening was a dream, or a onetime deal, scared her. Unable to handle the questions, the stares, Bella and Edward declined their family's offers to stay with them. Instead, they booked a room at the motel just outside Forks. Armed with a large pizza and a six pack of sodas, they settled in for what was sure to be a long night.

"I'll, um," Edward paused before grabbing the ice bucket. "I'll be right back."

Bella nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, wondering if they'd the right decision to take a room with one bed instead of a double. She wanted nothing more than to believe that Edward hadn't meant the words he said, but doubt filled her heart and fear nibbled at her soul.

Edward came back a few minutes later and set the bucket on the table before sitting next to her on the bed. He reached for her hand, but Bella pulled away.

"I don't blame you for being mad," he said, folding his hands in his lap. "I would be, too, if you . . . But you wouldn't have said what I did, not even if you'd been drunk."

"I wouldn't have been drunk in the first place," Bella murmured, shifting her eyes up to his. "I called. When you weren't home when I got back from Phil's office, I called you, texted you, but you ignored me. I was scared, Edward."

"I'm sorry. I just needed some fresh air."

"And you couldn't wait until I got back? Or leave me a note, send me a text. Hell, reply to one of the hundred texts I sent you."

Edward frowned, but didn't say anything.

"How long after I left did you go out?"

When he didn't say anything, she had her answer. He had been waiting for her to leave.

"Do you love me, Edward?"

His eyes widened and he leapt off the bed. "Of course I do!"

"Are you sure?" she asked, standing and facing him. "Because I'm not."

Edward placed his hands on either side of her face, keeping her from pulling away. "I've been in love with you since the moment I felt your fingers against my scar. I'd never let anyone close to me like that, Bella. Never, and it scared me. Still scares me, but I knew I could trust you, that I could love you. And that hasn't changed, not one little bit."

Bella pulled herself away. "I want to believe you."

"But you don't," he said.

"Can you blame me? Edward, I love you, but the man I married, the one who held me through the worst nights of my life, who gave me the courage to get my voice back, wouldn't have gone out on a binder. He wouldn't shut me out, he wouldn't push me away like you are."

"So what are you saying? That you're leaving me?"

Just hearing the word 'leave' had Bella cringing. "No! I just . . . I don't know what to do anymore. I can't help you. I can't help Jas or Alice, or anyone else and I hate it. I fucking hate it!"

"Me, too," he murmured, reaching for her, but she shook her head and pulled away. "What do I have to do to prove that I love you? That I'm sorry?"

"Find someone to talk to," she whispered, watching his jaw tighten. "You're angry, and I don't blame you because I'm angry, too. I'm pissed at Alice for being stupid and giving up on life, and I'm pissed at your brother, my sister, and everyone for not seeing that she was hurting. I'm mad at Jasper for putting it all on our shoulders. And . . . and I'm mad at you for throwing it in my face that I killed Jasper's parents, that I hurt my mom and dad," she cried. "And I'm mad at myself because I am the one to blame for every horrible thing that has happened to my family."

"Oh, I see," he said, turning and sitting on the bed. "I didn't realize you were mad about so much."

"It's what we do," she groused and sat next to him. "We bottle up our feelings because God forbid we hurt anyone, but, Edward, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending that when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is put my hand on your chest to make sure your heart is still beating. Or worry every time I feel a tickle in my throat that there's a tumor sucking the life out of me again. I want forever with you, but we can't have forever if we don't start owning a lot of shit."

"And you think we need to what? Go to marriage counseling? Is that going to help?"

"I don't know. Maybe? Tell me you aren't angry at the world, Edward?"

"I am," he admitted. "But how can I sit in front of a stranger and tell them how fucked up everything is?"

"We'll do it together." Bella bit the inside of her lip as she wrapped her hands around his, causing him to look down at her. "I'm not giving up on us. I'm asking you to fight for me, to fight for us, like I'm trying to fight for us, for you. Please?"

Closing his eyes, he nodded. "For you."

And Bella hoped like hell he would, because losing him would be her undoing.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I am so sorry for not updating in a few days, but my daughter, who is a type one diabetic, was rushed to the ER Friday in full DKA. Her blood glucose was over 600, her potassium was high, and she was dehydrated. She spent two days in the PICU, and we've spent the last two days just trying to get caught up on life. Thankfully, she's fine now, but she was very close to slipping into a coma or even dying.  
**


	18. Chapter 18

18

Edward felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world. Hearing from Bella the horrible, vile words he had spouted off while drunk crushed him. He hadn't meant them. In his weak, broken heart, he believed more than anything that he didn't mean a word he said, yet at the same time, he couldn't help but wonder if she were right. No, he didn't believe that. It was the booze talking, and that's what he told himself over and over as he showered.

Even though they had shared a bed the night before, Bella stayed as far away from him as she could. He hated that she was scared of him, hurt by the accusations he had made. Edward had gotten used to feeling Bella next to him, to holding her in his arms while they slept, that he had laid awake most of the night. He couldn't lose her, not after fighting to live just to be with him.

Bella knocked on the bathroom door. "Edward, can I come in?"

"Yeah," he called out, trying to keep his voice from showing just how scared he was of losing her.

The door opened and Bella stepped in. "Sorry, I just really need to pee."

He laughed. "It's fine. I'm almost done. Want to grab breakfast before we head back to the hospital?"

"Um, yeah, I guess." Bella quickly used the toilet and washed her hands, causing the water to turn hot and Edward to scream, which caused her to laugh. "Sorry. I forgot you were in there."

"It's okay," he chuckled, reaching down and turning the water off. He pulled the shower curtain back and reached for a towel, noting the way Bella's eyes drifted down his body. He snatched the towel off the rack and wrapped it around his waist, causing her to look up at him. "Are we okay? After . . . after everything, are we okay?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I want to say yes, but I can't. I'm sorry."

"No, I understand," Edward muttered, though he couldn't deny that her words hurt. She was only being honest. Maybe if he had done the same, none of this would have happened. "I'll hurry."

"All right." Bella frowned before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

Edward stepped out of the shower and closed the door. Bracing himself on the vanity, he shifted his eyes up to the mirror. "You'll prove yourself to her," he muttered. "Somehow, you'll be the man she loved again."

And more than anything, he hoped he was right.

—WH—

An hour later, Bella and Edward were seated in a booth inside the small restaurant connected to their motel. Once they'd ordered their meals, including a glass of orange juice for each of them, they'd fallen into an uncomfortable, tense silence. It was the first time Edward felt awkward around her. Clearing his throat, he pulled her attention from her lap to him, noticing the way her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink.

"Guess we need to think about when we're heading back to school," he said, quietly. "Or if we're going back."

Bella sighed, placing her left hand on the table. Her wedding band shined, and Edward was glad she hadn't taken it off. "I don't want to, but we can't really afford not to, either. We'll lose our financial aid if we don't."

Edward nodded, reaching across the table for her hand, which she pulled back. "Sorry."

"I'm just . . ." Bella shifted her attention out the window. "Remember the night you took me to the theater, the night we first made love?"

"I do," Edward whispered.

Bella looked at him. "We'd been through so much. Your heart, my cancer, getting my voice back, losing my dad again. Through it all, you were my one constant, the one part of my life that I could count on not to suck."

"I'm still that person for you," he said, softly, causing her to frown. "I made a mistake."

"No, I know. And I'm not mad, not really, just scared, I guess."

"Of me?"

She shook her head. "Of not being enough anymore."

"I . . . I made you doubt how much I need you?" The words burned his soul as they stumbled out of his mouth.

"Do you need me anymore?" she asked. "You waited until I left to go out and get drunk. I practically begged you to talk to me, to let me in, yet you kept telling me you were fine, just fine."

"I wanted to be strong for you," he confessed, swallowing against the lump in his throat.

"But I needed you to be honest with me, needed you to tell me that it was okay to be pissed, because, Edward, I'm pissed off."

"You are?"

She nodded. "She gave up, Edward. Alice gave up, let fear and doubt win, and I want to hate her. I do, but I can't."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because she's my family."

"Didn't realize you thought of her as your family," Edward admitted.

"Of course I do," Bella murmured.

"I'm mad, too," he said, the honesty in his words surprising even him. "At her, at Jasper, at Carlisle, Esme . . . Well, everyone, I guess."

"Even me?"

Edward's eyes widened. "No, never you. All you've ever done is love me."

"I do," she whimpered, quickly wiping away a tear before it could fall too far down her face.

"Yeah? Still after . . . you know, what I said?"

Bella reached across the table for Edward's hand, who gave it willingly. "I'll always love you, Edward. Always."

—WH—

An hour later, Edward and Bella arrived at the hospital. They made the trek inside in silence, yet it wasn't the awkward, uncomfortable quiet that had haunted them during the first part of their breakfast. While things may not be perfect between them, Edward had hope that he hadn't messed things up too much.

While they waited for the elevator, Edward reached down, weaving his fingers in with hers. Bella didn't look at him, but a faint smile pulled at the corners of her lips and she didn't pull her hand from his. The door to Charlie's room was open as they approached, and they could hear him laughing. Envy tugged at Edward's heart again.

Phil was seated in the chair next to Charlie's bed, his feet stretched out in front of him and his arms folded behind his head. It wasn't a secret that Phil harbored unrequited feelings for Charlie. They had grown up together, the best of friends. Charlie laughed again, his eyes shifting toward the doorway. He smiled when he saw Bella, and once more Edward envied her. He would give anything for just one more moment with his parents.

"Butterbean!" Charlie called out, opening his arms to her as Phil's arm dropped to his side and he stood up, making room for Bella to reach her father. He wrapped her in his arms, almost dragging her onto the bed with him. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," she whispered, and Edward felt uncomfortable, like he was intruding on a private moment.

Phil must have felt the same because he slipped out of the room, muttering something about getting coffee. Edward hesitated for a second before following him down the hallway to the doctor's lounge.

He cleared his throat and said, "Um, Phil, got a second?"

Phil nodded and grabbed a foam cup, filled it with coffee, and turned to look at him. "What's up?"

"Um." Edward shifted nervously. "I don't, um, I don't know what Bella's told you about my sister."

"She told me everything," he said before taking a sip of his coffee. "Have you heard from her?"

Edward frowned. "No, and I don't expect to for a long time. She's . . . Well, they said it would be at least thirty days before she'd be given phone privileges, and we're not able to go visit."

"I know it's hard, Edward, but Alice needs help. I did some research, and Alice is exactly where she needs to be. They'll teach her coping techniques for when she feels overwhelmed, help her deal with everything she's feelings so that when she comes home, and I absolutely think she's coming home, she'll be able to function most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

Phil sighed. "Alice went through a huge trauma, one that not only took the lives of your parents, but left permanent scars on her body. Her constant reminder, just like the scar on your chest is for you."

"Yeah," Edward murmured, thickly.

"You're not fairing much better than your sister, are you?" Phil asked.

Edward shook his head. "I, um, I'm really angry. Been angry for a long time, and, um, I think . . . I think I need to find someone to, I don't know, talk to."

"I know a couple people," he said, taking another sip of his coffee. "Does Bella know about this?"

Edward frowned, yet nodded.

"Well, I can make a couple calls, see who has time, if you want?"

"Thanks, that'd be great."

Phil pushed off the counter and walked over to Edward, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're stronger than you think you are, Edward, but everyone has a limit to how much bullshit they can handle. Admitting that you need help is a huge step."

"Yeah?"

Phil smiled. "It was for me."

"For you?"

"I know it's not a secret that I, um, have feelings for Charlie, Edward. I've loved him for a long time, even though I knew he didn't feel the same for me. When he and Renee got married, I let my anger get the best of me, and I made some choices that I'm not proud of. Choices that nearly cost me everything, including my life. When Charlie and Renee fell, I knew I had to step up and help with Bella. I found a therapist, someone who listened and helped me deal with my feelings. I'm not going to stand here and tell you that I'm fixed, because I'm not. There are still days when I struggle. You and Bella have faced more than you should have had to in your young lives, but you're going to be okay."

"Yeah?" Edward whimpered. "How do you know?"

"Because I've seen you fight to be together." Phil gave his shoulder a squeeze before pulling his hand back. "I'll find you someone, Edward. I promise."

Edward mumbled a thank you before following Phil down the hallway to Charlie's room, where they found Bella now seated on the bed next to her father. She had a huge smile on her face as they talked. It was in that moment that Edward vowed to do everything he could to be the husband that Bella deserved.


	19. Chapter 19

19

The second Edward and Phil were out of the room, Bella found herself scrambling off the bed. Overwhelmed, she wrapped her arms around her torso and shifted her attention to where her father laid, watching her with sadness. Had it just been the day before that he sought out the silent comfort of just being in the same room with him?

"I'm losing him," she said.

"No, you're not."

"I am!" she insisted. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," Charlie said. "Tell me why you love him."

"I . . ." Bella shook her head and settled in the chair next to his bed. "People stared at me after you fell, after I lost my voice. They didn't talk to me, but about me. Poor Bella, she's lost so much. Eventually, they stopped looking at me and I became this silent, invisible person, who just didn't exist. It became easier to just blend in, I guess. I had Em and Esme, Rose and Jasper, I didn't need any of them anyway, right?"

"Sure," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Family is important."

Bella frowned. "But I wasn't honest with them, not truly honest about how I felt. I was angry. No, that's not right: I am angry. I lost everything that night: you and Mom, Will and Cat, my voice. I was a fourteen year old orphan with cancer and nobody could hear my screams, listen to me cry, because I didn't have a voice anymore."

Bella paused and smiled. "And then he was there. Just one day, I walked into Emmett's classroom and he was sitting in the desk behind mine. He looked at me, Daddy, and for the first time in three years, I didn't feel invisible. I knew he was different than the others. There was a sadness that rolled off him. I wanted to hold his hand, tell him everything was okay, but I couldn't. We had every class together and every time he would look at me. It made my heart race and I was scared. So scared."

"Why?" Charlie asked.

"Because why would someone as beautiful as him look at the mute freak who had had cancer," she whimpered. "I found myself looking forward to seeing him every day, even if I couldn't talk to him. Being around him was enough for me. Or so I thought. About a week after they moved here, Edward saw me using sign language with Emmett, something I didn't do at school because of the way people stared. He didn't question me, Dad, but it made me nervous. Would he think I was a freak like everyone else? He had me on edge all day, but he never once treated me like I was anything but normal."

Bella stood and walked to the other side of Charlie's bed. "When I got sick again, when I needed him, he was there to hold me while I cried over having cancer again, while I screamed in silence, begged God not to kill me," she whispered, chancing a look at her father. "I'm mad that God gave me cancer twice. I'm mad that God stole you away from me for five years, that Mom's turned into such a mean person because the mom I grew up with would never call me a whore."

"No, she wouldn't," he agreed. "You're mad at me, too, aren't you?"

"I . . ." Bella paused for a moment before saying, "Yes."

Charlie frowned.

"I know it's not fair, that you didn't ask for any of this to happen. You didn't ask God to wake you up just to give you a tumor. I know how stupid I sound for being mad at you, but I needed you, Daddy, and you weren't there. Edward and I went to college and you weren't there to help us move in, to nag me about grades." She paused again. "You weren't there to walk me down the aisle."

"I wish I had been," he murmured, pushing himself up in the bed. "I wish like hell I had been, Butterbean, but I wasn't. I don't know why God's done this to us. But you know what I do know?"

She shook her head.

"I know that you love that boy, and he loves you. I saw it in your eyes when I first woke up and I see it in there again. I don't know what's going to happen now, but the daughter I raised wasn't a quitter, was she?"

Bella bit the inside of her lip as she shook her head once more and sat in the chair next to her father. The door to his room opened and Phil and Edward walked inside. As their eyes met, she felt her heart race and her cheeks warm. She wasn't ready to give up on him. Somehow, they'd get through this, find their way back to being happy. Either that, or die trying.

—WH—

Bella sighed as she once again checked her phone, noting that it was almost eight o'clock in the evening. She and Edward had spent the entire day at the hospital with Charlie, waiting for the results of the tests Phil and Eleazar Santiago, who had been shocked to learn via a phone call that Charlie had awoken after almost two years, had insisted on running. MRIs, C-Scans, blood tests, and just about every other test in the book. There was no reasonable explanation on why Charlie woke, but he was. But now, Bella and Edward needed to head back to Seattle. They had missed two more days of classes and with finals coming in the next two weeks, they had a lot of work to make up.

"I'll be okay," Charlie said, drawing her attention to him. He smiled from his place in bed. His arms were folded across his chest. While he could move his legs, the muscles had been tight and nobody was ready for him to attempt to stand. Not after a fall sent him into the OR for emergency surgery that he never woke up from until now. "I'm a phone call away, Butterbean."

"I know," she murmured, feeling Edward, Esme, Emmett, Carlisle, Rose, and Phil watching her.

While Emmett and Esme had spent most of the afternoon on the phone with Eleazar about what the next step was, Bella had found herself once again retreating into her own silent world. Only Edward seemed to notice, and while he never said anything, he constantly took hold of her hand, kissing her knuckles. It was his way of telling her that he loved her. But was it enough? After everything that had happened, was love enough to keep them from falling apart? Could she live in the world again without him? Had she ever really lived before she met him?

"I'm not going anywhere, Butterbean," Charlie added. "I promise."

"Heard that before," she whispered, knowing everyone could hear her just fine. Scrambling to her feet, she rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around him, her tears falling when she added, "Never forget how much I need you, Daddy."

And before he could reply, she hurried past her brother and sister, Phil, Carlisle, Rose, and Edward, fleeing before she lost control and begged her father to let her stay. Edward caught up with her as the doors to the elevator opened. They stepped inside, each standing on opposite sides so that their bodies faced each other. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she found herself unable to voice the words. In her heart, she knew Edward still loved her, still wanted her, maybe even needed her, but when things got hard, he pushed her away and found solace in the bottle of a bottle. The Edward she had fallen in love with, the one who begged their families to let him be the one to hold her when her hair fell out, when her body tried to kill her, would never have chosen booze over her.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked. "We could stop and pick up some dinner to eat on the way back."

Bella bit her lip and shook her head, despite the fact that she hadn't eaten anything since that morning. Edward frowned, but didn't say anything as he followed her out of the elevator and out to their car. As he held the car door open for her, he slid his arm around her, nestling her against him. Tears welled up in Bella's eyes and she found herself wanting to throw herself against him, beg him to let her be enough to heal his broken heart.

"We don't have to go," he added, lifting an eyebrow as the elevator stopped with a jolt and the doors crept open. "Or, you don't have to go back. I'll understand if you want to stay here."

"I do," she confessed, watching as pain filled his eyes. "But I don't at the same time." Stretching her hand to him, she led him out of the elevator, stopping and placing her other hand on his chest once they were in the lobby. "I'm scared to stay, scared to leave, scared to go back to Seattle, scared to let myself hope that my dad isn't going to disappear again. I'm just scared."

"Me too," Edward murmured, covering her hand with his and bringing their joined hands up to his lips. "I'm jealous, Bella. Jealous that for the second time in two years your dad is awake, able to tell you that he loves you, call you 'Butterbean'."

Bella laughed as tears filled her eyes.

"I'm jealous that you get your dad back, because I'd give almost anything just to be able to tell my dad that I loved him one more time."

"Almost anything?" she asked, biting the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer.

"Anything but you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. "You're everything to me, baby. Every fucking thing. Losing you would . . ." Edward shook his head, like just the thought of her being gone hurt him. "Please, don't give up on me."

"Never," she murmured and before he could say anything else, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his.


	20. Chapter 20

20

Edward felt like he was moving on autopilot. Ever since he and Bella arrived back at school two days ago, they barely spent more than five minutes alone together. She was scared of him. He understood why, he just hated that he had made the only person who really, truly understood him afraid of him.

The last two days had been hard. They were still waiting for the results from the series of tests Phil had insisted running on Charlie after his unexpected reawakening. That of course had everyone — but especially Bella — on edge, which only added to the tension between the two of them. Not only had Edward fucked up as a husband, but her father came back. But for how long?

"I'm going to the library after class," Bella said as she shuffled out of their bedroom with her backpack on her shoulder. "Do you want to meet me for dinner in the caf?"

"I, um," Edward shook his head. "I can't. I'm going to go see Dr. Davis."

Bella's eyes widened.

"I'm okay. I just. . ." Edward pushed his chair back and stood up, bringing his hand up to his chest. "I'm still having a lot of tightness, and figure I should probably, I don't know, get it checked again. Just . . . just to be safe."

Frowning, Bella dropped her bag onto the floor. "What time? I can skip the library and go with you."

"His office told me to come in whenever, so I'm heading over now."

"Oh," she said, bending over to pick up her bag. "Of course it's when I have a class I can't miss."

"Bella," Edward started, but paused with a sigh. "I'm trying to be the man you need again."

"And that means I don't get to go with you to doctor appointments?" she asked, and he could hear the hurt in her voice.

"You shouldn't have to take care of me," he murmured.

"I like taking care of you." Bella walked over to him, placing her hand in the middle of his chest, right over his scar. He shivered, as he always did when she touched him there. "If you don't want me to go, I won't, but don't think for one second that I'm not here for you, okay? I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too," he whispered, the words slipping out thicker than he wanted. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"Promise?" she asked, leaning up so that her lips were almost touching his.

"I promise." And closing the distance between them, Edward kissed her with as much passion and love as he could.

Twenty minutes later, Edward was parked outside of Peter Davis' office. The last place he wanted to be was there, but almost losing Bella taught him that he had to take care of himself. He could feel the tension in his shoulders as he climbed out of the car and headed inside, which did nothing to relieve the tightness and pressure in his chest. There were only two other people in the waiting room when he entered, the receptionist smiled and motioned for him to have a seat. In all the time he had been coming there, he hadn't learned her name. Just one more way he was an asshole, but there had been dozens of receptionist and nurses in his life over the years. Too many to remember all of them. One of the curses of being weak, pathetic — broken.

"Edward."

At the sound of his name, he looked up and saw Peter Davis standing in the doorway that lead to the back of his office. It was unusual for him to call his patients back himself, something that scared and made his feel better. Tall with blond hair and blue eyes, Peter had always been an odd man. Not rude or unfriendly, just professional.

"Are you waiting for Bella?" Peter asked, one eyebrow raising upward.

Edward cleared his throat as he stood. "No, it's . . . it's just me today."

Peter frowned, but didn't say anything else as he motioned for Edward to follow him back to an examination room. Or so he thought. Instead of one of the exam rooms, Peter lead Edward down to his office, closing the door behind him, and motioning for him to sit in one of the two leather chairs in front of his desk. As he settled in his own chair, he opened a thick, manila folder and placed in top of his desk.

"So, you've been experiencing some tightness," Peter said, dryly. "How long have these been going on?"

"Um," Edward paused. The urge to lie was intense but the moment for bravery was over. "Ever since my last surgery, but if I'm honest, they've been more intense over the last seven or eight months. Bella and I have been keeping track of them," he explained, digging his notebook out of his back pocket and laying it on the desk between them. "I had some tests ran while in Chicago a couple weeks ago, but Dr. Cameron said everything is okay."

Peter nodded and picked up the notebook, flipping through the dozens of pages. "And how is your sister?"

"My . . . my sister?"

"Yes," he said, shifting his eyes from the notebook to Edward. "Dr. Cameron said she'd tried to kill herself. That's why you were in Chicago, wasn't it? To save her."

"I . . ." Edward blew out a deep breath. "I guess so."

"And how is she?" Peter asked again.

"I don't know. I haven't . . . she can't." Edward dragged a hand up to his chest. "They won't let me talk to her."

Peter pressed his lips together as he leaned back in his chair. "Do you know why Dr. Cameron recommended that I take you on when you moved here, Edward?"

"I assumed that he thought you were a good doctor."

For the first time in the two years that Edward had been coming to see him, Peter smiled. "Might be a part of it, but it's not all of it."

"No?" Edward asked, and when Peter shook his head, he found himself pressing for more. "Then why?"

"Because you were the first patient I ever operated on."

"What?"

Peter smiled wider. "I was in the first year of my residency when Dr. Cameron, who was my attending, got your case. When Dr. Cameron offered me the chance to perform the patch that would prolong your life for a while, I jumped at the chance. Babies born with HLHS usually didn't live more than a few days, and I was naïve and cocky at my ability, I guess. Just before we took you in for surgery, your mother grabbed my hands and made me promise that I'd do everything I could to save your life. You were a very sick baby, Edward, but your mother and father believed that you would be okay. Obviously you survived the surgery, and the dozens that followed. I eventually moved on, settled out here, but Dr. Cameron always kept me up to date on your case, knowing that you were the one that stuck with me."

"Why?" Edward asked. "I'm nothing special."

"Aren't you?" Peter raised an eyebrow. "You've had dozens of surgeries over sixteen years. And then you had both a heart transplant and a mitral value replacement in the three years that followed, and yet, you're still alive."

"At what cost?" Taking a deep breathe, he shook his head, his hand dropping from his chest. "I'm glad I'm alive, I really am, but my mom and dad, sister — it's not fair that in order for me to live, they suffered, they died."

"Nobody ever said life was fair, Edward." Peter slid his notebook across the desk to him. "Dr. Cameron sent me your test results. Everything looks normal. I think, as he does, that you're experiencing panic attacks, and they are manifesting as tightness in your chest. It's not uncommon in patients who have had multiple surgeries."

"So what do I do?" Edward asked. "And don't suggest yoga or meditation, either."

Peter laughed. "I wasn't going to. I do think you need to find some way to deal with your anxiety. I can make a recommendation for a therapist, and we can talk about medication, but I'd like to table that option for now."

"I'm, um, I'm already waiting for a referral to a . . . a therapist," Edward murmured, and when Peter looked surprised, he added, "I've been angry for a long time. Too long, and, um, it's cost me a lot. Almost cost me everything, so I asked for help from a family friend."

"Good, good." Peter leaned forward and placed his hands together. "I would like to see you again in a month. Rerun some tests, make sure we're covering everything. Keep tracking any tightness you feel." Peter stood up and walked around his desk, sitting in the chair next to him. "It's okay to be angry. It's natural, considering everything you've been through. You and Bella, for that matter, but holding on to that anger is dangerous."

"I almost lost her," Edward whimpered. "Because of my anger, I almost lost her. I can't . . . she's the only reason I have left to live, Dr. Davis. I . . ."

"I know, son." Peter patted him on the arm before standing up. "If you need anything else, I'm here. Anytime."

Edward nodded, muttered a quick thank you, before bolting out of the office, feeling like a food for letting his emotions get the best of him.

—WH—

Edward drove back to campus in a daze. His conversation with Peter Davis had been unexpected. Yet, he felt better. A little, at least. Knowing that his heart was still working as intended was a relief, but he still worried. The day would come when the replacement value would fail, or his mother's heart would weaken. It was only a matter of time, and that's what scared him the most.

Parking in front of the dorms, Edward climbed out of the car and started toward the front, but stopped when someone called out his name. He looked over his shoulder and saw James and Tyler running toward him. He felt his shoulders tense, his first thought was Bella. That something had happened to her.

"Hey, man, where you been?" James asked, laughing.

"We're heading over to Matchlight tonight," Tyler added, his grin matching James'. "You and Bella in?"

"Um, no," Edward scoffed, knowing that last place Bella would want to go is a bar, not after he'd come home sloppy drunk and cruel. And she especially wouldn't want to be around James. She hadn't made her disgust of him a secret, though Edward knew it wasn't his fault. Edward was the one who accepted the drink. "We can't. Family thing tonight."

"You sure?" James asked, looking down at his watch. "Shit, I'm going to be late for class. Hey, think about it, okay? We're going to meet here at nine, if you change your mind."

James took off before Edward could say anything.

"You okay?" Tyler asked, and when he looked back at him, he saw Tyler watching as he caressed his chest.

Edward dropped his hand to his side. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay, if you're sure," Tyler said before following after James.

Edward blew out a deep breath before he hurried inside the dorm, down the hallway to his and Bella's apartment. When he unlocked the door, he was surprised to find Bella curled up on the couch, her knees pulled up against her chest, and her head laying on her knees. At the sound of the door opening, she sighed and stood up.

"What'd he say?" she asked at the same time he asked, "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I emailed my professor. Told him I'm sick."

When he cocked an eyebrow, she coughed a couple of thick, fake coughs. "Yeah, you're clearly dying of the flu."

"I . . . I was worried," she whispered, almost sounding ashamed. "This was the first appointment since we got married that I . . . that I didn't go with you. That you didn't want me to go with you."

Edward sighed. "It's not that I didn't want you to, baby. I did, it's just . . ."

"Just what?"

"I need you so fucking much," he whispered, unsure if she could hear him. When she placed her hand in the middle of his chest, he knew she had. "I let you down. I let you down and I hate myself for not being stronger, for not being the husband you deserve."

"You are," she insisted, sliding her other hand up and around to the back of his neck. "But when you push me away like this, when you don't let me in, I get scared."

"I don't want to scare you." Edward placed his hands on her hips, pulling her body flush against his. "But I needed to man up and take care of myself. I'm sorry if that made you worry. That's not what I wanted."

Bella nodded. "And is everything okay?"

"Seems to be. He and Dr. Cameron seem to think I'm having panic attacks, that's why I'm feeling the tightness in my chest. He wants me to come back next month to run some tests again, and wants us to keep tracking my episodes."

"And what's his solution for the panic attacks?"

"Therapy," he said, leaning his forehead against hers. "And maybe medication at some point. I told him that Phil was looking for someone for me to . . . to talk to."

Bella hummed, but didn't say anything. He knew she doubted that he was serious about finding a therapist, but he was. He hadn't been lying when he told her that he was tired of being angry.

Before he could reassure her once more, her phone started ringing. Grumbling under her breath, she yanked it off the coffee table, her eyes widening as she looked from the caller I.D. to Edward. "It's Phil. Do you think it's about my dad?"

"Answer it," Edward told her.

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she slid her finger across the green talk arrow and placed the phone on speaker. Taking a deep, ragged breath, she said, "Hello."

"Hey, sweetheart," Phil cooed through the phone. "You okay?"

"Um, yeah," she lied, shifting her eyes to Edward. He could see the fear and doubt that lingered. "Did . . . did you get his test results back?"

"I did," Phil said, quietly. "I wanted you to be the first to know. I haven't told Emmett or Esme yet."

"Tell me what?" she cried. "Is . . . is it bad?"

"Sweetheart," Phil started. "It's not bad. It's good, actually. There are no signs of the tumor, no signs of brain trauma, or anything. All of his tests came back normal. Charlie's as healthy as can be expected, considering he just spent the last two years in a coma."

"Don't lie to me, Phil," Bella sobbed, falling to her knees. In a heartbeat, Edward was next to her, holding her against him. "Don't fucking lie to me!"

"I'm not, Butterbean, I swear. I wouldn't do that," Phil insisted.

"I . . ." Bella let the phone fall from her fingers and hit the ground as she turned and folded herself into Edward's arms. Though her emotions overwhelmed her, he knew she was relieved and happy. Her father was back, and once more, Edward felt a pang of jealousy that had his chest tightening.


	21. Chapter 21

21

Bella sat at her desk in the back of her government class and tapped her nails impatiently. Today was her last final of the semester and she was over it. She had tried to study, but her ability to focus on her school work had been made impossible when all she wanted was to see her father again. Her perfectly healthy, alert father.

Pressing her lips together as a handful of her classmates trickled into the room followed by her professor, she watched as they carelessly settled in their desks, probably chatting about how they were going to going to head home for the winter break, enjoy their families, friends, blah, blah, blah. Bella envied their freedom.

"You have two hours to complete your final. Once you do, you will place your exam and scantron here," her professor said, gesturing to the corner of his desk, "and then you may leave. I will have your grades posted by the end of today. On a side note, I have enjoyed having each of you in my class over the past sixteen weeks."

While almost everyone replied humbly that they had enjoyed his class, Bella stifled the urge to roll her eyes. They weren't there to exchange pleasantries; they were there to take a final and move on. That's what young, carefree college students were supposed to be doing, wasn't it?

An hour and forty-five minutes later, Bella dropped her pencil into her backpack and yanked it off the floor before scrambling to her feet, grabbing her test and scantron, and hurried to the front of the room, where her teacher smiled as she placed it on top of the rest. All but her and two others had finished and left.

"Enjoy your break," he said, quietly and it took all her control not to laugh in his face. She didn't enjoy anything anymore. Life had beaten her down too much.

When Bella walked out of the classroom, she was surprised to find James leaning against the wall. Ever since he had taken Edward out for a night of drinking, she had done her best to avoid him. Something he hadn't made easy.

"How'd it go?" James asked, smiling wildly.

"Fine," she groused and attempted to walk past him, but stopped when he reached out and grabbed her arm. "Don't touch me."

"I'm sorry," he said, releasing her, but moving so that he was standing in front of her. "I just want a chance to talk."

"About what?" Bella cocked an eyebrow at him. "What could you possibly have to talk to me about? Could it be how you took my husband, who has a serious heart condition, out drinking to the point of drunkenness? Is that what you want to talk to me about?"

"Um, well, yeah," he mumbled. "I realize it was stupid, Bella. I just thought he needed to blow off some steam."

"Blow off some steam, huh?" Bella nodded. "I don't know what pisses me off more, James: that you took him drinking or that you didn't bother helping me."

"What do you mean?" he asked, reaching for her arm, but pulling his hand back when she took a half step backward.

"Edward needed to blow off some steam. He was stressed, but I wasn't? My family is falling apart, too. My . . ." Bella took a shaky breath as she tried not to cry. "I was fourteen years old when my world was torn apart. I wasn't expecting to have cancer, to lose my voice, to lose a big part of who I was. And for a long time, I went through the motions of living, but I cried myself to sleep every night. I hated being the freaky mute girl that nobody knew how to be around. And then Edward came into my life and for the first time, I found someone who didn't pull away from me because I couldn't speak. He was broken, I was broken, but somehow, we made each other whole. But that night, when you took him to blow off some steam, was the first time in a really long time that I felt like a nobody. See, James, Edward did need to blow off some steam, but so did I, because my family is imploding around me, too. But you didn't care about me that night, so don't stand there and pretend that you do now, either."

And leaving James standing there, Bella walked past him. She didn't know what he expected of her, but it would take more than an apology for her to forgive him.

—WH—

Edward was sitting on the couch when Bella entered their apartment. Two suitcases were next to the door and another was open on the coffee table. His eyes lifted to hers and he smiled, and for a moment, Bella found herself lost in the man she had fallen in love with. She wanted to believe that he wanted to change, that he would get help, but hope was an emotion that had burned her too many times.

"How'd your final go?" he asked, dropping handful of socks he had been folding into the suitcase.

"I think I did okay," she murmured, dropping her backpack next to the suitcases. "Wasn't nearly as hard as I expected, even though there were three essays at the end. Thought my hand was going to fall off by the time I was done writing."

Edward smiled. "Guess I'll know what to expect when I take his class next semester."

Bella hummed, but didn't say anything as she walked toward the fridge and pulled the door open, finding only a couple bottles of water left. "Wow. You were busy."

"Just figured the sooner we get packed, the faster we can get back to Forks," he said, the tone in his voice had her looking back at him. "I know you're anxious to see for yourself that Charlie's okay."

Once more, Bella found herself nodding. "It's stupid."

"It's not." Edward zipped the suitcase and moved it to the others before turning back to her. "I'd probably feel the same if it were my dad."

Bella wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't fair that her father had been brought back to her for the second time, yet Edward had never gotten to say goodbye to his mother and father. Logically, she knew his parents would have given their lives time and time again for him, but the guilt he carried weighed heavily on his shoulders.

"I think I got everything we need, but you might want to double check."

Bella bit the inside of her lip before saying, "I trust you."

"Do you?" he asked, his eyes widening.

"I want to," she said, knowing that's not what he needed to hear. But lying wasn't going to save their marriage, either. "I really want to."

"You will," he murmured, though whether he meant for her to hear him or not, she couldn't be sure. Clearing his throat, he spoke a little louder, "We should get going. It's going to be a long drive and the roads are going to be wet."

—WH—

The drive from Seattle to Forks felt like it took an eternity, yet before Bella knew it, they were pulling past the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. Edward had made awkward conversation during their first two hours, then they fell into an uneasy silence. Bella hated the distance between them, but had no idea how to fix it. She loved Edward, yet he scared her. His anger scared her. Her anger scared her. Everything scared her.

"Do you want to go to the hospital first, or the house?" Edward asked.

"Um." Bella paused. "Hospital, I guess. Don't know that I'm ready to face anyone else yet."

"Me either," he replied. "I still think we should just a hotel room."

"For the next month?" she scoffed with a shake of her head. "We can't afford that."

"Not sure we can afford to stay with Emmett and Rose, either," he quipped, and Bella knew he was right. "Or my brother and Esme. At least we don't have to worry about the wedding right now."

Bella hummed and shifted her attention out the window. Esme and Carlisle's decision to postpone their wedding didn't come as much of a surprise. Jasper refused to leave Chicago without Alice, and Alice wasn't going to be coming back to Forks anytime soon. Or ever, Bella suspected, and if Alice never came back, neither Edward nor Carlisle would forever themselves.

"I've been thinking," Edward started, drawing her attention back to him. "Maybe . . . maybe, I should, I don't know, take the semester off."

"What? Why?" Bella blurted out.

"I could get a real job," he mumbled as he pulled into a parking space in front of the hospital. He turned the car off, and shifted in the seat so that he was facing her. "With your grants and scholarships, and if I worked full time, you wouldn't have to do work study."

"If you quit—"

"Not quit, just take a semester or two off," he interrupted.

"If you quit," she continued, "you won't go back, Edward. And then . . ." Shaking her head, she let the words hang between them.

"Then what?" he pressed.

"You'll resent me even more than you already do," she confessed, knowing lying wouldn't help their relationship. "And don't sit there and deny that you do, because I hear the tone when you talk about my dad being back."

"It's not you that I resent," he said, quietly. "It's everything we have to deal with, you know? We're young, Bella. We shouldn't have to worry about our families going falling apart because we aren't here for them to take care of. It's . . . it's too much pressure on our shoulders."

"You're not wrong," she agreed. "But I don't want you to put off school for me. Edward, we can't keep letting everyone else make us feel like we're wrong for wanting a normal life."

"You mean Pix."

"Her," Bella admitted. "And Jasper, and Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rose. I love our family, but I love you more."

"You do?" he whimpered, shifting his tear filled green eyes up to hers. "After what I did, you still love me?"

"I do," she whispered, cupping his face between her hands and leaning toward him. "We're both a little fucked up right now, you know? We thought we go just move to Seattle and be Edward and Bella, two normal, married kids. We thought we could put your heart and my cancer behind us and just be like everyone else, but we can't. I realize that now, and I don't want lose you, but every time I go to class, or you go to class, I'm worry that the man I fell in love with, the one I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, isn't going to be the same one that comes back."

"I'm not that guy, Bella," Edward insisted.

"Maybe not right now, but what happens the next time you feel shit getting out of control?" she asked, taking a deep breath. "And it's not just you, Edward. I'm scared because I'm angry, too. All the time, and I don't want to lose you because I'm mad."

"I didn't realize you felt that way, too."

"Guess neither of us are good about being honest with how we feel." Bella dropped her hands into her lap and looked toward the entrance of the hospital. "I'd given up that my dad would ever come back to me. After last time, after . . ." She shook her head. "I'd given up and now he's back and healthy and . . . and I don't know. I feel very confused and angry."

"Maybe you need to find someone to talk to, as well," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, maybe."

Without another word, Bella pushed open the car door and climbed out. As she and Edward made their way into the hospital, to the elevator, and to the fifth floor, Bella wondered what their lives would have been like, had she not been the girl with cancer, and him not the boy with the broken heart.

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